Giving away tools

[RG]

Was just wondering if anybody else has had this happen to them, and how do you deal with it.... I disposed of my tools last thursday. There has been alot going on in my life, there was even a suicide last thur at my school, yucky stuff and it's taking a hard toll on me. Needless to say I got rid of my knifes and as soon as I did I had the urge to si more. I did si without my tools because it came to be too much to handle. The crappy thing is that I was doing so well up untill I gave away my tools that I always kept with me.... Anybody have the same problem or suggestions?

[rin]

Hi RG,
It sounds like things have been pretty tough for you... I hope you're doing alright. I can say that I've definltely had trouble after *getting rid of* tools. I don't know if, for me, it was because of the loss of that sort of comforting knowledge that I could do something if it came to that or if it was because the thought of being without tools and therefore not SIing for an extended period of time, freaked me out.

It is definitely hard to remove your (maybe main and easiest) coping mechanism and deal without it, especially when things are hard in your life, like they sound to be in yours... but I think it is definitely a positive thing that you could take the step to get rid of your tools...

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that I maybe understand a bit of what is going on... I hope you're okay and staying safe.

rin.

[marylou]

Hey, I have definitely difficult times, soon ater giving up tools. The first time was the first, but I seem to have a knack for finding new tools so I have to continually hand them over to my friend.
I think for me it was like a panic thing, how would I cope without them?? And to be honest I don't know how I did it. I just focussed on every moment at a time and made it through.
One good thing about giving my tools to a friend was that I could go "visit" my tools anytime. He would bring them to me if asked, and stay in the room to help me keep safe. He would let my cut up paper and plastic bottles and then he'd take the knife back. In the initial panic-I-can't-live-without-my-tools phase that was probably the most helpful thing.

I'm sorry you seem to be having such a yucky time of things, don't beat yourself up about your SH. It's a coping mechanism, and although I'd rather we all didn't do it, we need to not guilt-trip each other.
You made a really brave and incredible. I hope you're even more successful in the future!

[Kali]

Giving away my tools was one of the most difficult things I did. It made me feel physically ill once they were out of my possession. Unfortunately, it made things worse for me. My urges became more frequent and I began finding new and different types of 'tools'. I hope you can find a way to cope without resorting to anything other tool.

Kali

[mallie]

Airbear pretty much said what I thought, about it being comforting in a way to know that SI is 'available' and to have gotten rid of your tools you no longer have that. For a long time I was nervous and a bit agitated if I didn't have my tools with me, even after I knew I wouldn't SI when out, I still had to have them.

I think the best thing to do is work on the feelings. You're having urges to SI, treat it like any other urge. They will fade with time, and after getting used to not having your tools with you, you will be able to get comfortable without them. What kind of coping techniques have helped you with SI urges before ?

[RG]

To this point mallie I have only called a friend or done something physically exerting (ex. going for a 7km run). The only problem is I can't do that at school (in class) and also my friend support has diminished. I was originally mad at the girl who told someone else about my si to come and talk to me. Needless to say I found it stupid to be mad at her she did it for my benifit but shes now not talking to me because I was a "bitch". She also kicked me while I was down and telling me everyone knew my secret and I needed to change my deffinition of hiding. So right now when I am breaking the most I ever have, nobody is there for me. So to loop arround to the original question my coping strategies are to run, talk or sometimes even write very morbid poetry.
don't know what to do anymore....... these urges are making me insane

[ghoulie13]

i used anything for a long time, until i found my favorite.
i gave everything up one day but i kept one. one for me.
it sits here right next to me even now. i see it and i know it can see me.
we have a bond. i do not know if i can get rid of her. she is like my friend.



me...