B4

[bluflame02]

# Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

Im so stressed w/ school...my chem teacher sux ALOT.. and is totally unhelpful and uncaring.. my family doesnt notice me when i NEED them too.. bleh my friend just found out about my si like a coupla days ago and now shes interogating me in a totaly uncaring way... I feel so outta control

# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

Well i guess i been here its just me totally getting overwhelmed.. i didnt deal.

# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I have gone running, tried to talk to my friend about me beign so triggered but she didnt understand and made me feel worse,umm im talkin to my internet friends.. not really helping.. umm maybe go eat someting but im not hungry.. take a cold shower

# How do I feel right now?

Totally out of control, my mind is racing, im all anxious, Im scared of myself because i just wanna do soemthign and im feeling really out of it too

# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

i will feel scared and prlly anxious and prlly start to disasociate.. and get angry that im feeling good about it

# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

i will prlly feel better after,in the morning i will be pissy and crabby prlly

# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

no

# Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes, i dont know what else to do.. ive tried everything and it hasnt worked i just want to give up and do it.

[plantt]

Yes, i dont know what else to do.. ive tried everything and it hasnt worked i just want to give up and do it

everything? i find that hard to believe
when you say 'it hasn't worked' what do you mean exactly?

'need' is an awfully strong word.

my family doesnt notice me when i NEED them too

what can you do to get that? it might be that your family is simply not going to give you that. what other options do you have?

have you talked with your friend about how her questioning you is making you feel?
could you ask another student in your chem class for help?

what could you do to help you deal with the stress in your life?

i'm sorry you're feeling out of control & really really wanting to hurt yourself. it's not a fun place to be

[bluflame02]

I mean ive done everything that has helped me before.... and i cant think of anything else to do that would me..

i mean it hasnt helped because it hasnt taken my mind off si or helped me feel better or just "help" me not wanna si or made me less anxious

I know"need" is an awfully stron word but the feelings of wanting to si are soooo strong i can only describe it as "need"

I hint at my fmaily that i need help... because if i say it outright they freak out and make me go to hospital

i have talked tomy friend and i think sshe cares but she asks things in such insensitive ways... and i tell her and she apologizes but does it again and again and doesnt notice..

my chem teacher is stupid and i cant do anytng to help.. i spend 20-30 hr out fo class w/ some other student to study adn we still are suckin

so just dunno what to do i was doing this as a last resort.. im still trying to not si

[plantt]

i mean it hasnt helped because it hasnt taken my mind off si or helped me feel better or just "help" me not wanna si

sometimes it's a matter of hanging in... & getting through... sometimes there's not going to be a way to get it to be easier or stop thoughts... & it's a matter of coping in a way that is not going to hurt us...

I mean ive done everything that has helped me before....

then start over & do them again
turn music up loud & dance & sing along. wander through a store. walk backwards around the block. read. write. tear up paper into little bitty bits. throw a ball. blow bubbles. do crossword puzzles. play all the games in the game forum. check the list of distractions on the coping board. etcetc.

I hint at my fmaily that i need help... because if i say it outright they freak out and make me go to hospital

maybe practice wording things in such a way that it's very clear what you're asking for... yet also calm enough to not be worrying... maybe practice wording it here... who else could you ask?

and i tell her and she apologizes but does it again and again and doesnt notice..

have you mentioned specifically what it is about her style that's bothersome?

i spend 20-30 hr out fo class w/ some other student to study adn we still are suckin

has the other student tried asking too? or maybe both of you together? are there tutors or something? kids who have already taken the class maybe? it sucks to be stuck with schoolwork & is annoying when the teacher isn't helpful

[bluflame02]

im watchin csi on dvd so i should be ok til its over in like 2 hrs or something.. i have been through so much in the distraction board..

that is another of my big probs wording stuff... i have such prob taalkin about stuff or asking 4 help in general that by the time i do ask 4 it it comes out wrong or wierdly and not like i want it to... i kept saying i would like to spend time w/ them an they ask y.. and i just say because i need to and they get all worried like... so i dunno how to word itthat i want to spend time w/ them cuz they dont belive i would jsut want to spend time w/ them 4 kicks

i told her she needs to not ask about "how"because its triggering to describe and then she gets all kinda shocked and disgusted like.. she just asks y all the time and has to have a definite answer and doesnt understand that i get "triggered" by certain things... and i tell her exactly those things and she goes oh.. and wont do it again that time but will do it again the next time

I study w/ a couple of students for chem and we study from 8am-6-7pm on every tuesday and thursday and spend time w/ the tutors and lab assistants but its hard 4 them to complelty teach us over 4 everything in the class.. and the teacher nows i have problems because i have gone to her and she is totaly uncaring about it.. and it makes me totally uncomfortable in talkin to her.. because she doesnt care that i have a diagnosed problem and have real reasons 4 not payin attention in class and having trouble complelting things..

[plantt]

it doesn't sound like it's really anything to do with a 'diagnosed problem' since other students are having trouble in the class too. i think there's a lot to be said for being treated 'normally' rather than having people treat you differently because of a problem. for one... it's easier to learn to deal with it... when you have to deal with it... a lot easier than it is to learn to deal with something that other people let you avoid.

as for asking 'how' & 'why'... i'd suggest something along the lines of 'describing how seems too close to method trading for me to be comfortable with it & i'm not completely sure of the 'why's yet myself.' or simply 'i don't want to discuss this right now. how's your homework/cat/boyfriend/new shirt/plan for the weekend/etc going?' i'd bet... that after enough times of you consistently not answering... she'll get tired of it & stop.

i have such prob taalkin about stuff or asking 4 help in general that by the time i do ask 4 it it comes out wrong or wierdly and not like i want it to

maybe try asking a bit sooner? when you're feeling more able to get things across how you want? or if they ask why... say that you're bored... or want company... or something...

i have been through so much in the distraction board..

yes... there's a distraction board & a game board & random weirdness... & pages & pages of things to do on each can kill many hours

hope csi is relatively entertaining

[bluflame02]

I know it doesnt have anythign to do w/ a problem i necassarily have...but i have tried to go and talk to her about things i have missed because of appointments or being in ip and such.. and she doesnt care, i try and just ask that i can make up what i have missed. That is all i wanted because i hate being that person that asks for all sorts of extra help.. i hate askin 4 any type of help at al actually so it was hard to ask and then get shot down..

Those are good idears to say to her.. thankies i have started to use them already

My parents are stupid i guess... they dont really like to hang out w/ me so when i ask to hang out w/ them it suprises and slightly annoys them cuz they dont wanna hang out w/ me so bleh...i shall try those being bored and such ideas tho another time..

yes and csi is doing ok to distract at the moment. I also talked to my friend i have a "crush" on and she is coming over so i should prlly be ok for tonight

but thankies 4 responding cuz it my first time postin in here and i was a lil apprehensive about it

[plantt]

*nods* asking for things that we find really difficult to ask for... & getting a negative reply does hurt. a lot. sucks that not everyone in life has learned to be nice & validating & helpful

glad your friend's going to come over hope that helps