Honest, Serious Question...

[Rhetoryk]

I have an honest question and hope someone in here can help me to understand. I am 46y.o; and for the past 20+yrs. I have been "labeled" and judged a "sadist". Yes, I have learned to live with my "malady" by living in the s/m lifestyle. With that thought in mind, my question is...
Would it not help some who experience masochistic tendencies to live a lifestyle that not only accepts but embraces such predispositions? Or could it be that we are all so weighted down with "labels" that we can't raise our faces to the sun and enjoy who and what we are?
I am sincerely hoping that someone can shed some light on these questions and that perhaps I can better understand.
I recently had a very good relationship with one having such tendencies for a number of years. I found we complemented one another, and in many ways we "completed" each other in such ways. This relationship was lost when she made the decision to enter into a "vanilla" relationship and cease her masochistic ways. Has anyone else ever lost a very good relationship for like reasons?
I'll certainly appreciate any light you can shine on this. Thank you one and all.

[t_k]

I know a lot of self injurers who have embraced masochism.

Personally, I know that I will stop cutting all together if I am in an s/m type relationship that is stable and that I know the other person is entirely into.

If there's any doubt in my mind about the relationship or if I know that the other person is only playing the role of sadist for my sake then my cutting will get worse.

I don't think that labels are ever quite right... A person needs hundreds, if not thousands, of labels to be described fully.
But labels can be nice, they can give a sense of, I guess, security.

As for the woman who left the lifestyle... Experimentation goes both ways.

I don't know if this was the sort of reply you were looking for.
Lauren.

[mallie]

Welcome to the board.

I think that for someone with masochistic tendencies being involved in an s/m relationship would be a good thing. However, most self-injurers are not masochistic and self injury is not (typically) an act of masochism. Even for someone who SI's that was masochistic, to be involved in that way when distressed may not be completely positive. Let me just say that I think s/m is a positive thing in itself, but wouldn't be a suitable solution to stop someone self injuring, or to help them heal.

I don't know what was going on with the woman you were involved with. Relationships are far too complex to be able to answer such questions. I hope you can find the answers you're looking for.