Before - just

[namaste]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I will feel calmer, the awful thing in my head that tel,s me to cut will go away and I won't have to fight it any more, I might get attention, I feel as though I am worth somthing because I do something that others don't

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Bring to: calm
Bring against - scars, I've scarred relatively badly from the last one - can't thin kof anywhere on my body where it won't show, doesn't change the underlying feeling of worthlessness, doesn't change the need I have for attention...it's all attention seeking anyway.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel that I am worth something, feel valued, feel that I have not made the wrong decisions nad am regretting them, not feel jealous, not feel unhappy. Want to feel positive and not trapped. Hurting myself will bring immdiate relief, i know that, but will not necessarily help witht he other issues.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

A few days. Then it will start again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I'm goign to try to go to bed but I'm feeling too wound up to sleep properly. I might try the ice on the arm or the red pen. Or I coudl si less severely than I want to which woudl be a start. After that I will deal with tomorrow when it comes but in my experience the urges just keep coming day after day after day until I actually si then it goes away. Usually it helps for a good long while but something is wrong and it hasn't helped and the urges are back again. maybe I shoudlnt' coime to BUS.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Have a hug, talk to someone, feel that I was worthwhile and had a purpose in life nad in my career.

I don't knwo who to phone, I haven't got anyone to have a hug from. I'm goign to talk to my deputy head in the next few days about things at school and I don't knwo whether to tell him about the si or not or if I'm jsut wanting attention becuase I feel invisible. It's liek bieng in a bubble - back to being there but not bieng "there".

Feel a little calmer.

Jane

[Jomomma]

Why do you think you are just attention seeking?
Has someone told you that?

Is there something else you can do to make yourself feel more worthwhile?


What has brought you to this point?

[herebedragons]

You know there is nothing wrong with wanting attention, we all want attention sometimes. I hope you are able to find another way to get it than by SIing. Talking to your deputy head might be a good idea and I don't think it matters so much what your motives are. Sometimes we do the right thing for the wrong reason and visa versa but talking about a thing can be a good way to gain a bit of a feeling of control over it.

[namaste]

Hello

Mum and dad used to tell me - sometimes still do - that I jsut talk for the sake fo it so it's safer not to talk to anyone. I feel like I ma wanting attention, craving attention and being a nuisance. i'm not sure why but I often feel like that. I see the worst in my pupils and their most annoying traits and identify mysel fwith them.

I'm not sure what has got me here. I think a culmination of things building up over a few weeks, stress, working hard. I si-d after a long gap a few weeks ago after I didnt' get a job and it seems to have sent me back into the spiral/pattern. I'm finding it really hard to brea. The thing is, I know if I si I'll feel better and the "voices" will go away. Theyare really insistent and i'm thinking of si almost contantly at the moment.

As for not feeling worthwhile, the rational bit of me says that is silly. I've just been highly praised for a piece of work I did for the school programming a CD ROM but it doesn't seem to be enough. actually, thinking about it, my brother hit a veryraw nerve on Sunday when he was taunting me that I didn't do well in my degree (I got a 2:1 but really wanted a first) and all I hear about form Mum and Dad is how well he is doing and how their friends' children are getting PhDs and firsts nd things and I really really wanted that. I didn't get a firt becasue I was seriously ill through most of my degree so it was amazing that I finished at all but I still feel ilke I have failed. Every thing anyone says at the moment is like acid dropping on my soul.

#

Jane

[herebedragons]

Have you seen a doctor about the voices? May be something that can be done for them.