Almost 1 month SI free...missing it already

[Tori1989]

I haven’t Self Harmed for almost 1 month, but already i’m starting to miss it. Even when I don’t want to hurt myself, I think about it constantly. I know that I’m getting better, because I am finding better ways to cope with the urges, even though its difficult. It’s just the thought that I may never Self Harm again scares me. It’s been a big part of my life for so long, and the thought of letting go of all of that is frightening. I know I want to stop, i've tried so hard. Is it strange that I feel like this? Does it mean that i’m not ready to stop? Has anyone else had to deal with these feelings? Help would be very much appreciated.

[confused_hidden]

Congrats!!! Making it one month is tough. Its nothing to sell yourself short on. But, at least for me, its completely normal to miss it. Constantly. Its not strange at all to be scared of letting it go. But try and perhaps it might help, to think not of what you're letting go of, but what you're gaining. I'm not sure what you do, but the physical consequences of whatever it is, will be gone. You won't have to live with the secret. And what's already there will fade. I'm sure there's more positives that you can think of. Try it when you're feeling scared. It doesn't mean you're not ready. Its just a logical reaction. Its like taking away a kid's blanket, they're scared without it. Its a loss of security. I dealt with it, but not too successfully, so i am hesitating to suggest anything. Good luck, pm me if you need.
~*nikki

[Tamrick]

Well done on making it a month. I think its pretty normal to miss the SI although its a good idea to try to figure out exactly what it is you miss about it - the pain? the scars? or is it more the feelings you get from it? and so on...
I still don't tell myself that I will never SI again. Its a choice I made many times to SI and its a choice I could make again if I feel like it. The same of course goes for deciding to stop SIing.
I don't think you are not ready to stop - you have already stopped. I think what you are going through is normal and you will continue to think about it - let yourself, although not all the time. Well done on finidng other things to do when you get urges - keep working on that. Its been over a year since I last SIed and I still think about it and even want to do it occassionally, but less now than before. Hang in there. You are doing great. Go easy on yourself.

Tamrick

[twistddreamr]

first off....congradulations!! that's awesome you've made it a month! i know exactly how you feel...i often miss SI as well. it's hard, but it does get better...its almost been 11 months for me and it still pops into my head at times, but not as bad as when i first quit. good job and keep up the good work!

[Tori1989]

Thanks everyone, even though it's just been a month, it seems like forever since I Self Harmed. I'm scared about this next week, because it feels like I have already achieved this big goal of mine, so I have proved to myself that I can do it. So now i'll be tempted to slip before I continue to stay SI free. Lets hope all goes well this week.