Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

kate_ · Post by **kate_** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:14 am

~ i don't have many secrets that i haven't shared on bus...<--that's one

~ i wonder why i put myself through everything i do...why i look for more people to hurt me, after those who hurt me have left

~ i play every side with friends...i have no spine, even though everybody thinks i'm a tough bitch with an attitude. i'm always the first to apologize, unless i hate the person

~ when i was 10 me and my best friend went around telling people we were anorexic because we thought it was cool. that was when i started to develop my eating disorder and current obsession

~ in a group of people, i check out the girls instead of the guys. not because i'm attracted to them...i'm constantly comparing myself to them, asking myself who has nicer legs or prettier hair. it makes me feel better about myself when i win.

~ i don't check out the guys because i'm scared of them. they sicken me, unless they come onto me...then i feel like i'm actually worth something, if i made him look twice i feel as though i actually hold some value as a person

~ i used to pretend that i didn't want to get better, even though i did. it was the "i'm too cool for any of this mushy bs, and i just don't give a fuck either way" mask that i wore to protect myself...i even wore it around my doctors and therapists

~ i'm not wearing that mask anymore...i just don't want to get better.

~ i imagine and somewhat plan out how i'm going to apologize to everybody who has hurt me for making them hurt me.

~ i haven't killed myself yet because i'm scared that if i leave now, no one will notice. i want them to notice when i suddenly disappear.

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:03 pm

I'm afraid to tell my T that I've been using dangerous sex to cope now that I have SI and ED issues under control (I'm a lesbian and I've had unprotected sex with seven different guys in the past week; I didn't know any of their names).

The thought of being raped again turns me on more than anything else.

I neglected my pet rabbit and that's why she died...and I thought how much like my mother I was, except I didn't physically die when she neglected me.

I'd be happy if my mother died.

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:07 pm

i really really miss him. and i miss talking literature and music and that. none of it seems interesting anymore, because i haven't anyone to share it with in the same way.

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mage

shadow of a smile · Post by **shadow of a smile** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:50 pm

i´m afraid to let go of SI. if i do, do i lose a part of myself?

everyone in my family are very strong christians. i wish i could be like them, but my relationship with god isn´t up to par. although i sometimes pretend that it is.

i´m afraid to get attached to people. i´ll meet people and have fun with my `friends`, but i don´t get too close b-c i know they won´t be around for ever.

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 12:32 am

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mage

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 12:41 am

roseblum15, to answer your question just post a new one, or if you want you may go back and edit your old one, whichever you prefer.

*Comments are fine-PM*
-Last night Ryan called on accident. He didn't know his home phone had called me and I could hear him and Brandyn and Jon talking, and for a few minutes I auctually listened. (And I wondered how his home phone could accidently call me when he never calls?)

-I say I am over Ryan, and I think I am, but I'm not quite sure. I don't like Nathan (in that way because he is one of my good friends), but I might go out with him because I am bored, but I secretly wonder if it is just because I still like Ryan.

-I lie alot, but not about things taht matter, I just can't seem to stop. I have whole other lives that I made up with made up people and I try to stop lying, (and I know this will sound stupid) but I just can't! My friend Kate has the same problem so we have "lie-rap sessions" where we just get all our lies out.

-Everyother time I lie within the next five minutes I say "I'm sorry That was a lie", my friends think it's cute but i think it is really annoying.

*comments are fine-PM*

BladeAngel · Post by **BladeAngel** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:24 am

*Comments are fine. Please send comments via PM.

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-It makes me sad that how long I've made it isn't always enough of a reason to not do it.

-I was molested by my older cousin when I was 12.

-I hate what he did to me. I said no, over and over again. So why didn't I fight back? I was a stupid 17 year old child. I wanted to be needed

-The one time I tried to reach out for help, I confided to a trusted teacher in our daily journals. She wrote back to that entry and told me to quit being so desperate for attention. I never reached for help again.

red umbrellas · Post by **red umbrellas** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:46 am

this is tough

i've never been in a relationship
i'm not sure if i'm even capable of truly genuinely loving anyone
i'm selfish
i'm scared

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 9:49 am

-- I'm using my boyfriend, I feel like I'm cheating on him with myself.

-- I don't love him as much as he says he loves me.

-- As much as I say I don't like my mum, sometimes I really just want her to hug me and tell me it's okay.

-- I don't like jaffas.

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 11:24 am

**WARNING**

- Im scared incase i harm my children the way my parents harmed me. Some say those who abuse are ones who were abused themselves....What if they are right?

- I wish i was gay so i would never be touched by male hands.

- I wish someone would kill me or that god would give me an ilness that killed me. Theni wouldnt have to plan killing myself.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:14 pm

~Even though i say i've had a girlfriend for a week i never really did

~I've only had one relationship it was with my ex who was mildly abusive (not in a physical way)

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- My ex used to force me to give him hand jobs and I'd cry, he's touch me too down there even though I said I didn't want to. He used to pressure me into sex, but I never slept with him, I was afriad he would rape me. I was 14.

-He has a new girlfriend, I can't help but wonder, sometimes, does she sleep with him?

I know I'm messed up. god.

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Sun Jul 10, 2005 3:09 am

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU KNOW ME IN REAL LIFE!
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- there was this guy i knew. when he touched me, i felt ill and trapped. sometimes i was afraid he would hit me, and i'm not sure why.
- then there was this girl. after a bit i started feeling nauseous with her too, especially after sex or fooling around. but i wanted physical comfort. i hated the things she said to me. hearing them made me feel sick.
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mage

WoundedAngel · Post by **WoundedAngel** » Sun Jul 10, 2005 3:41 am

--i think i am crazy
--i only ever hurt ppl
--i am a bad person

i am already sad and think i might cry right now so i will come back tomorrow and finish this..ill edit it, k? right now i just need to go somewhere and do something that doesnt require much thought about the past or about myself and how dumb i am.

~*Star*~ · Post by **~*Star*~** » Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:40 pm

* if S tells me im gona tell dan, even though i've told her i wont.
* i think i may have led someone on whom i have no intention of ever going with.
* i love dan so much and im gona miss him like hell when im in costa rica. hes like my new brother, we are like twins.
* i've never had a boyfriend, even though i have had several 'things' with guys, and i've got loads of lad mates. which makes me think there must be something wrong with me.
* i lied to dan when i said my si was in the past. its been over 2 months since i last did but im no where near calling myself recovered, obviously, but he thinks its been loads longer than that.
* i'm gona fail my as levels. i need ABCC but i'm expecting to get D's and maybe a C if im lucky but i cant tell my mum that.

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:32 pm

* I have a plan for SU...but no one has ever asked if I do.
* I have never dated, and don't want to until I feel more stable. Relationships scare me.

Koru · Post by **Koru** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 5:02 pm

I want someone to come along and rescue me from myself

Oblivion · Post by **Oblivion** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 9:40 pm

My arm band isnt a fashion statement.

emnatic · Post by **emnatic** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 10:49 pm

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*i think i hav an eating disoreder i binge and cant control how much i eat at night and im totally out of control and no one understands or realizes and i work out for 2 hours a day and still eat and i never tell any1 how much ive ate ever cos however little it is im still ashamed and feel its too much
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*i dont know if im over za3 im defnitly still angry at him but how will i ver know im over someone
*im so mean to most new people cos i dont want them to hav time to figure me out and realize how mean they can be to me
*when i si i hide it all but im always wishing someoen wud notcie and help me
*i hav a fear of public speaking thats turning into a phobia and i just am so scared that people will see how scared i am cos i odnt want them to know and it makes me totally incpaable of talking i start shakking and i go hot and red and my vocie comes out weird and i dotn remember wat im saying and i mess up and talk the ron g language and i know everyone can see im nervous but that just makes me worse

amarganth · Post by **amarganth** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 11:23 pm

Deep down I think I want everyone to despise me as much as I despise myself, then for once I would be in the right.

Tori1989 · Post by **Tori1989** » Tue Jul 12, 2005 5:15 pm

:: I like to lead people on and fool around with them, but when they take a real interest in me and ask me out, I push them away. I feel I don't deserve to be in a relationship, or to be loved.

:: The thought of never SI'ing again scares me. It feels like i'll be losing a piece of myself, and I never want my scars to fade.

:: I sometimes hope that people will notice my scars, but when they actually do ask questions, it scares me.

Secrets(inspired by PostSecret)-Please Stay Safe!

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