at least it's Before

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:40 am

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring me calm , give me a sense of control and peace will help me sleep. Take away my self worth by feelings of shame.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel good and in control of my actions. Farther

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Not sure the relief seems shorter and shorter the more I do it. Feel bad and feel like I need to do it again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Take a Benadryl or read something, listen to something other than sad music.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? How will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Not good most likely. Hopefully good and the urge will have passed.

What do i really want to do right now? How can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to sleep. Not SI try and shut my mind off and sleep

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Feeling frustration about not being able to express myself. Wanting to go to sleep, but not being able to shut my mind down. Thinking I’m not such a great mother…feeling sorry for my kids

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, stayed up most of the night tossing. Not good ended up Siing the next day over something small.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
started answering these questions, take something to help me sleep.

How do I feel right now?
Better…tired and less spun

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Calm and in control relief

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Calm and sleepy now.
Ashamed and depressed in the morning.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not sure, can try not to get so wound. re read what Nobody said in my last after. I can try and break the downward cycle.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No[/

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:58 am

I wonder if you might need a distraction of some type to break the spiraling thoughts? It sounds like this would be a great time for a good book and a hot drink (without caffeine, of course).
Sometimes getting into someone else's world helps me stop a negative thinking pattern. Then as you are trying to sleep, keep redirecting your mind toward whatever you just read. It will try to wander all over and get into trouble, but just keep going back to something safe...
I hope you are able to sleep tonight. It sounds like you are doing what you can right now to avoid SI. Keep hanging on...you can get through this.

Post by **Jomomma** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:00 am

Thinking I’m not such a great mother…feeling sorry for my kids

What happened that makes you think you are a horrible mother?

I don't know if it will help or not but are you aware that every mother in the world thinks they are a bad mom at some point in time?

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:17 am

They do?

I took my daughter to the doctor for this Perthes thing she has going on with her hip and she's got all these flea bites on her legs and she's picked them and I don't know...I keep thinking she picks them because she likes to see them bleed and it's something i gave her or something don't know if i'm making sence.
crap i don't feel good.

Post by **Jomomma** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:20 am

Can you go outside and get some fresh air??

As for bites and picking
They all do that at some point.
I can't think of many little ones who don't pick at bites
It starts cause they itch then they get hard and scabby then they just experiment and pick
Doesn't make you a horrible mom.
Our kids are a reflection of ourselves but they are also a comletely different individual thinking human being in and of themselves

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:28 am

nobodytoyou wrote:I wonder if you might need a distraction of some type to break the spiraling thoughts? It sounds like this would be a great time for a good book and a hot drink (without caffeine, of course).
Sometimes getting into someone else's world helps me stop a negative thinking pattern. Then as you are trying to sleep, keep redirecting your mind toward whatever you just read. It will try to wander all over and get into trouble, but just keep going back to something safe...

think i'll try this some more
thanks

It's crazy how one stinking thought can take me down

You're right Jomamma i think every kid picks

thanks don't know what gets into me

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:32 am

try not to be hard on yourself about thoughts...I think we have all experienced one thought turning a good day into a bad one. At least I have...often. So, learning ways to stop it is very helpful (although sometimes it doesn't seem to work....hmm...).
Glad you are doing a bit better right now and I hope the book helps.

Post by **Jomomma** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:41 am

pandablue wrote:thanks don't know what gets into me

The same thing that gets into every mom when things are not perfect.
It's what makes us human and good moms

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:45 am

thanks
don't think i'm spinning anymore

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:11 am

i worry about that with my step daughter too but i really think it's a kid thing more than an SI thing when it comes to picking mosquito bites. I hope i'm right!

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:23 am

i'm sure you're right PurppleG
i think what got me was she was hidding behind the couch putting bandaids on some of them...don't know kinda reminds me of me hidding out and all. but i've told her not to pick them because they will leave scars

so, that's most likely why she was hidding
it is a common thing with kids...if she sees anything that can be picked she does...just a kid thing not si i'm sure...just my guilt getting the best of me once again
thanks

I do feel better now and think i can sleep good

Panda

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 3:39 pm

I made it through the night and the urge is gone today.

Thank you everyone!

P

kurdt_kobain · Post by **kurdt_kobain** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:12 pm

pandablue wrote:what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Take a Benadryl or read something, listen to something other than sad music.

I agree with everything else said, but I'd like to offer a kick-ass link for you. I have a problem with listening to sad music when I'm depressed too and I've gotten to the point where I can't find any music I enjoy that's not sad.

http://www.tinymixtapes.com/amg/

It'll link you to lists of mixtapes like "songs to make you comfortable" or "the cool side of a pillow" and some really random stuff.

It's actually helped me a lot; I thought I'd be random and pass it on.

Good job on beating the urge. What exactly did you do to beat it? What helped the most? The worst? There's a kickass set of questions that really helps to answer when you beat an urge right here.

Good job.

Stay safe.

pandablue · Post by **pandablue** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:54 am

thanks for the link KK
just reading the stuff there has me lol
I'll try answering the beat the urge questions to

Panda

bus

at least it's Before

at least it's Before

Re: at least it's Before

Who is online