over analyzing

[Fireflowerblooming]

I'm overanalyzing myself again. My husband was quiet tonight and went to bed early without saying anything, and I'm immediately jumping to the conclusion that he is pissed because I told him how I felt about his drinking. Which he knew anyway; but I don't know if he realizes how strongly I still feel about it, cause I stopped reacting to it a while back. More like, we decided to be grownups and trust that both of us were going to be able to cope and not go off the deep end. I know that I'm overreacting to this for no good reason. There's nothing I should be afraid of. But I think I hurt him, and that hurts me and makes me feel guilty, which sets off that old spiral reaction... and I don't really need to say what that leads to, right?

So I'm sitting here feeling decidedly not-grownup. I don't know if I want to curl up on the couch and cry myself to sleep tonight, or go to bed and suck it up. If I go to bed he'll be gone when I wake up in the morning. If I don't go to bed he'll find me on the couch either when he wakes up in the middle of the night to pee or when his alarm goes off and he gets up for work. If I go to sleep like I fell asleep by accident that's what he'll think, and if I use a pillow and blanket he'll take it personally and be upset again.

I'm way overanalyzing this, and I don't know what to do. I want to stay out of that spiral of depression, but I'm scared that it won't be possible if I keep going over this in my mind.

I'm scared.

[Space_Man]

Sorry for the belated response, but: My advise, for what its worth, is to make a concentrated effort to avoid guessing games. If you suspect he is mad at you—and you want to confirm it—ask. Communication is the key…otherwise you two are gonna just be roommates…

[scarredheart]

I agree with space_man, communicate with him. You can try to catch him in a good mood, and once you do, you can both talk...or try to. And If he refuses to talk, at least be proud of yourself that you made an honest effort to try...ok? If you need anyone to talk to, PM me ok? I'm only a teenager, and from what I've read, you're an adult, so I am truly sorry if you think I'm preaching to you, but please know that I'm just trying to help. So feel free to talk, I'll listen

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scarredheart

[jenpov]

I hope you've found some helpful advise from here. I overanalyze EVERYTHING all the time. Things spiral out of control in my head and I do "bad things" to cope. I understand where you're coming from. My husband just started working day shift, which is GREAT! But the schedule change throws my schedule off and if he's not home at a certain time, I get ticked off and have all this anxiety for the rest of the day. It's insane. But communication really is KEY. I let him know what bothers me and what situations and all. I hope this all helps you somewhat.

[fire.bird]

I'm way overanalyzing this, and I don't know what to do.

what do you want to do?

ignoring his feelings for the moment, or how you think he might feel, or how you'll feel if he feels a certain way, or or or... etc...

what do you want to do, right this minute?

i overanalyze, too. way overanalyze. and it sounds to me like you're like me -- when you do that, you can get into a spiral that leads to SI. which happens to me, too. and i've found that i have to make myself, at that moment in time, decide that the most important thing right then is to take an action that will get me out of the spiral before i SI. i have to decide that SIing or not is the most important choice i have in front of me, and then make a decision to act in a way that will ensure that i won't SI. and for me, that decision usually means honoring exactly how i feel, exactly what i want to do, right at that moment. do you want to not go in the bedroom? do you want to sleep on the couch? then choose to sleep on the couch... grab a blanket, snuggle up, close your eyes, let yourself feel safe ... and worry about how he feels about it and what that means for the two of you in the morning, when it's not late and you have a whole day in front of you to distract you from that overanalyzing headgame.

other than that, i absolutely agree with what everyone else has already said. tell him what you've told us. tell him that you're afraid that he's pissed at you, and why, and ask him to honestly tell you whether he is or isn't angry. talk about it with him. he's your husband -- he loves you. and whether or not he's actually angry, i'd be willing to bet that he'd want to do anything he could to make you feel better right at this moment, if he knew how badly you were feeling and that you were scared you might SI. so tomorrow, when everything's new ... talk to him about it.

hang in there.


~b