After

[strmdncr]

Have you taken care of your physical wounds? If not, go do that now. We'll wait.
Yes

What had happened just before?
Nothing unusual, was just sitting at computer trying to distract myself when partner went to bed and house was suddenly quiet

What were you thinking and feeling?
That I wanted something else to help, but had tried so many things and they only worked temporarily and that I know what to expect pretty much if I SI and just wanted to feel a bit centered and focused instead of feeling all scrambled inside.

Why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? Was there an event that was the final straw? What was it?
The house was quiet, no chance of anyone seeing what I was doing. The final straw I guess was just earlier in the day I had finally reached my T just as he was leaving the office about booking an appointment and he said to call back in the morning after I told him I was fine…which really I wasn’t so I guess was angry at myself for not saying how I actually was.

How did the situation get to the final straw stage? Trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. Look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Thursday I registered for another class that for some reason caused a fair bit of anxiety so Friday I started trying to call my T for an appointment and wasn’t having any luck in directly reaching him. Then an incident at work which was basically like having my feet swept out from under me happened so when I got home from work I sent email to my T to book an appointment and then worked to keep SI urges down until Monday knowing I wouldn’t get an answer before then. Started trying again to reach T on Monday and finally did just as he was leaving and instead of telling the truth as to how I was, and that I wasn’t sure I could wait until next morning to call back told my T that I was fine and could wait b/c I didn’t want to bother him when he had finished his work day. So I guess a different decision would’ve been to tell him the truth about how I was feeling.

Were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? Can you address those in the future? How?
No factors like that

What other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? How well did they work?
Took time with my animals, spent time with the family for the weekend, wrote on BUS, tried focusing on positive, breathing excercises, tried dunking face in ice water (is supposed to shock the system or something like that), worked (‘cause don’t SI at work), talked with my partner, talked with co-workers, called a friend on the phone…all sorts of distraction techniques. They worked well while I was directly involved in them, but as soon as I had a moment to myself when I wasn’t somehow busy it just came back feeling stronger than before I tried to cope otherwise.

In retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? What were they? Name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I guess I’d have to say the big one is taking time to say how I feel rather than worrying about other people and what they are doing. Realizing that they can take care of themselves if they are unable to talk at that time. Two things that I will do to help myself remember are: spend time each day (going to have to work on this one for sure), but especially when I’m triggered that I can take care of myself, and secondly recognize that I am responsible for me, not for everyone else. Not quite sure how I’ll manage that one yet. Logically I know it, but when it comes to feelings, logic disappears.

How do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? Is it resolved? If not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Still hurt, angry, betrayed, frustrated, disappointed, mildly down…a whole mix of emotions. Nope, don’t suppose it is resolved. Steps I might take towards resolution are to talk to the person who inadvertently created a situation where I felt these particular feelings and look at why the anxiety with registering at one particular school happened and didn’t with the other school.

Are you likely to be in that emotional place again? How will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yep, most likely as it’s happened before, good chance can happen again. I recognize it by the feelings at the time.

What will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? List three specific things you will commit to trying.
Talk to myself, let myself know that it is okay to be angry with other people and okay to let them know that instead of keeping the feelings to myself.
Be truthful with myself and others.
Can’t think of a third right now, other than all the things I already did b/c while it didn’t end up with my not SI’ing, it did hold it off for almost four full days.

[balletomane]

strmdncr:

It sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on why you felt frustrated and how to approach the situation differently next time.

What sorts of things can you do to deal with overwhelming feelings? How can you express your feelings and communicate your needs more effectively? And how can you express your feelings and cope when you are alone? You used a lot of good distractions, but what about methods of releasing frustration and letting some of that stress dissapate? I know that symbolic actions (listing the things that are frustrating me then tearing up the paper, etc) help me release some of the anger/frustration/hurt. Those exercises don't make the feelings go away, but they make the feeling slightly less intense so I can think logically again.

Anyhow, just some thoughts. I don't know if any of that is helpful at all. Take care.