Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 5:11 am

I only recently realized that I will be b for the rest of my life. I cried.

ED TRIGS

I have been restricting my eating a lot. It's the only thing I have to be proud of.

END TRIGS

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 6:20 am

i'm still afraid of the zombie in the shower, the man under my bed, the monster in my closet, the winged monster that waits on the roof outside my window until i am asleep, seeing "i'm under the bed" painted on my ceiling when i go to bed, going into a room without turning the light on first, and sometimes being alone in the house.

Jill* · Post by Jill* » Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:36 pm

PM's okay

*DRUGS*

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I want to relapse and take a certain hallucinagen that i used to rely and OD on. I want it so the thoughts will go away. I've already relapsed SI...and nobody knows. I want someone to notice that my smiles aren't real and that the tears are always there, just behind my mask.

*SEX*

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I'm confused about who I am. I've always been with men, but I've had thoughts about women for years. Now those thought are getting stronger and more intense. I'm attracted to men...and women...and that scares me.

Post by **treasure** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 10:14 pm

comments ok

i tell ppl i have 3 friends but 2 of them i haven't talked to for months. i've gone past the "i need friends" thinking to not wanting anyone to see how much i want to die. i don't want them to tell me to stay around cos it might change my thinking for a while. i need to be right.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 10:39 pm

Last night they were wispering about me and I thought maybe I was sharing my mind w/someone else because there were two ppl's thoughts in my head, mine and someone elses, much like mine, but not mine.

When People scream or I hear loud noises they scream in my head and I can't think.

*SI* Sometimes I cut just to cut.*SI*

I HATE when my friends worry about me, I don't want them to waste their time because for me it's no big deal, and even if they know it is a big deal, I just don't like the idea of people giving me so much attention, it makes me uneasy, but I don't know why because I love being the life of the party.
I suppose I don't want to be known as "That crazy girl" forever.

Mistress · Post by **Mistress** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 1:05 am

*Comments very welcome*

When I was cleaning out my room, I found a bunch of old meds I'd hidden away when I was planning my OD. I should throw them out because they tempt me, but I can't because they tempt me.

I'm torn as to whether I could "get away" with doing that again.

BladeAngel · Post by **BladeAngel** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:36 am

~Instead of adding onto my last post- I just posted a new one *shrugs* I feel odd about that. That is one secret I guess.

~I'm terrified to sleep in the dark. I'm 21.

~I live a complete fantasy life in my head. It's where I escape to. Often I hang with celebrities in there. Currently I'm dating Bam Margera there too. I'm so weird.

~I often go places where I know no one and pretend I'm somone else.

~I still love him. and he still loves me. He tried to convince me to leave my fiance. I told him no and now he won't talk to me. For some reason this doesn't bother me like it should.

~Johnny Cash's cover of NIN's Hurt makes me cry. (The video is especially powerful to me).

~ I love music that I can feel emotionally. I listen to it over and over because it takes me somewhere else.

DecemberLivy · Post by **DecemberLivy** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:10 am

PM comment ok

- i really dont like who i am, but i dont want to change

- i've fallen out of love with craig

- my mum thinks i'm a good girl

- i pretend to hate trivium, but i really like them alot

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 4:16 pm

Pm's ok

I saw my uncle die.

Nobody buy my mom knows I'm DNR (Do No Resusitate).

I'm so sorry.

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 6:29 pm

Comments by PM fine.

I love love love having an ipod mini.
but its the "wrong colour."

and i HATE myself for never being happy with what i have.

cariad · Post by **cariad** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:40 pm

pm's ok

*ED*

whenever i meet anyone i work out how much i think they weigh, if this is ok, if they are under/overweight

i do this before i even loook them in the eyes

and i always hope so so hard that no one does that to me

im always scared that people think im weak because im not as thin as i used to be

i use my eating disorder to manipulate people

this has no where near gone away, i obsess over it everyday, still
and on one else thinks i do

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:46 pm

Ive written my suicide letters so that im organised when i finally give up fighting.

DecemberLivy · Post by **DecemberLivy** » Mon Jul 25, 2005 9:05 am

-Pm's ok-

i miss being held by tom, even though it was all fake

i told my mum i'd never SI again when she found out... but i'm still cutting on my legs and she doesn't know

i imagine beating people up in my head to get rid of my anger. and this includes anger at my little brother.

i am sorry i am not perfect enough for my dad

i am sorry i am not perfect enough for my mum

i am sorry craig thinks i'm not a good friend, i'm not

i am so sorry for everything
i am so sorry

Miss Scarlett · Post by **Miss Scarlett** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 5:21 am

I always fall in love with people I can't have...... even though I'm already engaged to a great guy.

I'm not good enough for my parents.

I'm an alcoholic.... and when I say it out loud people think I'm joking, but I'm really an alcoholic.

I feel I'm an inadequate cutter. I can't even SI right.

I'm getting my masters degree is something I could care less about.... only because thats what people want of me.

I wanna write a novel. No one thinks I'm talented enough. I know I am.

Sometimes I don't think I'm good enough to post on this site. I dunno.

PMs welcome.

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:30 am

the things i hate the most in other people, are always the things i see in myself... maybe thats why i hate them....

i LOVE scars

xanemicroyaltyx · Post by **xanemicroyaltyx** » Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:03 pm

pm's okay

x sometimes i tell people i love them when i don't just because i want them to look after me

x i told her i'd only taken the morning after pill [because of sa] once because i didn't want her to think i was a slut. but truthfully it's been more than that.

x one time, i almost thought that a part of me liked what he was doing.

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:48 am

As long as I don't get my results I can't be dissapointed because I can still hope that mabey they're better than they are

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 7:18 pm

*SERIOUS ED Trigs*

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I spend time on a pro-ana board. I have given people advice trying to stay as healthy as possible if they continue to insist on fasting. I am afraid that my presence on the board makes me complicit in their habits. As much as I hint that fasting is a bad idea, etc. I've never come out and said it. I sort of let them think that it was okay.

I have taken advice from people on that board. As much as I worry about them, I can't be moved to give a damn about myself.

I know that restricting/purging are horrible for ones health.

I am still planning my fast.

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END ED TRIGS

comments fine.

Illumina · Post by **Illumina** » Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:27 pm

*comments fine*

*su*

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I can't be sure if I'm more afraid of him killing himself because I love him and want him to be happy, or because I am a selfish bitch and I need him in order to go on with my life.

If he goes, he takes me with him, and I mean that seriously.

Lynn · Post by **Lynn** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:05 pm

* I want to act like a little kid and I want someone to take care of me. I want someone who understands me and can give me what I need on the right moments. I can't stop longing for a mother-figure, and this longing is terrible.

* I don't seem able to take responsibility for myself. I feel dependant on others. I hate myself for this. I hate myself for not trying harder.

* Sometimes I want to completely destroy myself in all possible ways, though I know they will put me IP when I go too far.

(comments are fine)

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Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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