Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

silvertears · Post by **silvertears** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 2:43 pm

* I want someone to hold me at night
* I want to be a small child and get the love I need

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 5:45 pm

I feigned a crush on a guy at camp so my friends would stop saying I was weird.

I really don't give a damn about how I look, but I still care when people judge me because of it.

I'm starting college next month. I am going to a science and engineering school to study math. Sometimes I wonder if this is the path I would have chosen. That scares me.

On some level, I regret sacrificing b the dancer for the benefit of b the student.

When I don't have anyone to talk to, I get really lonely and pray that someone will IM me. When they do, I realize that I didn't really want to talk to them.

I don't like a lot of my friends.

As much as I might want to, I know I will never kill myself. I am too afraid .

comments welcome.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:44 am

*ED*
-I feel fat all the time, I didn't used to but now I can't SHAKE the feeling ever it tourments me. Everytime I eat I wonder, "Is this a binge" and even if it isn't I think "how am I going to not purge this" I wish for 5 seconds I stop thinking about purging

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:45 am

Pm's Ok

*ED*
*
*
*
*
*
-I told my friends I was going to try to stop. But then I thought "I didn't say WHEN I was ging to try to stop" so I have just slowed down and become more secritive and talk about stopping more but I haven't stopped. I haven't changed. And I don't know how to stop. Where do you begin? WHAT IS STOPPING? Just because I don't purge doesn't mean I am not thinking I'm fat. Does not mean I am replaying soem version of a purge over and over in my mind. Having that voice tourment me. That is worse than the purging.

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 1:03 pm

double post. well done me.

Forget Me · Post by **Forget Me** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 1:05 pm

comments ok - PM

-i have a crush on one of my best friends. but its okay cos he's just another guy in love with stacey.

-sometimes i think i might be better off if i wasnt on BUS.

-i think i have forgotten half my life. but i also think i filled the gaps. its only when people tell me things didnt happen, or that things did, that i wonder.

SA

-i was SA'd when i was younger. i think everyone has forgotten except me, until i see the way he looks at me. but i dontee him often. thank god.

SA ends

-i cut more when i am happy than when i am sad, because i would rather bring myself down than let something else do it.

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:15 pm

*pms ok*

when i was little i used to fantasise about having different characters from TV shows as my dad because i felt like i didnt have one. but i do. he stayed home to "look after me" yesterday. he came in every hour to offer me a drink then went away again.

when i was not-so-little i used to believe that i had to be a super-hero secretly and any day now somebody would come along and prove it was true. i still dont know whether i was delusional or if i was just pretending because i just wanted my life to mean something.

my biggest dream is to save the world.

and i still fantasise about being saved myself.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:27 pm

PMs fine

I put up an away message when I am at my computer so I can pretend that is the reason no one IMs me.

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:27 pm

PMs ok

i miss having a relationship with God or whatever it is thats out there.

i wish my mum had had faith in me when i told her aged 11 i wanted to act and sing, rather than not letting me apply for performing arts schools because she thought i wasnt good enough to get in.

I really hate my school and my parents for forcing all the creativity and sense of artistic ability i had when i was little

I hate glandular fever even more because it took away my health, it made me an outcast at school, and it left scars on my mind.

*SA*

i hate it when people ask me when was my first kiss because i dont know if it was SA or not.

*end*

roseblum15 · Post by **roseblum15** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:52 am

PM's are fine

- The sorority has screwed me up more than anything else in my life, yet I couldn't imagine living without it.

- I don't know why I am so unapproachable, all I crave in life is somone to come talk to me.

MovingStranger · Post by **MovingStranger** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:44 am

PMs ok

*may contain SA/SI trigs*

- I was SA when I was 15, I never told anyone.

- I'm not sure I'll ever get over SI

- All I want is for someone to love me as much as I love them

jamie28 · Post by **jamie28** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:51 pm

i have two good (internet) friends on this site. i know them from other sites.

because of this, i can't tell my secret. i can't tell it where anyone i know may see it.

maybe i could if this was more ananomous, but as it is, they would know for sure it is me.

jamie

Illumina · Post by **Illumina** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:38 pm

*comments fine - pm*

I'm terrified of summer. No school means that I can literally sit at home and tear myself apart for a month. I have nothing to force me out, and I'll probably end up too scared of rejection to try to organise doing stuff. Eek.

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Fri Jul 22, 2005 12:11 am

*PMs fine*

-SA-

I have random casual sex becuse I was SA'ed by someone who was supposed to love and care for me, and sex makes me feel loved. I also antagonize the men who have sex with me, insult them and purposely make them angry so they'll hurt me and be forceful. Sometimes I let them believe they're raping me. And it feels so good.

jaded melody · Post by **jaded melody** » Fri Jul 22, 2005 10:52 am

PMs fine

i secretly really wish i could do something to improve BUS or help other people out on here more. But i dont think im worthy.

blackthorned · Post by **blackthorned** » Fri Jul 22, 2005 4:44 pm

PMs and replies welcome.

I'm afraid of being happy.

dreamiegurlie000 · Post by **dreamiegurlie000** » Fri Jul 22, 2005 10:03 pm

Comments are fine-PM

i pretend to hate the kind of music i like around some people so they dont think i'm weird or stop being my friend

i make fun of my lil brother so i feel better

sometimes i think i was switched at birth becuz i'm not like them

i hate my body

i wish that someone would think i'm beautiful

Comments are fine-PM

musicofcacophony · Post by **musicofcacophony** » Fri Jul 22, 2005 10:05 pm

comments on pm, if you like.

-i staunchly defend my atheist postion, but im always trying to find more information on religions and going to church-type meetings and reading religious works...

-i could leave tommorow, and never look back...

-i want desperately to be held...

-i tell lies all the time...

-he hurt me and im still afraid of him...

-im terribly afraid of the dark...

~*Star*~ · Post by **~*Star*~** » Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:11 pm

* i tell people im ok because its easier than saying im not.
* i dont let people see me cry because it makes me feel vunerable and im convinced they will hurt me if they see me like that. the only person who is allowed to see me cry is dan, and i hate it then.
* i like letting people think i have a perfect life. but i hate the questions which come with it.
* when i was younger i used to play pretend games all the time. i had a different life, i was never me. i was always someone famous, or someone i'd read about in a book... or, someone who i really wanted to be who i knew. i knew i girl, in my brothers year who i thought was perfect, she had such a great family life, every time i saw her with her dad i was desperate to be her. her parents were divorced but man it was a good divorce.
* the dan thing is killing me. i cant deal with it safely for much longer. im gona explode.

fuzzy ducky · Post by **fuzzy ducky** » Sat Jul 23, 2005 2:20 am

Comments fine if you want to PM

-- I have been reading bus for months but have only just registered because I feel like I'm not going to be welcomed and that people will think my posts are worthless bollocks. And if no-one replies I will be more upset than I probably should
-- I am terrified of going to sleep at night on my own unless I have the door open and the light on (I'm 20

)
-- I am scared that I have and eating disorder because I throw up most of what i eat and I havent "passed" anything solid for over two weeks (probably TMI so sorry!!). And I wish someone would notice.
-- I don't hide my scars because I want people to see and be nice to me, but when people notice and ask about it I it really pisses me off.
-- Men coming close to me makes me feel physically sick
-- I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and mean it
-- I sometimes sit in when I'm lonely and plan all the songs and readings and stuff that I want at my funeral, and wonder who will organise it, or even if anyone would bother

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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