Things Left Unsaid *LA*

~*Star*~ · Post by **~*Star*~** » Mon May 23, 2005 8:38 pm

feel so jealous right now. i hate it in me. normally, im never jealous, im not a green eyed person or anything. well its not really jealousy, more annoyance. at you. just wish you'd quit it, yeah, you're mates but you're not that good mates- are you? stop acting like the bearer of good news, we all know you aren't, at least, i know you aren't. you're just a whatever, if i wanted i could tell people stuff when we meet up, but y'know, i dont because i take it forgranted that i know, i dont need to act all amazing as soon as someone tells me something so i have to tell the whole world. im not stuck up my own ass like you, you're so pretentious. i dont get why people even like you, you're so fake, you're so... annoying. you're so good. not good, but someone who i'd aspire to be like. yeah i know, whatever, im just jealous. im annoyed because when you tell people things they act like you're amazing. you come along and speak to the group and tell them things i already know and ive always known, and you speak about them as though they are novel and new. but ill tell you something- they're not. ive always known, i always get told, i dont need to proove it to anyone. we have our friendship, and its an amazing one, and we dont need you. so fuck off. its the two of us, together. it has been from day one and its going to continue like that forever. its always been us, you're not a part of us. get stuffed.

god im evil. i really am evil. im so jealous and protective. more protective than anything. if i trust you and love you, i love you with everything i have and im very protective over you, you become mine, but you can always do what you want. more mine when speaking to others "my (whoever)" but now..... god, you just get in the way. go away. we dont need your "news" as its old news and none of us give a shit. well some people do, but personally, i dont need your updates, im two steps ahead.

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Mon May 23, 2005 8:45 pm

T - Yes, I do have some sort of eating disorder, are you fucking happy? I don't want to deal with it now. I don't care if it's another form of hurting myself. I need something and...I'm scared to death that I don't have control over this. But I'm not ready to get better yet. Stop bringing up that I lost weight. I know. I can see. I did it on purpose. I know it's not healthy. I don't care.

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Mon May 23, 2005 8:48 pm

M & GM - You call me fat my entire life make it into your big issue, like you feel all bad and helpless. Now I'm finally starting to look good and you have to try and get all involved. I won't admit to you that I have an ED, but why the fuck does it matter? All you care about is me not being fat. That's all you care about. Don't pretend that you care how I lost all that weight. And stop asking me how I did it. I hate hearing that question. Just shut up and leave me alone.

xanemicroyaltyx · Post by **xanemicroyaltyx** » Mon May 23, 2005 8:55 pm

xandbackatthehospitalyou'regonnahavenofuckingvisitorsatallx

bexy · Post by **bexy** » Mon May 23, 2005 11:38 pm

I cannot talk to you about this. I can't. Don't ask me to again and take the hint when I change the subject, don't push. I can't have another conversation like that. I'll be the perfect granddaughter/daughter/niece this weekend and I promise that as long as Tina doesn't criticise I'll keep my feelings to myself, but do not ask me to discuss this with you because I can't.

PassingCloud · Post by **PassingCloud** » Tue May 24, 2005 8:31 pm

mike, i wish you were somewhere reachable for me because it would be just BEAUTIFUL to tell you all these things to your face, even though a bit censored because i wouldn't even want to hurt YOU, even though you hurt me without caring.
you know you kept crying about how you were so terribly abused, and making up story after story of things that never ever happened, telling EVERYBODY we ever met to make them feel sorry for you!!?! making us all think that you'Re a victim. i tell you what. you have long ago stopped being a victim and become the abuser yourself. you abused my trust, manipulated, controlled and hurt me in ways that i know you will never understand. you have hurt our friends more than i can say and sometimes i hate you even more for that than for hurting me. you have left a hole in my life that i don't even want to tell you about or else you might be thinking you've got another chance with me that you haven't got. you got too many chances from me... whenever i caught you at a lie you made ME feel bad and guilty!! ME! you managed to turn it all around and make me feel worthless.
and you know what else - you've got a gift and you're abusing and misusing it. you have the wonderful talent of an outrageous empathy and you're using it against other people. nobody has read me and understood me as well as you have, i have never been able to talk to anybody like i have been able to talk to you. i spilled all my secrets into your listening ears and you bastard used them against me and i still wish i could take them all away from you - all those things i told you, all the things i said, all the affection i showed you - i want it all back, they're MINE and you made me give them to you by lying and pretending to be somebody you aren't.

i wish you would understand suffering. i wish you would understand what you'Re doing to other people. and i wish you would stop.

Wall · Post by **Wall** » Wed May 25, 2005 2:38 am

I've come to like not having you here. We're much more stable. The little ones miss you, but frankly, given time, they'd come to like it. We're much calmer now, much less stressed.

Perhaps it's me getting used to being me; perhaps it's the lack of chaos that you bring with you. Whatever it is, I like it and I'm not sure I want you to come back. Ever.

Your secretive behavior and endless indulging of your own personal pleasures makes me wary. We have history. I used to think I could trust you, slowly that's dwindled away. I've discovered you're still a sneak, a liar and a thief. I no longer care what you think or what you want. It's obvious that your agenda is all about you, not about us.

I have no plans to separate or divorce you. Not at the moment. That doesn't mean I will play the part of your dutiful wife. You lost that when you lost the remainder of my trust.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Wed May 25, 2005 2:47 am

i think i am broken. can you fix me?

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Wed May 25, 2005 3:21 pm

i miss you. i shouldn't. i should be so angry with you, but i jsut don't have the energy anymore.

i just wanted to feel safe with someone.

--

are you there? i wish i could talk to you, but i guess you're the one person i can never talk to about this. i've got to get a grip on myself. i wish --

--

leave me the fuck alone.

--

mage

PoisonIvy · Post by **PoisonIvy** » Wed May 25, 2005 7:06 pm

i - you hurt me so much and i've told you, and you've offered to talk about it, but we didn't because there isn't anything more that i haven't said already. i wish you would just 'get it' and then tell me the things that i need to hear. that you love you, that you don't care about her, that you don't care that i don't like her because you don't really either, that you want to be with me, that you always want to be with me, that this isn't just temporary

s - you were so much fun on the bus, i was upset with myself for not dating you in high school, i'm glad that you are somewhat happy now, i'm glad that i sat with you and i'm so thankful that you said the things you did - its been too long since i've heard anything like that

m - i hate myself for calling you, i don't really like you - like that, i'm just using you because i'm a bitch and i don't care if i hurt you, i love our conversations though you are so fun to talk to

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Wed May 25, 2005 8:15 pm

my head hurts. my jaw hurts. i feel nauseated. i am tired. i am feeling discouraged. i have too much work. i have not had enough to eat. blah blah blah blah blah

Mindpoison · Post by **Mindpoison** » Wed May 25, 2005 9:55 pm

I'm so much better than you. And I'm so much stronger now than I used to be. I'll never be a victim again. Even though you literally tortured me as a result of it I'm the person I am today. And I like who I am. You have no control over me. I am in control.

BrokenxAngelx · Post by **BrokenxAngelx** » Wed May 25, 2005 10:09 pm

Get out of my face. Leave me alone.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Thu May 26, 2005 1:22 am

it's because i just didn't feel badly enough before. right?

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Thu May 26, 2005 8:01 pm

Well whos fault do you think it was then?

how about yours

NobodyToYou · Post by **NobodyToYou** » Thu May 26, 2005 9:05 pm

I want my T! I miss talking to my T and I really want to email him. But that is unacceptable. I am not in crisis. That is weak and attention seeking and stupid. I don't even have anything to say. This is stupid and should not be posted. I am angry with myself for thinking this, and can't believe I am typing it out. Must make it unreadable. But part of me wants it said. So I will try to please both.

Not_what · Post by **Not_what** » Fri May 27, 2005 3:45 pm

L - about fucking time. how long has it taken you to notice im not around?? I havent been in for over a week, and u know full well why i leave for days. U know it. Why dont you acknowledge it??U could help stop me spiralling out of control but u never do. Why???Please, all im asking is for a hand, or a shoulder to cry on. just some help, you know i can trust you, and im sorry i let you down

Dungeon_Lilly · Post by **Dungeon_Lilly** » Fri May 27, 2005 7:59 pm

Youdrivemefuckingcrazy

And I don't mean that in a good way

Licentia Poetica · Post by **Licentia Poetica** » Sun May 29, 2005 10:04 am

i hate you. I FUCKING hate you leaving me here.

BrokenxAngelx · Post by **BrokenxAngelx** » Sun May 29, 2005 10:13 am

You don't know what it's fucking like, sending me that shit pushed me over the fucking edge. I hate it, I can't get those images out of my head now thanks to you. I fucking hate you.

bus

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