what should i do???? any ideas/advice

[collide]

ok...i've posted that my therapist is gone again this week...i succumbed to si last nite...i feel like this i am going to lose it this week...like prob do something impulsively or life threatening and end up in the psych hospital which almost happened last month when she was gone on vacation 2 weeks...i do have an appt with my psychiatrist but it is late in the week Fri, and it is only 20 minutes...i don't know if i can make it...part of me wants to call him up and leave him messages about how bad i am feeling on his voice mail...but i know it prob be like 3-4 messages...i don't know if he will be to happy about that...but at least he will know what the issues other than my therapist being away again...i've left him messages many times 2 in a row...before...but that was just inquiring about stuff...not telling him stuff....any thoughts???? advice???? what should i do??????

[pandora]

I don't know, it sounds like it would be important to talk to SOMEONE though. If you don't have anyone else to talk to in real life, do what you need to do- call him.. it's obvious you are struggling. Just try to stay direct and concise, maybe write down what you want to say before you call...so you can make sure you cover what is important (so you don't need to call several times) and not get intimidated.

[NobodyToYou]

you might actually get better success with a crisis line...talking to a machine can be unsatisfying and can make me feel ignored, even if the people are doing the best they can. A crisis line would probably be able to give you a lot more time than your Pdoc would and you could call them as often as you needed to. Not sure where you are, so I don't know what crisis lines are available in your area...but I think that might be a very good option for you right now.
Also...and this may be hard for you to do right now...what can you do to reward yourself for the good choices you are making? It seems the bad choices/thoughts are getting a lot of attention. And I am glad you are taking them seriously. But I also hear that you are really trying to get through this without doing anything terrible to yourself. Could you reward yourself somehow each day you get through without SI? Or do something nurturing for yourself to help counteract some of this stress? I know it is tough with your T gone. But maybe you could help give yourself some of the care that she usually gives you...I don't know...just thinking out loud.

[collide]

thanks for the advice you too...this is what i have been doing....well trying to distract myself for one...which is hard...i went on BUS CHAT and that helped...and last nite i did talk to my bf late last nite just so i could sleep...that helped...and then i did leave 2 messages on my psychiatrists voicemail (i didn't write anything out)...telling him some stuff that were bothering me so he'd know ahead of time...and then again later last nite i left 2 more messages, cuz another thing is going to bother me soon (has to do with my family)...and also i think i need to be in PARTIAL HOSPITALIZATION...so i mentioned that, that was what the doctor in the ER had told me last month but i said NO WAY...now i realize, it prob would benefit me....so, i'll have to see about that...but i am managing...each day at a time...i really can't afford to screw up majorly this week...

[collide]

i left more messages for my psychiatrist...it's been difficult each day...almost cut on TUES nite...then WED i fucked up and broke my electric stove by pounding, trying to break ice...i don't know why i didn't do that on the counter instead (guess i must be stupid)...then i had to leave a message about the conservatorship...my psychiatrist left me a message today saying he'd try to help me as much and understands all the stress i am under...now i just have to make it THURS...FRI is when i see him in the afternoon