c: i really care about you
m: its okay...i promise
d: i hate you with everything i have to hate with.
Things Left Unsaid *LA*
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musicofcacophony
- settling in
- Posts: 133
- Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 11:52 pm
- Location: NJ, USA
- Contact:
_______________________________________
"So, what'll we do with ourselves
this afternoon, and the day after that,
and for the next
thirty years?"
-The Great Gatsby
"So, what'll we do with ourselves
this afternoon, and the day after that,
and for the next
thirty years?"
-The Great Gatsby
I miss you, desperately. And I need you maybe even more than I miss you.
There's hardly anything I wouldn't give right now to have you here with me; to be able to cry into you, to have your arms around me, to have you stroke my neck in that way you do, and tell me it's going to be ok. Tell me you love me. Just be there.
I know you're home for less than 24 hours tommorow before you go again, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up about talking to you, but I actually really don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get to talk to you.
And... I'm kinda angry that you made me live and then just fucking abandoned me like this. It's not your fault and you're not doing it to hurt me, but... it does hurt.
There's hardly anything I wouldn't give right now to have you here with me; to be able to cry into you, to have your arms around me, to have you stroke my neck in that way you do, and tell me it's going to be ok. Tell me you love me. Just be there.
I know you're home for less than 24 hours tommorow before you go again, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up about talking to you, but I actually really don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get to talk to you.
And... I'm kinda angry that you made me live and then just fucking abandoned me like this. It's not your fault and you're not doing it to hurt me, but... it does hurt.
<center><i>I do not count the time, 'cause who knows... who knows where the time goes?</i></center>
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Bright Eyes
- just plain inspiring
- Posts: 7772
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 5:00 pm
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DecemberLivy
- just plain inspiring
- Posts: 7474
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:38 am
- Location: London
c: just stop it STOP IT leave me alone!
everyone: i am so so sorry
everyone: i am so so sorry
<center>my walpole cafe
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
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GlassWings
- creating your space
- Posts: 161
- Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2005 2:29 pm
- Location: Canada
- Contact:
M: I'm lying to you, everything I say and do is a damn lie. I'm way too good at faking it but sometimes I wonder if I want you to find out. But I know you'd blame him.
D: I'm afraid that the next call I get about you will be the one telling me you're not okay anymore. Please get help...
A: I feel like this is too much pressure... I can't go a month yet, it's like skipping 30 rungs on a ladder to get to the top more quickly. I'm just going to fall off and I'll end up hurting you... that scares me but I just can't cope yet. Please, please, please understand that it's not your fault that I cut, it's not your fault that I can't cope, it's just NOT your fault. You're worried, but putting pressure on me isn't helping... it's just adding to the weight I carry everyday.
S: STOP PRETENDING YOU SI. You don't realize how serious it is, you don't even know how much it affects the people around you! It's not a game, it's not a way to make people pay attention to you and whimper, "Awww, i luv u OMG *HUGG*". Suicide isn't a joke either. SI IS NOT COOL. >___________<
D: I'm afraid that the next call I get about you will be the one telling me you're not okay anymore. Please get help...
A: I feel like this is too much pressure... I can't go a month yet, it's like skipping 30 rungs on a ladder to get to the top more quickly. I'm just going to fall off and I'll end up hurting you... that scares me but I just can't cope yet. Please, please, please understand that it's not your fault that I cut, it's not your fault that I can't cope, it's just NOT your fault. You're worried, but putting pressure on me isn't helping... it's just adding to the weight I carry everyday.
S: STOP PRETENDING YOU SI. You don't realize how serious it is, you don't even know how much it affects the people around you! It's not a game, it's not a way to make people pay attention to you and whimper, "Awww, i luv u OMG *HUGG*". Suicide isn't a joke either. SI IS NOT COOL. >___________<
<center><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/ ... wing02.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> Glass Wings <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/ ... wing01.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br>
<i>People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along</i>
<a href="http://not-that-perfect.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">My Blog</a>
(caution: triggers)</center>
<i>People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along</i>
<a href="http://not-that-perfect.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">My Blog</a>
(caution: triggers)</center>
Leave me alone. Please. I don't want this. I don't want anything you have to give.
"I'M A DISGUSTING WORTHLESS BILGESACK ON THE GARGANTUAN TEAT OF A LABORING, LEPROUS MUSCLEBEAST. MY SELF ESTEEM IS SO SMALL, ITS EXISTENCE IS A MATTER OF CONJECTURE AMONG THEORETICAL PHYSICISTS. THE ODOR MY BODY MAKES HAS MADE POETS CRY. I UNFAIRLY PULVERIZE THE COMPETITION IN ASSHOLE PAGEANTS, AND I HAVE RECEIVED A LIFETIME BAN FROM UGLY CONTESTS BY PRESIDENT SHITFACE HIMSELF. MY BLOOD IS NOT FIT TO FLOW THROUGH A SEWER, AND MY SIGN IS A PICTOGRAPHIC SYMBOL THAT LOOSELY TRANSLATES AS "PLEASE HIKE THESE PANTS UP TO THIS GUY'S ARMPITS, CHAIN HIM TO A FLOGGING JUT, AND MAKE A FUCKING EXAMPLE OUT OF THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT." WHEN I LOOK IN A MIRROR, MY REFLECTION SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD WHILE I WET MYSELF IN SHAME."
(⊙‿⊙✿)
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Mindpoison
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 472
- Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 12:35 am
- Contact:
I thought you would be the one person I could depend on and call and talk to when things got bad. I thought you would always be willing to give me support when it was convinient. I wasn't expecting THAT much. I know you have a very busy life so I don't mind if you have to call me back later or constantly reschedule. But damnit. I feel unloved, unimportant. I feel like I don't matter to you anymore. Now that I'm not your patient anymore you don't give a damn. I thought we were friends. You gave me your cat for fuck's sake! You let me talk to your son. Your wife knew me by name. You talked to your other friends about me and showed them my portfolio and bragged about me. You were my best friend. But I called you Friday because I really..really really needed you. Something so bad happened and I'm so depressed, SU, cutting again, not eating, not getting out of bed. A isn't even in this country right now so I can't go to her. And it's almost Monday morning and you never called me back. Now I feel like the only things I can really rely on are my SI tools. See, I wasn't upset when you didn't call me back Friday or Saturday or Sunday morning/afternoon. But fucking hell man. I'm crashing and you're the only person I trust to pull me back up.
<center>
It's easy to be miserable. Being happy is tougher - and cooler. </center>
It's easy to be miserable. Being happy is tougher - and cooler. </center>
richard and issac - i'm confused. you guys are so racist, but you are also really nice guys... but racists are meant to be horrible people, always complaining about people, always bitching about other races... you arent meant to be nice... could it be that in a way, i was brought up to be as ignorant of you as you are of black people and asians?
l - i hate that you make me feel guilty for everything. but i have a sneaking suspicion i do the same for you... i hate that too. or am i wrong? am i going too far again? i dont know!
lauren - are you only pretending to be off bus? are you really here, keeping track of my posts? i'm too scared to write real things in case you are here. but i feel guilty for feeling like that. but we all have things we dont want people to know....
l - i hate that you make me feel guilty for everything. but i have a sneaking suspicion i do the same for you... i hate that too. or am i wrong? am i going too far again? i dont know!
lauren - are you only pretending to be off bus? are you really here, keeping track of my posts? i'm too scared to write real things in case you are here. but i feel guilty for feeling like that. but we all have things we dont want people to know....
<center>
<b>FISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?!</b>
~"What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find."~
Another Lonely Day
~~Laura~~
</center>
<b>FISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?!</b>
~"What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find."~
Another Lonely Day
~~Laura~~
</center>
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balletomane
- one of us
- Posts: 13705
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 3:54 am
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DecemberLivy
- just plain inspiring
- Posts: 7474
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:38 am
- Location: London
I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT
BUT I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS
HOW CAN YOU THINK I'M F***CKING OKAY
I'M NOT OKAY
BUT I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS
HOW CAN YOU THINK I'M F***CKING OKAY
I'M NOT OKAY
<center>my walpole cafe
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
"My life's a mess"
"That's the way it's supposed to be" - soap -
</center>
I think I'll paint roads
on my front room walls
to convince myself
that I'm going places.
can i have a hug?
--
do you love me? i'm scared.
--
i don't want to be here. i want out. i feel isolated and superfluous here.
--
mage
--
do you love me? i'm scared.
--
i don't want to be here. i want out. i feel isolated and superfluous here.
--
mage
"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." -- Vincent Van Gogh
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" --Nelson Mandela
No hugs, thanks
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Catylyx
- orange smartie
- Posts: 1682
- Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2005 3:23 am
- Location: Finally in a place that i feel alive.
- Contact:
I really am having second thoughts ...but i know its only because i'm terrified we won't make it that long....
i love you.
--
i'm sorry...i love and miss you...and i hope you understand and accept him one day.
--
STOP TRYING!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE UP ALREADY! I'M NOT GOING TO TRUST YOU EVER AGAIN OR EVEN FORGIVE YOU! so stop already.
i love you.
--
i'm sorry...i love and miss you...and i hope you understand and accept him one day.
--
STOP TRYING!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE UP ALREADY! I'M NOT GOING TO TRUST YOU EVER AGAIN OR EVEN FORGIVE YOU! so stop already.
<i>I am innocent and I have been set free
I no longer have chains around my feet
And no matter where I go or what they say
I am innocent</i> --Third Day
** 1 YEAR**~~back on the wagon 6/19/06~~
I no longer have chains around my feet
And no matter where I go or what they say
I am innocent</i> --Third Day
** 1 YEAR**~~back on the wagon 6/19/06~~
im sorry we argued
dont change too much please
you're not mad, its just late
i still love you
i cant carry on with this love affair, make up your mind!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love you, but if i tell you our friendship is over. You dont suspect a thing, you thought i was tlaking about cor and em, but no, i fancy YOU!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
im sorry cor, u have no idea whats going on, wish you were here
dont change too much please
you're not mad, its just late
i still love you
i cant carry on with this love affair, make up your mind!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love you, but if i tell you our friendship is over. You dont suspect a thing, you thought i was tlaking about cor and em, but no, i fancy YOU!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
im sorry cor, u have no idea whats going on, wish you were here
Burnt Hobbits On Toast!!!!!
Proud Member of NOB WHEATS
Not Old But We Hate Every and All Text Speak
>>>>>>>>>
!!!! <<<<<<<<
Proud Member of NOB WHEATS
Not Old But We Hate Every and All Text Speak
>>>>>>>>>
!!!! <<<<<<<<-
fuzzy ducky
- spiffy maximus
- Posts: 4206
- Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 10:42 pm
- Gender: Female
- Location: UK
*ED*
Mum - Please, just please stop trying to force me to eat!! If I dont feel hungry then I cant force it down ok? It just makes me feel sick. And also stop ringing dad and asking if I have had enough to eat every day. It makes me mad that it was you who went on at me for the last year and a half telling me that I am fat and that I am going to get diabetes and die, I know that you care about me NOW, but it isn't going to make up for some of the things you have said that I still tell myself every time I look in the mirror.
SJ - Been told that I am turning you against me. I'm sorry. I never meant to get so upset about things, I thought that it was just me and you, helping each other out when we got upset. I dont understand. I thought we were friends and now I dont know what to think anymore. I will always keep your secret.
SG&AG - Dont want to go to Durham!! Dont make me go, If I cant get home easily I will panic!!! I have told you this before!! If I say no please accept it.
Everyone - Sorry I am still here. Sorry I am who I am. Sorry that I look at myself and want to tear myself up because I hate every single thing that makes me look/act/think the way I do. Sorry that I am pathetic, needy, clingy. Sorry that you have to put up with me whinging about how shit I am. But that's just how I feel. Sorry that you all feel like you have to help me when your own problems are probably so much more important to you than mine. Sorry that I make everyone hate me by hating myself so much. Sorry that I can hardly bear to keep staying alive. Sorry I am a bitch. Sorry that I am a waste of your time and energy. Sorry that I am such a waste of a life. Sorry that I cry. Sorry I am crying now. I'm not worth your pity and I know it. I'm not worth your time. I'm not worth anything. I am truly so so so so sorry.
Mum - Please, just please stop trying to force me to eat!! If I dont feel hungry then I cant force it down ok? It just makes me feel sick. And also stop ringing dad and asking if I have had enough to eat every day. It makes me mad that it was you who went on at me for the last year and a half telling me that I am fat and that I am going to get diabetes and die, I know that you care about me NOW, but it isn't going to make up for some of the things you have said that I still tell myself every time I look in the mirror.
SJ - Been told that I am turning you against me. I'm sorry. I never meant to get so upset about things, I thought that it was just me and you, helping each other out when we got upset. I dont understand. I thought we were friends and now I dont know what to think anymore. I will always keep your secret.
SG&AG - Dont want to go to Durham!! Dont make me go, If I cant get home easily I will panic!!! I have told you this before!! If I say no please accept it.
Everyone - Sorry I am still here. Sorry I am who I am. Sorry that I look at myself and want to tear myself up because I hate every single thing that makes me look/act/think the way I do. Sorry that I am pathetic, needy, clingy. Sorry that you have to put up with me whinging about how shit I am. But that's just how I feel. Sorry that you all feel like you have to help me when your own problems are probably so much more important to you than mine. Sorry that I make everyone hate me by hating myself so much. Sorry that I can hardly bear to keep staying alive. Sorry I am a bitch. Sorry that I am a waste of your time and energy. Sorry that I am such a waste of a life. Sorry that I cry. Sorry I am crying now. I'm not worth your pity and I know it. I'm not worth your time. I'm not worth anything. I am truly so so so so sorry.
My Myspace
Of course I'm out of my mind, Its dark and scary in there
Fuzzy Ducky - Zombie wh0r
My Place-Slightly Quackers
Of course I'm out of my mind, Its dark and scary in there
Fuzzy Ducky - Zombie wh0rMy Place-Slightly Quackers
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balletomane
- one of us
- Posts: 13705
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 3:54 am
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