anyone do this?...hiding crying?

collide · Post by **collide** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:38 pm

ok...just to write a little about me...i grew up in an abusive family, so that's why later in college and after a rape i got diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...

so crying i've learned from growing up is a bad thing...i can't cry in front of other people...it is one of the most humiliating things...so sometimes in therapy when i am really depressed and upset and emotional...i wear my sunglasses so when i talk and the tears are coming out my therapist can't see them...even in relationships (bf/gf) i can't let my bf see me cry...and even in best friends situations...or when i am in the hospital and a mental health staff is talking to me...i still can't let them see me cry...i have to either cover my face by looking down and my hands over my face...

i don't know...crying is supposed to be good for you...to release a lot of that emotional pain...but a lot of times i stuff it in there...then when i just happen to can't control it, i still have to hide it, cuz it's is ingrained in my head it is bad...and also i feel it's so humilitating....

marshmallowfluff · Post by **marshmallowfluff** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 10:12 pm

First of all, im sorry to hear what you've been through.
Secondly, you shouldn't be ashamed to cry. Maybe you should talk to your therapist about how it makes you feel humiliated, and explain to him/her why. Crying is therapy in it's self. A good cry can make you feel so much better, as you said, so you should not be ashamed to do it hun, not at all.

well that was crap advice
Take care of yourself
xxx

leensie · Post by **leensie** » Sat Aug 20, 2005 4:56 am

yeah i know how you feel. i can't cry. if i start to cry when i'm around someone then i jsut stop talking all together and concentrate on not crying. and now i just can't seem to cry at all, nto even when i'm by myself.

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Sat Aug 20, 2005 5:44 am

I used to do that too; to a very obsessive degree. I wouldn't let *ANYONE* see me cry, ever. Instead when I felt like crying I'd get violent and angry just to cover up the hurt.

My T started to push my buttons a lot in therapy and finally after a hard session when I was fighting back tears he was like, "If you're gonna cry, CRY. You can cry. I cry. It's normal. It's human." For some reason him telling me that he cries struck a chord in me because he seems like such a tough guy when you first see him. It made me feel safer crying in front of him and now I don't fight it as much. I don't run around the mall crying hysterically when something bugs me, but I don't go hiding in dark corners to cry anymore.

I agree with Mistake that maybe you could try bringing up how crying makes you feel to your T?

theboldeditalics · Post by **theboldeditalics** » Sat Aug 20, 2005 6:50 am

ditto, 'cept no abuse in my family..

can't cry. learned it was bad. stuff it inside 'till i have an episode..sometimes really bad ones

-Kel- · Post by **-Kel-** » Sat Aug 20, 2005 9:06 am

i wasl always tought that crying was a sign of weakness and for the last 19 yers of my life i have only cried alone.. but im starting to realise that isnt true... and for some reason i have started crying all over the place

oops

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Sat Aug 20, 2005 2:28 pm

i cry all the time, but not in front of anyone since i was about 9.

Nona · Post by **Nona** » Sat Aug 20, 2005 10:37 pm

I'm not very good at all with crying. In fact, crying tends to make me dissociate a lot.

My T once noticed that the tears drip down my face but there is a very distinct lack of sobbing or anything else. It's only when things have been bottled up to the nth degree that I will break but that's only happened, I think, three times in 2 years of therapy.

I don't even do crying in the house by myself.

This is an interesting thread collide. It's good to hear other's responses and it has given me a lot to ponder

Take care

Skyeler · Post by **Skyeler** » Sun Aug 21, 2005 4:59 am

My dad use to hit me for crying

I don't cry... If I do, I cry in the shower...

collide · Post by **collide** » Sun Aug 21, 2005 8:59 pm

hey MISTAKE..thanks for the advise on bringing up the topic to my therapist...usually in therapy cuz my life is pretty ups and downs all the time i end up telling stories????? hey, that's another thing i think i will post about....but yeah...i think i will try it...i don't know how that will help...because if i am in an ok mood it will just be talking...but when i am in a horrible state and feel the need to cry...i know i will still wear the sunglasses...

but i know getting over things (as some of you said is real hard, habits are so hard to break)...and thanks to those that shared that they were able to break that habit...and those that shared their experience...

collide

marshmallowfluff · Post by **marshmallowfluff** » Sun Aug 21, 2005 9:14 pm

leensie wrote:yeah i know how you feel. i can't cry. if i start to cry when i'm around someone then i jsut stop talking all together and concentrate on not crying. and now i just can't seem to cry at all, nto even when i'm by myself.

Nah i cant cry either. I dont know really, im scared if i cry i won't stop. I cant even remember the last time i cried. Tis strange, i just CANT cry even if i wanna..

Beasty · Post by **Beasty** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 5:49 pm

im so sorry hun. but just to let you know, up until a few months ago, i couldnt cry for the life of me. youre not alone.

BrokenGurl · Post by **BrokenGurl** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:38 pm

I feel the same way about crying.....i feel when i cry it shows that im weak.In therapy i don't like her seeing me cry and i will just look down the whole entire time trying to hide that i actually have feelings. I guess crying shows that im vulnerable...fragile..i dunno..so i can see where you are coming from

Koru · Post by **Koru** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:45 pm

I used to cry really easily and I was bullied at school because people thought it was fun to see how quickly they could make me cry. Newspaper articles, stories about missing cats even people at uni being irritated with me would make me cry. In the last few years (since my SI got worse) I have only cried a couple of times but when I do it lasts hours. Since I broke up with my ex I haven't cried at all (a couple of months) - I wish I could but the tears won't happen. I get close to crying in counselling sessions but I will not cry in front of her. I know that one day something will set me off and I will cry for hours again.

say · Post by **say** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:49 pm

For me, crying is an intimate activity... I guess because of the vulnerability it shows. I haven't cried from emotional distress in front of anyone for more than a year.

I understand your discomfort about crying in front of your T. I'm still trying to deal with that... Right now, I either leave the room or turn away. Maybe it has to do with the level of trust?

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 5:45 am

I have had a hard time crying at all. But I think it would be a lot worse in front of people...I haven't cried in front of anyone for over a year, with two exceptions...both times with my T. For me, it has been hard to adjust my thinking...I still see crying as weak and bad when I do it, but good and healthy when other people do it. So...not logical. But I know that when I can cry, I usually feel better the next day. I don't feel better immediately, unlike some people.
Someone mentioned the way they cry...I cry very quietly. If you aren't looking at me, you won't know I am crying. And even if you are looking you may not notice. I rarely cry more than 5 tears at a time...although as I am learning to face my emotions, I am crying more often and more tears. Still not comfortable with that, but I think it is probably progress.

rosie605 · Post by **rosie605** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 10:19 pm

I came from an abusive family also where I learned that crying is bad. But I suppose I am kind of an opposite. I cry at the littlest things and am very emotional. But when I do, I am constantly applogizing for it, like what I am doing is wrong. I never thought that was an issue until you brought it up. I guess we all have our own ways of reacting to terrible things. I'll be thinking about you.

rosie

Kaelyn · Post by **Kaelyn** » Sat Aug 27, 2005 2:38 pm

I can't cry in front of others too. Not even my friends.
Maybe because I feel that I would be vulnerable when I would cry in front of others.
I'm really uncomfortable with showing weaknesses irl. I'd rather not show them at all.
My T gets annoyed by it, because every time I feel like I'm going to cry,
my face automatically shifts to a stupid grin... I always start grinning when I actually feel bad.
I think there are many people that feel like crying is something you can't do in front of others. It is hard to get past that "barrier".

Kitty · Post by **Kitty** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 9:34 pm

I do that as well... smile or even laugh when I want to cry, especially in front of other people. I just can't cry in front of people... I don't know why really even. Maybe that's why my body automatically picks another emotional response istead... the feelings are expressed, just in the wrong way.

whatever187 · Post by **whatever187** » Tue Aug 30, 2005 10:24 pm

I dont cry in front of other people either...i grew up in an abusive family and crying was something i never did in front of my stepdad..if he saw i was crying he would just keep bothering my knowing that he was getting to me.. I cried once when i was ip i completly stoped talking and wanted to be anywhere but there...i also usually disassociate when i cry if im around other people...it makes it easier to stop crying.

anyone do this?...hiding crying?

anyone do this?...hiding crying?

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