guess who's back....(rant)

[Guest]

so my old friend called me last night. her names cassie, and i haven't talked to her in like fucking 3 months. i left messages on her phone and she never called me back. but she called me last night. she asked how i was doing and i could tell by the tone of her voice what she wanted to hear. so i told her i was absolutely fabulous, a total lie, but i know that if i told her the truth she would probably never talk to me again. she wants to be my friend only when i'm doing great. and lately i haven't been. she gave me her phone number and told me i could call whenever. she asked about my grades, about my family, about how i was doing(infact she asked me how was doing 5 fucking times).

my big sis recently had a friend re-enter her life then drop out again, and she asked me if she should get involved with that friend again. i told her that if she had even the slightest feeling that this person was going to leave again, then its not worth the pain. now i'm faced with the same decision. those words that so confidently slid out of my mouth to my hurting friend, seem shitty as hell. i give out advice that i myself cant even take.

cassie and i have been friends for about a year, the longest friendship i've had has been the one with her. one year i know is not a big deal, but when you have friendship/relationship difficulties like i do, even a month is great. i feel part of the reason i want to re-enter this friendship with cassie is to prove to myself that i'm not as fucked up with friends as i thought. selfish. maybe thats what your thinking...i'm just selfish to only want to contenue this friendship to prove something to myself. selfish.

she never had time for me. but i guess thats the life of a struggling college freshmen. maybe i'm just being blind. maybe i'm the one to blame for her leaving. maybe i'm the one to blame for everything.............................

Little_Girl

[mallie]

I'm not sure what you're looking for. Can you specify what type of support you'd like here? I'm just offering a few thoughts, but if you're looking for something more specific, let me know.

Perhaps it isn't a question of blame. People go through times where they'll have less contact, thats pretty normal. Did you ask Cassie why she didn't return your calls?

But, lying to her about how you're doing is not going to help things long term. A friendship that is built on lies is not going to last. It can be hard for people to interact with people that are down - its hard to know what to say, or how to help, but it is usually better to admit the truth, and say this is how I'm feeling and this is what I'm doing to try and improve things. Give ways that she can help support you if things get tough.

Relationships of any type rely on trust. The flipside to the possible intimacy and companionship is risk of betrayal, a risk of being hurt. But you can't have a relationship without that trust. Nothing that will last, or be satisfying to you.

Good luck. I hope things work out.

[Guest]

I don't know what i want. thankyou for the advice, sry if i bothered anyone. i'd delete this whole post but i don't know how. so sry....