Before

[strmdncr]

1.Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
To get past this urge, this feeling of not being good enough and the anger that’s surrounding me at this point. I don’t know of any other way to deal with the anger without blowing up at people and that’s not an acceptable way so I turn it towards myself.


2. Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yep, I have. Last time it was this strong of an urge I just made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do anything until I talked with my T. That was the longest 10 days in my life and I felt like all it would take is someone to say hi the wrong way and I’d be down their throat…not a good feeling at all.

3. What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I’ve worked on my breathing exercises, kept myself busy as much as I can, wrote an email to my T to book an appointment and then followed through today by phone to try and get an appointment time. Tried the ice water thing my T told me about and I went camping for an evening with family, spent time with my animals…all of which has helped for the time that I was doing it, but can’t do all those things forever


4. How do I feel right now?
I feel hurt, betrayed, frustrated, angry, upset, annoyed, confused and sad. I feel lonely, unable to find someone to talk to who would understand.


5. How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
More focused only on physical pain, kind of numb to emotional stuff and also a bit numb to the hurting to a degree as well.

6. How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Less emotionally overwhelmed as I’d have something physical to focus on. Tomorrow morning I’m not sure at this time…if it follows usual pattern kind of angry with myself for giving in, maybe continuing urge to cut but would be milder.


7. Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I’m hoping to learn better ways to deal with these kinds of stressors in the future because I would expect that by working for someone else there will always be similar types of situations at some point.


8. Do I need to hurt myself?
Yikes, this is a big question…the way I read it is need versus want. Do I need to…..shit, I don’t know, I feel so confused and lost and alone and unable to cope at this time. Will it help with that, no, not really, but will it make me feel better on some level yes. I can’t answer this one.

[Jomomma]

What is going on that has you feeling like you are not good enough?

Last time it was this strong of an urge I just made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do anything until I talked with my T. That was the longest 10 days in my life

Can you think of 3 things that you did in that 10 day period that helped you make it through?
Do you think they could work this time?