Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?Not really. But whatever they were, it was a response to other people around me being upset, tired, and cranky. I guess I felt some pressure to take care of things and not let their moods bother me. I was also a bit irritated...because I was the person in the ok mood, complaints all got directed at me. (It is too loud in here, can you be quieter? I got that one 5 times...and I was not being that loud. But no one wanted to say that to a grouchy person, so they said it to me instead.) And a bit overwhelmed...I hadn't been able to really check in here for support. And the more overwhelming things got, the less possibility there was of getting support.
If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?Oh, I wrote some of it above. Um...I guess I figured them out somewhat right now. But I was aware at the time that I was getting urges in reaction to the heightened emotional tension in the house.
What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?I reminded myself it would pass.
I ate too much...not a good skill, but it can be effective....as long as I can avoid purging.
I got a little time to myself by staying in the bathroom longer than I needed to...no one will bother me there, unless I stay too long.
Oh, I also did things that I knew would help calm other people down...got one grouchy sister doing a fun project, got the other grouchy sister planning what we will do tomorrow. Just stayed out of Mom's way. She was mostly better by this point. So I guess by getting them more calm, it helped me too.
I just thought of another thing I did! Wow...this is much more fun to fill out than the other type of After. I also let myself do what I wanted to do after I got them distracted. They wanted to do something and I chose not to join them, but to get away from everything by reading a book for a bit. I think that was probably when the urges went away...interesting.
Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?Some were better than others. Don't really care for the eating...contributes to too many other problems and reinforces ED thoughts.
Giving myself time to read my book and not deal with people was probably good.
If No - What coping skills got me through?I didn't really consciously choose to use them, so I think choosing something deliberately would have been better. But they were enough.
Why do I think they worked?because they let the emotional intensity of the family dissipate a bit. And that made my level of emotional intensity and the feeling of being weighed down by demands decrease.
How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in? Need to be careful about the emotional intensity when everyone gets home from work. I may not always be able to let them all vent to me...and maybe I need to practice how to withdraw if things get too upsetting or burdensome.
