what had happened just before?
I was posting stuff...I was feeling urgy for no reason. I posted a Before...then I posted something else that brought a lot of feelings to the surface and posted another before...then I SIed.
No reason? You talk about feelings though, and, as someone who could win a gold medal for suppression, I have to say it's sounding like there was something, but you just didn't know how to describe it except for urgey...please try:
what were you thinking and feeling?
I had been urgy anyway. But by the time I SIed, I wanted the feelings to go away. I don't like them being there and I certainly don't like them interrupting my plans.
My T always says "I asked you about your feelings, not your urge" when I try to get away with this. "But I felt urgey!" I say. Well, unfortuanely an urge is not a feeling persay, it's a desire to act. So what does urgey mean for you? As I mentioned before, I'm champion at not knowing what feelings I've got going on. So try paying attention to your body. Especially your neck and stomach. Did you chest feel tight? Were you breathing differently? Headache? How were you moving? Were you shaking or did you feel heavy?
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
sleep should have come first, rather than SI. And if I had just tried harder, I could have made it. I just didn't...
You've hurt yourself once today, don't beat up on yourself anymore, okay? You tried hard, and you didn't make it, so it's easy to forget that, and feel like you should have tried harder. Sometimes you can't just white knuckle your way through an urge, especially when you are having a hard time figuring out why it happened. If you start to feel bad about SIing for too long, you will slip into other feelings, which will make you want to SI. then you will feel bad again. It's one of those vicious cycle things.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will take a nap.
I will try posting again (unless I end up feeling too guilty about this one, and then I won't.)
I will try to do something different...change the task I am working on or the room I am in...something to add a bit of variety.[/quote]
Please post. You never need to feel guilty about it.
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Okay. You don't like describing feeligs. Me too. In fact, it makes me frustrated and insecure. This particular post in sourcebook became my home for some time:
viewtopic.php?t=6769&start=0
My T spent months working me to the point that I can describe my feelings in any coherent way. For several years of my life, when I said the word "weird" I was referring to basically any emotion outside of happy or bored. So believe me, I get it. But it's worth it to work through. It's so much easier, so much more possible, to work through your urges when you know why you are experiencing them. You see, most coping mechanisms work for a specific thing. For me, when I am feeling alienated, I will post on bus because it gives me a sense of belonging. When I am angry, I will punch my bed. But if I tried to punch my bed when I was feeling alienated, it wouldn't work very well. So knowing your feelings really helps you know what you can do to work through them.
take care,
JoAnna[/url]
Nothing changes the situation. There is no situation. Just urges...and they aren't stopping.
