Talking to my T

Sky · Post by **Sky** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:25 am

Hello all,

I was visiting with my T today, and I realized that I have a really hard time asking for help. I want to ask her stuff about learning new coping skills for things, and techniques for grounding myself when I dissociate, but when I get in there, I either forget or I just don't know how to bring up the subject of SI. It's so easy to talk about it here, because I never have to say it, I don't even have to type it. I can just abbreviate and never have to deal with it. It seems like when I say "I cut myself" or even "I hurt myself" I feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

So here's the question, how to I talk to her about it, and bring it up in a subtle way so I don't have to say "Hey lady, I cut myself and I need you to teach me how to stop."

Thanks,
-Leah.

jamie28 · Post by **jamie28** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:57 am

print out what you just wrote and take it to her. if you are afraid you will chicken out, mail it to her.

T's get things in writing quite often. many people are just more comfortable communicating that way.

jamie

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:58 am

My T noticed my difficulty in communicating the first time I met him, and from the get-go he had me keep a journal. I used that to express what I needed help with a lot. It was easier when I was alone and could organize my thoughts or just vent and rant and let him know what's going on in my head since I'm really shy and quiet in person. For me, it took a while before I actually felt comfortable saying what I needed help with and discussing it, and feeling that it was okay to call him at 9pm to say "I'm in a bad place right now and I need you to talk to me or I'm afraid I might cut." Maybe it'd even be helpful to print out some of your posts from bus for her to read, seeing as you're more comfortable typing here. Can you mention to her that you're having a hard time asking for help? That might be helpful in itself and she may try a different approach to make it easier for you.

Good luck with your therapy.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 4:02 am

Hi Leah.

When I told my old T about cutting, I was a nervous wreck. So you're definitely not the only one.

It helped me immensely to write what I wanted to say instead. I wrote what I was hoping to gain from therapy, but aside from that I just printed off posts I had made in my place. I gave them to the therapist at the end of the session so I wouldn't have to see his reactions. It wasn't particularly subtle, but it was less stressful for me that way.

Another strategy I have used is to write an index card with issues to mention on it. I refer to it when I am getting nervous during an appointment and need to remember the issues I wanted to discuss, etc. (Seriously--the card even has a list of the meds I take)

I admittedly have a hard time saying the words "I cut" out loud. So when I had an appointment with a new psychiatrist, I said "I have used some maladaptive coping methods and would like to learn healthier ways of dealing." That is sort of nonspecific, but she started asking questions and I find direct questions easier to handle.

anyhow, I hope you find a strategy that works for you.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 4:04 am

ah, sorry to repeat what the others said. I am a slow poster so Jamie and mindpoison beat me to it.

good luck.

cellette · Post by **cellette** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 4:05 am

I know hard it is ........... reading this sounds just like me with my T, as in I find it so hard to verbalise things with her and I just shut down, even though there is a part of me silently screaming inside all the things I really want to be able to say.

Luckily for me, my T understands and accepts the fact that I am more likely to be able to explain my thoughts and feelings through writing to her (via email or any form of writing). She figures writing is better than not communicating at all ......... and I am slowly improving at taking some risks in telling her things in the session at the time they happen (although this still has a long way to go

)

Is it possible for you to write down what you want to say and give it to her to read? Or even give her your post - because I think you explain yourself (and your frustrations) really well.

Hope this helps ............ I'll be keeping an eye on this to see if others have any good ideas (because it's something I need to get better at as well)

cellette · Post by **cellette** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 4:08 am

balletomane wrote:ah, sorry to repeat what the others said. I am a slow poster so Jamie and mindpoison beat me to it.

good luck.

me too - you all beat me to it while I was typing .......... I didn't realise I was that slow

Sky · Post by **Sky** » Wed Aug 17, 2005 4:45 am

Thank you all so much for the replies and suggestions.

I really like the idea of just printing that post out and giving it to her (or possibly emailing it).

I already told her I hurt myself, and she had noticed the scars before. We've talked about it a bit, but I think she is hesitating to come out with direct questions because she knows that I am quiet about that sort of thing. I just want to talk with her about it more in depth, because I really feel she can help me. She is amazing for even dealing with me so far, so I know it's not her fault, it's mine for not communicating well.

I also think that I will start typing up my journal entries and sending them to her (because she'd never be able to read my handwriting, rofl). I think that that would help her have a better idea of what is going on inside my head and stuff. I thought about doing that before, but thought that it might be a dumb idea, so I'm glad that so many others do.

Again thank you all so much for the suggestions and support. I will definitely take the advice given and put it to use in reaching my goals of understanding (and hopefully stopping) my SI.

-Leah.

Talking to my T

Talking to my T

Who is online