before

[Chessie]

Situation: I'm sick and feeling rather sad and fragile. My sinus infection is getting better, but my sore throat isn't. I'm horrible at taking care of myself and I'm frusterated with that. On top of that I'm feeling very sad and very fragile...I had a rough therapy session last monday...and monday is day after tomorrow (well, considering what time it is, day after today...) and that makes me really anxious....and I just want to be held soooo much and taken care of....

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel numb after hurting myself and have a lack of emotion. I won't feel the need to want to be held and taken care of so strongly.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will complicate the situation. It would make my mother trust me far less. I'd lose a bunch of things I've worked my way towards being being allowed to have. I wouldn't be able to shave my legs for a long time to come, no sharp objects, no staying home alone for brief periods of time...I'd lose a lot

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel safe, healthy, and not so fragile. Depending on who I'm dealing with, depends on if it will get me closer or farther. If I could arrange to spend time with a friend of mine, I know either way she'd make me feel safe and not so fragile....if I wasn't so sick. And my mom would lose it if I SIed....but she won't do anything to help at this point.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It seems like a poor option....it would upset my dynamic with my mother and make me annoyed w/ myself. The relief would only last 10 or 15 minutes...I clearly need to just take my meds and get to bed....

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Take my meds, wait for them to kick in, play the 15 minute game...I think it's going to be the 5 minute game right now, though. By doing this it'll reduce the drama later on, and that change will last for unknown period of time, but it will be fairly lengthy...

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll be so pissed off tomorrow if I SI. If just play the 15 minute game, I'll feel about the same as I do now.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? The 15 minute game will get me through till my bedtime meds kick in, but I really wish I had someone to hold me and help take care of me while I'm sick, still...so problem not solved.

[pretty]

Hey

It sounds like you're in a really tough situation. Being sick is so hard, and for me personally can be a huge trigger.

As for taking care of yourself, it's hard and it takes practice. I recomend hot drinks, whatever food you feel like, maybe a blanket, and a good movie. Try to think about what you find comforting and let yourself have those things.

I hope you got through with the 15/5 minute rule, and feel better after some sleep.