before

[strmdncr]

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
The situation won’t change at all, what is happening will happen and I don’t have control over it because it is another persons life and their decision to make. Chances are the feelings won’t change either, nope.

2. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring something exterior to focus on, an outside hurt for a while instead of so much pain inside. I don’t know that it will take away anything this time, I’m just not feeling like I can cope very well right now.

3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? In the long run I just want to feel less inside pain and hurt and turmoil. In the short term, very short term it will get me a bit closer…over the long run, neither really.

4. if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Not very long…and it doesn’t really seem like the best option which is why I haven’t yet given into it. The relief would last probably until after I cleaned up any SI injuries, then I wouldn’t have something in particular to focus on and it would all move in again.

5. what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I’m here doing this, I’ve talked with a friend online, talked with my parents about what’s going on b/c it’s something that’s affecting the whole family (though they don’t know ‘bout the SI stuff) , tried to express my feelings to the person whose actions are what is bringing about my feeling this way…not saying she is making me feel this way, just this is how I’m feeling b/c of what she is doing if that makes any sense. I don’t know what I’m going to do, I’m trying to stay SI free in general, and in this particular instance b/c I’m afraid that I won’t be able to stop my SI’ing before it becomes too dangerous to myself…and that fear is the biggest thing that’s kept me from SI’ing so far.

6. how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself, tomorrow I’ll end up feeling mildly annoyed with myself and the injuries b/c then I’ll have to take care of them and work on keeping them from being seen and such. Tomorrow I’ll feel in a lot of pain as well…it’s going to continue for a while, this isn’t a short term thing so I’ve got to deal with it.

7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I really want to do right now is curl up in a ball and cry until the tears all run out and then no longer feel. In the long run I want to learn how to deal with these kinds of things without feeling a need to physically hurt myself or become numb which is why starting September I am going to try DBT. Right now I just want to feel less pain, I want it to stop hurting so much inside that all I feel like is hiding from everyone.

[herebedragons]

What I really want to do right now is curl up in a ball and cry until the tears all run out and then no longer feel.

(sorry this is coming a bit late)

That actually sounds like a really good option. Maybe if you cried for a while you would exhaust yourself and be able to sleep as well as releasing some of those chemicals that crying releases that would probably help you to feel better.

Talking about the situation with your folks was great, is there anyone outside of the situation you could talk to also? A neutral party can be good for hashing through things sometimes.

[Kaelyn]

It will bring something exterior to focus on, an outside hurt for a while instead of so much pain inside.

can you think of other exterior things you could focus on? (like exercising, taking a cold shower, etc)
or focussing in a different way? something that works for you.

Its good that you've talked to others about it.
Hope the DBT will help you!
take care.