before-a first for me.........

[crazy_k]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
-it wont but I will get the release that I need. I wont hurt so much. the only thing that will change is I will have more scars that I hate.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
-it will bring hiding again and lying. it will take away the pain I'm in for a moment.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
-I just want the pain to stop. I want the hurt and anger to go away forever. farther I know this.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
-it will prob be temp like normal but for that lil while things will be better. I will hide and hurt and be in pain.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
-I'm talking to someone now bout how I feel and doing this but I still want to hurt myself....it wont change it

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
-I will feel better I wont have this hurt or the ball o pain in my chest.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
-I really really want to hurt myself. I want to be rid of this pain and anger. I can write or draw on myself instead of cut. but it wont give me the release I want...............

[Wandering]

If I'm wrong here, please just ignore what I say, but this is how the situation is coming across to me...

I can write or draw on myself instead of cut. but it wont give me the release I want...............

I think this quote sums it up - to some extent I think its hard to suggest anything that will work 100% in this situation, because that particular 'release' you're talking about is probably only obtainable from SI. Any other coping technique isn't going to entirely replace that 'release'. However, if you're ever gonna break free from SI, you'll need to re-educate your body to want a different type of release. Your body has learnt that SI provides a good feeling 'release' (which I think few people would dispute that it does). What you can do, without SI, is create a different type of emotional release. Its just that, to start with, that probably isn't going to feel very fulfilling - your body will need time to learn that it is a good thing rather than SI.

So really you're looking for another way to get out your hurt and anger, so you aren't keeping them inside and letting them get to you. As to how to do that...well, everyone's individual, so I don't know what will work for you, but maybe go look at the lists of coping strategies, and try to find a few that specifically seem focussed on getting your feelings out, rather than techniques that just distract you. Then use them and persist, because they probably won't be hugely effective initially, but (at least I found) that you adjust to using those techniques instead of SI if you keep using them over a period of time.

I don't know if anything I've said makes any sense, but thats along the lines of what I did, and it does work, but it does take time and persistance, and a real struggle until you adapt to using more beneficial coping techniques.

Hope you're ok
Andi