Cutting words *culd be a trigger but not sure, sori if it is

Post by **Poppies** » Fri Nov 19, 2004 6:49 pm

I was really tempted to cut a word a few days ago, but I managed not to do it.... and afterwards I was really glad, as no-one knows about my SI, and it would be very hard to explain! As it is, people think I'm very accident-prone!!

I wondered what I'd do if I was tempted to cut a word again.... and I remembered that some years ago I learnt Pitman Shorthand - different sounds are represented by lines and strokes written on a page. If you're really tempted to cut a word, would it be worth doing it in Shorthand? It might be easier to explain some lines than an obvious word! For example, "bitch" is one line for "b"; one for "t" and another for "ch".... so you'd know what you'd written, but it wouldn't be obvious to other people... (that's the word I wanted to cut the other night)

If you type "shorthand" in the searchbox, it'll bring up a list of sites..... it doesn't matter it you're not fluent in shorthand, but you could still select different 'sounds' to represent words!

I'm not saying that we should cut words, but when the temptation gets too great, it might be a more 'discreet' way of doing it!

Sammy · Post by **Sammy** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 7:01 am

......apparently definately not alone.......i had pain on my thigh, but thankfully it's faded, that was the first word i ever did, and i still wonder why...but then i did anger on my other thigh (which is the one emotion i'm most familiar with so far) and it's still pretty readible, though the A looks weird.........it made me feel calmer with all the anger that i had built up inside.

i hope i don't end up recarving it, seeing as i have a friend who likes to sit on my lap in class sometimes, and it's not exactly fun having somebody sitting on a slightly fresh wound....i was terrified that it would start to bleed again and go through my jeans........not to mention people seeing it....even though i dont wear shorts.....i'm paranoid....

but yeah your not alone, and normal si'ing doesn't work all the time, your right, but i've found that ice works very well...though i don't use it as much as i probably should, it's just hard to get past parents without them going "Why the hell are you carrying an ice cube?"........yeah......
love you, hope you feel better and get past the word carving thing.....*hugs*

sammy

friarygirl · Post by **friarygirl** » Sat Nov 27, 2004 4:17 am

This is probably a really stupid question, but you'll have to excuse me, I'm a fleeting visitor from f/f board.

I know (I think) that when you SI, it's all about the moment and coping with it. So that probably answers my question, because I'm thinking about long-term stuff.

Lots of scars will fade over time. But words - well, they'll also fade, but they are much more distinctive than just lines on your skin. The marks may not be as deep, but they form words which are instantly recognisable to almost everyone.

So - when you cut words, is it still a thing of the moment? Or is it because you want a permanent reminder of a feeling which may eventually pass? Some of you (most, I hope, as a parent who cares) will move on from SI in one way or another. I would assume that then scars will be the problem rather than the immediate SI. Or is it more like a tattoo, freezing the moment for ever?

I'm honestly not being flip or facetious - it's something I'd really like to know - if you in fact think of this in the long term, I suppose.....

i_have_a_secret · Post by **i_have_a_secret** » Sat Nov 27, 2004 9:36 am

awwwww hun sorry i didn't see your post until right now hun. sorry you should have wrote me. lots of hugs babe, i like helping out if you need to talk just PM me k

:
and just to make you feel better

and some flowers for making you feel better

:1flwrs

BsbOwnsYourMom · Post by **BsbOwnsYourMom** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:58 am

ive got fail, nag, unhappy, stupid,sad, alone all over me..theighs, arm, above my pelvic area.it makes me sad to look at them, brings back so many memories

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:13 am

I have it on my arm. I think when I cut words it is because like almost word association where There is more meaning in it then just the word. I have had: FAT, DIE OR RUN, DIE, FAG, B*TCH, 15, UGLY and sum others but it's not important just kno that you aren't alone.

nika · Post by **nika** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:24 am

I have cut letters, not words, because I usually stop before I finish.

it is much harder to say that the rock u fell on is very literate and advanced for an inaminate object

So true.

friarygirl wrote:So - when you cut words, is it still a thing of the moment? Or is it because you want a permanent reminder of a feeling which may eventually pass? Some of you (most, I hope, as a parent who cares) will move on from SI in one way or another. I would assume that then scars will be the problem rather than the immediate SI. Or is it more like a tattoo, freezing the moment for ever?

I'm honestly not being flip or facetious - it's something I'd really like to know - if you in fact think of this in the long term, I suppose.....

For me, all of my SI -- letters or random lines -- is about the moment but also hugely about preservation ... I'm thinking I need to talk to my newly acquired T about why I want so much to peserve the memory of bad things, and why afterwards the marks don't strike me as sad. So, yes, it is about the emotions of the moment, but also in large part about "freezing" that moment forever (or until the marks/scars fade ...).

One thing that I've found very helpful is writing on jeans. I do it with a pen when my jeans are on me, so I get the sensation of something writing "on" me, but it doesn't do damage or leave lasting marks on my body. The jeans have layers and layers of doodles, drawings, words, and messages. They preserve my feelings, but if I don't want others to see what I was going through, I just wear a different pair. It's been very powerful for me.

Catylyx · Post by **Catylyx** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:11 am

wow....this is an old post....i'd forgotten i'd posted in here....it's under my old name though (Sammy)...till my account jacked up and i made this one.....

glad to say that i've stopped cutting words...."ANGER" can still be seen, sadly.....and i've got lines of scars on my legs now.....so i guess in the end it got somehow worse........yeah..........

never alone on bus...there is next to always someone who can relate.

^_^

--Sammy

ComfortablyNumb · Post by **ComfortablyNumb** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 5:20 pm

friarygirl wrote: So - when you cut words, is it still a thing of the moment? Or is it because you want a permanent reminder of a feeling which may eventually pass?

My SI is a thing of the moment. And the words I cut where what at that time I was feeling, what I was upset about.

I cut f*ck up on my left thigh one day after my grades came in the mail and I had failed a class and was not feeling good enough and my parents were not happy with me at that moment. And then, that's what I felt. I have other words written some deeper than others, some faded, some recent, some still very noticeable. Things like f*uck up, and stupid d*yke. And they were always what I was feeling. They were always what I felt I was, I didn't think that I deserved to not feel like that so it, for me was just a daily remainder of what a horrible person I was. Now they are just a daily reminder of how stupid I was, but also how far I have come since then. I don't believe the words anymore, and I know I that what I cut wasn't true, now. I hope they fade someday, becuase I never wanted to make those feelings permanent, but they are now, because even if no one else will be able to see them I still can. I will always be able to see them, and that by far is my biggest regret. I can live with my scars, and even my word scars, but the word scars are the hardest ones, for me at least, to get over.

[/quote]

RG · Post by RG » Thu Apr 28, 2005 11:50 pm

I have never cut words but I have done quite a number of x's on my arms. This is very hard to come up with excuses for if I am not wearing my wristband.

eyeris · Post by **eyeris** » Sun May 01, 2005 5:11 am

I cut 'FAT' into my thigh because I felt overwhelmingly fat and unable to do anything about it -- I struggle with weight issues and ED behaviors. I also burned 'FAT' into my lower stomach, backwards, so that I have to read it when I see myself in a mirror . . . so I don't one day think I'm okay the way I am, I'll always have a reminder to give me a reality check that I'm not thin or pretty, etc. I can't say exactly why I did it, I think the feelings of fatness overwhelmed me, and so that's what ultimately made me put the words on myself. Though I must say, the burning hurt A LOT, and the scars are awful -- I can never wear a swimsuit that shows even a hint of stomach, or even my thighs for that matter -- I'm so ridiculously self-conscious that I gave myself another reason not to have to wear a swimsuit: I have ugly scars that no one knows about. It wasn't about the moment, I planned the stomach one to remind me always of how ugly I am . . . but I don't show my stomach or thighs to anyone anyway, so people seeing is never going to be a risk for me. I don't know how to explain it to anyone who hasn't done it, so I won't bother trying anymore, this is the best I can do . . .
-e

falling... · Post by **falling...** » Sun May 01, 2005 4:00 pm

i have done 'die' several times, 'no' and 'ahhh' it has all been covered by other scars now or has faded, thank god
_________________
Headaches / Migraines Forum

Ra · Post by Ra » Mon May 02, 2005 3:21 am

I cut a lot of words, not going to share them bc i saw a list once and was like, hrm, maybe i'll cut that word

silenceBROKEN · Post by **silenceBROKEN** » Tue May 03, 2005 3:41 am

you're not alone, i've done many many words.

balletomane · Post by **balletomane** » Tue May 03, 2005 3:51 am

I have done words as well. For me, it is much harder to stop once I start doing words.

shadow of a smile · Post by **shadow of a smile** » Tue May 03, 2005 5:07 am

i cut my first word back in february. i'm not going to say what it was tho b/c it's just....too personal i guess. i hate seeing it. i plan to cover it with a tattoo eventually, when i've moved on from SI enough. but thats's another topic...

nika · Post by **nika** » Tue May 10, 2005 5:52 pm

What Ra and Balletomane wrote made a lot of sense to me ... I could see how lists could be triggering (for me at least). And definitely I have this thing in the back of my mind that before I stop SI completely I have to finish a word ...

silenceBROKEN · Post by **silenceBROKEN** » Wed May 11, 2005 1:34 am

right before i stopped injuring, i went through a period of writing words... a new word or vocabulary list every day.. now, when/if i slip, i usually write something.

whore, slut, failure, scarred forever...... and many many more.

kate_ · Post by **kate_** » Thu May 12, 2005 4:35 am

i SI'ed tonight, it was the first time in 26 days or something...and it made me feel a million times better. i've never cut words before, but for whatever reason on one arm i cut 'living' and on the other 'hell'. i don't know why or even how to explain it, but it made me feel more satisfied than if i'd just cut randomly like i usually do. maybe part of it was that after i finished the word, i was done. i didn't need to cut any more, where before i could go on and on for hours.

i hate SI. it sickens me, i hate that i do it. and this probably sounds crazy, but when i looked down at my arms afterwards, i was in a way proud of them. they showed a bit of how i feel on the inside, not only because i had physically harmed myself, but because i had written it out. like someone could read it and be like "oh, i see". yep. crazy i know. but hey i guess thats what happens when you're drunk and alone and popping as many pills as you can find.

good times.

lilmissme · Post by **lilmissme** » Thu May 12, 2005 9:51 am

friarygirl wrote:This is probably a really stupid question, but you'll have to excuse me, I'm a fleeting visitor from f/f board.

I know (I think) that when you SI, it's all about the moment and coping with it. So that probably answers my question, because I'm thinking about long-term stuff.

Lots of scars will fade over time. But words - well, they'll also fade, but they are much more distinctive than just lines on your skin. The marks may not be as deep, but they form words which are instantly recognisable to almost everyone.

So - when you cut words, is it still a thing of the moment? Or is it because you want a permanent reminder of a feeling which may eventually pass? Some of you (most, I hope, as a parent who cares) will move on from SI in one way or another. I would assume that then scars will be the problem rather than the immediate SI. Or is it more like a tattoo, freezing the moment for ever?

I'm honestly not being flip or facetious - it's something I'd really like to know - if you in fact think of this in the long term, I suppose.....

No question is ever stupid

I have cut words before because they explain how I feel, as well as shown how I feel (that's what the act of SI does of me). It's partly a spur of the moment thing, and I am so caught up in wanting to harm that I don't care about what scars I might have. Partly also though, its self sabotage, I think that I deserve the problems having words will cause. Most of my words are lesser cuts than others, but they show up because they form recognisable shapes.

The words I cut are linked to how I'm feeling for example "kind" and "considerate" when my counsellor told me I was both of those things, and i felt uncomfortable with that. Other than that wrote song lyrics that were relevent at that moment "everybody hurts" because I felt selfish for cutting being my coping method and "look at me losing control" because I couldnt ever let on to everyone that I felt totally out of control and pathetic.

Links to a comment my flatmate made when gossip meant everyone found out I SI. She already knew, and when I asked how people responded she said "well Pat was surprised. He said he always thought you were really strong, and happy and stuff". I didnt realise I was doing such a good job!!!

Karen xx

Cutting words *culd be a trigger but not sure, sori if it is

Who is online