after

[pandablue]

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes

what had happened just before?
Was waiting for a reply to an e-mail i sent feeling stupid for sending it

what were you thinking and feeling?
I was feeling stupid,thinking things i do allways seem to turn out wrong
feeling kind of sorry for myself, feeling lonely

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
i guess i was thinking of a lot of things and just felt overwhelmed...too emotional to think straight

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
was feeling bad for what i thought was a stupid thing i did. then i started thinking of all the things i needed to do around the house. i was feeling stuck in my head not able to think or do anything productive. so i decided to take a shower...on the way to the shower i grabed my purse so i would have access to tool just in case. then i thought why chance that the shower wouldn't work. so i just cut before i got in it.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
lack of sleep was a major issue and feeling lonely. i should make myself go to bed early even when i don't think i can go to sleep...take a benadryl if i need to. call a friend

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
not sure i tried any it was kinda a spur of the moment decision


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
i could have given the shower a chance

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
?


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
yes i think so


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
possibly, i will recognize being tired, at least try to remember things seem bigger when i'm tired

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
taking a shower, going for a walk, doing housework?

[NobodyToYou]

I am sorry you had such a hard time last night...
I noticed that from your post, it sounds like the negative thoughts kinda took over for a bit. It seems to me the negative thoughts about sending the email started bad thoughts about your own intelligence (I very much doubt you are stupid. You write too well to be stupid) and what you "should" have done that you haven't done...
Seems to me you really got hard on yourself. Are you usually harsh with yourself before SIing? Because I usually am. So sometimes it helps if I can catch that I am being harder on myself than I would be on someone else...it at least tells me that I need to try some other ways to cope because I am getting into dangerous territory. What can help reverse that trend for you? Are there kind or compassionate things that you could do for yourself when you notice your thoughts getting too harsh? I know it is hard to do, because the thoughts are moving the opposite direction, but sometimes it helps me.
I don't think I am saying this very clearly. I probably should have waited a while to post, but since I didn't, I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. If not, send me a PM and I will try again.

[pandablue]

No Nobody, i understand you.
I never really noticed it before but it is true
i start with one negative thought and it seems to spiral into a lot of negativity and i do tend to be harsh with myself especially when i'm in that state before i si also i'm overly concerned with what others think of me. Maybe because i'm so hard on myself i think they must be thinking the same as me?
when i'm feeling ok about myself it doesn't bother me so much what others think
so, is that like some kind of cycle? if i stop it before it gets going that's the trick
maybe i need to sit and tell myself i felt good a while ago...i was ok and this will pass...easy to say now when i'm feeling ok
or just thinking what would i think if someone did what i did? how would i treat them, or think of them?
and even times i've felt people did something silly didn't mean i didn't like them or even have bad feelings for them usually they become even closer to me or more endearing to me

wow!

thanks you really got me thinking...in a good direction

[jamie28]

here is something that may help with the e-mail situation.

write it and save it as a draft, or write it as a word doc and save it. you can always copy and paste it into an e-mail. wait AT LEAST 6 hours, 24 hours is actually preferable (but i know that amount of time is not always possible). it's really best if you can "sleep on it".

re-read it. at this point you can send it as-is, you can modify and then send (or wait and review again), or just delete it.

it may save you from being in the position for feeling stupid about an e-mail you sent.

jamie

[pandablue]

Thanks Jamie

That's a good idea

i get so compulsive about things

it would be good to think on things like that for a while

look at it later and make sure it's something i want to say

thanks

[jamie28]

unless it's a business e-mail that HAS to be answered immediately, or one from one of my few very close friends who know about my issues and understand that if i write something "out of character" not to take it personally i do that with all of my e-mails. it has saved me no end of grief.

take care of yourself, hon.

jamie