Guilt as an SI-deterrent? *SI* *SU*

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Thu May 12, 2005 3:32 pm

sometimes i really really want to SI, and the reason i don't is that if anyone ever found out i would feel so guilty, partly for having SIed. but mostly because the people likely to find out would react in a "why didn't you come to me? is this something about me?" way and i don't want them to feel guilty for this. even if they are part of the reason i'm upset, SI is my choice of coping mech, and it's never anybody else's fault.

sometiems i feel that way when i feel SU, too. i really want to, but i don't want the people i love to think it's about them, or that there was something they could have done to help or whatever.

on some level, i guess anything tht's keeping me from SI or SU is a good thing, but the problem is it makes me feel even more down than i was before (this is true even when i feel SU) and i don't know where to go with that.

jsut wondering if anyboy else ever gets this.

take care all,
mage

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Thu May 12, 2005 3:47 pm

I don't think guilt is a terribly useful deterrent for most things. But I often fall into the trap of thinking that foreseen guilt or feelings of shame should lead to motivation.

I think it can be a detterent, and can be useful to remember in the short term. To stop from SI-ing right now, but not for quitting overall. Staying away from SI long term, really needs to come from within yourself.

nika · Post by **nika** » Thu May 12, 2005 3:47 pm

I've promised my parents that I will tell them afterwards if I SI and so far (five weeks since I made the promise) it's kept me from SIing many times. Imagining how it would feel to disappoint them, how they would wonder why I couldn't come to them ... so, yes, guilt works. But you're right, it's not ideal.

Not sure I have any answers.

twistddreamr · Post by **twistddreamr** » Thu May 12, 2005 11:51 pm

I know what you mean. I have the same situation with my friends...a lot of the time I really want to just cut but I don't because my friends would be upset with me for not going to them instead. I think it can be a good thing and a bad thing, as you said. The guilt does make things worse sometimes, but try to focus on the fact that you have people that care about you and want to help...at least that's what I try to do. I don't know if that's much help, but I just wanted to say that I'm in the same place right now and I know how you feel.

magebaby · Post by **magebaby** » Fri May 13, 2005 11:29 am

i know it's not the healthiest reason to stop. i did stop SIing for me, but sometimes when i really want to SI or SU, i can't remember why i shouldn't, and that's when the guilt kicks in.

take care all,
mage0

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Sun May 15, 2005 3:59 am

if it were the only reason & remained the only reason... then i'd be a bit unsure... how healthy it was... & etc...
as an added reason when your other reasons become a bit shaky... imo it's a great thing.

eyeris · Post by **eyeris** » Sun May 15, 2005 4:26 am

Hey,
I just wanted to say that I think I know how you feel . . . I sometimes keep myself from SIing because I think about how I told my T the last session that I wouldn't do it before I saw her next time, and it'd disappoint her, etc., so the guilt sometimes stops me from SIing, but sometimes not at all.
As for SU, tremendous feelings of guilt for injuring my parents is the ONLY thing keeping me from SUing . . . I try to convince myself that once I'm dead, I won't have to deal with it, so it doesn't matter what they feel, but I can't get myself to get so selfish to not care, I still feel guilty . . . and this guilt makes me feel more depressed, b/c it's like living in a trap, living MY life only for OTHERS, not for me, not because I like living, not because I'd miss anything, but b/c I'd feel bad for hurting them . . . So yeah, I can relate.
Take care,
-e

bus

Guilt as an SI-deterrent? SI SU

Guilt as an SI-deterrent? SI SU

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