Things Left Unsaid *LA*

tips on how to cope: dealing with your feelings, dealing with the consequences of self-harm in your life. share your ideas and maybe pick up some new skills, too. you don't have to want to stop to learn something new here.

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44_false_starts
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Post by 44_false_starts » Thu Apr 14, 2005 10:48 am

Kate - Please talk to me and let me know how you are feeling, about me, about Greg, about Richard, it's ripping me apart and we both really need each other at the moment... or at least I need you. Or at least tell me you don't need me anymore.

Suzie - I know your life is so full and busy at the moment and although i really am trepedatious about coming to you, I am so glad you are there.

Ryan - Thank you so much for sticking by me, through all that I am.

Matt - If you are sick of my shit, just say so! don't try and be nice about it. If you don't want to know, it's that simple.

Mum - If you want to know how I am, don't just ask me and then talk about yourself. Or are you scared I might actually tell you?

Long - you are such a lovely, lovely boy.
you ask me if the ringing in your ears could be the sound of thought...

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bright.eyes
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Post by bright.eyes » Thu Apr 14, 2005 8:22 pm

i am so FUCKING angry at you that i can't even look at you or talk to u cos i know if i do i will just start ranting and not be able to stop. how DARE you treat your friends like this. just cos uve got ur stupid boyfriend how come we're suddenly second to him? not even second but just like nothing in comparison, we're just not important to u, don't even matter to u anymore. just cos hes the most important thing does NOT mean u can just adandon us like this, its not fucking fair. especially ur friends who u dont c nemore, how do u think they feel that u cant even make the fucking effort 2 fucking see them, even tho u swore u would always be friends and all that shit???????? and wot makes it worse is that i fucking warned u u had to make time wiv 4 ur friends cos ppl were gettin upset and u jst ignore me. well ive tried and i wont try again, i wont even bother wiv u if ur gonna treat us like this.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:55 am

I;m sorry. I'm sorry I'm shallow. I'm sorry I'm mean. I'm sorry I judged you. I'm sorry I tried to hurt you. I'm sorry I dump my problems on you.
You are an amazing person. I hope to know you better in the future, and I am lucky to have ever met you. Please forgive me and give me a second chance.

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Dina
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Post by Dina » Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:06 pm

I'm so scared and weak now and I need you...

but staying silent...

staying scared and shiver.

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NobodyToYou
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Post by NobodyToYou » Fri Apr 15, 2005 11:01 pm

You hurt me! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal. I will probably tell you it wasn't a big deal. I know it shouldn't really matter.
But it does.
I trusted you, and you let me down.
I needed you, and you weren't there. Why weren't you there? Do you even care?
How can I face you and pretend that it was ok and it didn't bother me?
I HURT!

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Sat Apr 16, 2005 7:18 pm

i am lonely and hurt. i need you right now. i need just to talk. i need to be reassured. i need for you to notice. i need for you to care.

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Wall
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Post by Wall » Sun Apr 17, 2005 12:19 am

Now that you've made your decision, I get to make one, too. Here's mine: to hell with you. Years ago, we decided to live with each other's quirks. Nope, I'm not perfect. Neither are you, you bastard. You want a loving wife? Better plan on finding another after I'm gone. To hell with your wants for life. I DON'T care. I'll co-exist with you -- for a while -- but, don't plan on me pretending that we're a loving couple. You suck.
Fearless warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end
And we are caught in the middle


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Harlequin_Tears
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Post by Harlequin_Tears » Sun Apr 17, 2005 6:11 am

I've asked you time and time again...just reply to me. Just a simple "hi" or "i love you" just to acknowledge me. Do you do this simple task for me? No, instead you do it for someone else. Everytime I see those comments from you it drives a knife further into my heart. I've told you how much it hurts me and yet you still do nothing.
"And if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was the possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done."
~The X-Files
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amyfairy
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Post by amyfairy » Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:08 pm

i can't believe you put my through that.
i threw up with worry.
i'd do anything for you.

and then
i want to do it so much.
you have no idea.
i want to od.
only i can't.
as you got there first.
how can i copy your behaviour? it's like the boy that cried wolf....

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:39 pm

i want to be there for you, to be able to help you. you've gone through so much shit that you don't deserve. but i don't know what to do, what to say. it is a little too much for me right now. i know it is your life. that you can't say enough is enough and forget about it. and for that, i am infinitely sorry.

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Sun Apr 17, 2005 9:30 pm

i need you right now. i need you to just be there. i need you to sit with me and make me feel not so alone. i need just to talk. i need you to notice. i need you to help. i need you to just know. to just know what i am feeling. to just know that i need you. i can't ask. i can never ask again.

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:48 pm

JUST TALK TO ME.

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Forget Me
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Post by Forget Me » Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:49 am

Lauren - i know you are my best friend, and you really are, but you could stop being so bitchy sometimes!!! you have a boyfriend! you dont need to keep stealing mine!!!

ben - stop being such a cock! no-one cares about how lovely and virtuous you are! and i do NOT repeat DO NOT want you!!!!!!!

ceridwen - you are the greatest sister ever and i love you so much!

alice - you changed and now your friends dont like you any more. it is not my fault that you changed. nor is it my fault that you went off with other people and left me alone. i never hated you. and for fucks sake, i KNOW that saying i hated you would not impress Ed!!!! i am not that stupid. you made me feel crap and you dont have the right to do that, no-one does. you can't blame your problems on me.

dad - you didnt have to forget what being a father is. i'm sorry i was so trying, but you are my dad and you dont even know me.

liam - thank you for making me laugh when nothing else could.

stacey - thank you for loving me when i was convinced no-one did.

everyone - sorry for being so whiney....

james - i hate you. i wish you would die. i hate the way you look at me. i hate the way you talk to me. i hate what you did to me, because that shouldn't happen to anyone.

mum - i wish you wouldn't get drunk and stoned enough to forget things i told you, important things. i wish you wouldn't bring random guys home and have sex with them, and if you must, i wish you wouldn't tell me about them. they are part of your life, not mine, and i am your daughter, not your confidante.

bus - thank you so much for being here for me to listen to and talk to!!!
love you all
Lauz
<center>
<b>FISHY! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?!</b>
~"What could I say to you that would be of value, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find."~
:o :o :o
Another Lonely Day
~~Laura~~
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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Mon Apr 18, 2005 1:12 am

please?

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Skyeler
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Post by Skyeler » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:56 am

Ash

I'm sorry I never told you about all this stuff until tonight, I' msorry you had to see me freak out to find out. I'm sorry it makes you hate someone because you're an amazing person and you shoudln't have to deal with hate.

I wish you could have been there too, to save me, but the truth is that if you had been there we probably wouldn't have known each other anyways. You love me now and that's all that matters.
Last edited by Skyeler on Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:07 am, edited 1 time in total.


Most of the time I feel like I don't belong.
But I got my new favorite record today.
My favorites change every single day.
Except you,
You'll always be number one.
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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:04 am

fuck you then. i've tried so hard not to care. i've tried so hard not to be hurt. but it's not working. i can't believe anything you say again.

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RG
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Post by RG » Mon Apr 18, 2005 5:43 am

Fuck everyone
C- I know your trying to help but leave me alone. You have enough people leaning on you right now to even cope with. So triying to help me when your broken doesn't help. Stop telling me I am lying and say your upset (because I lied to you) after I am telling you I am ok even if it is a lie. I am trying to let you go....

J- I am screaming for help but my cries land on deaf ears. I just want someone that can listen and give me a hug even though I am not that kind of a person normally. I know this scares you and you don't know how to cope but what you have done to this point is the worse thing of all

C- DON"T TELL mom and dad i cut and tell me to stop. It's not that easy to quit and telling them will only make things worse they may follow through on their threats. ALSO don't go checking my arms everyday to see what I have done I just want them to go away myself so don't bring up the subject.

M- I have tried so hard to stop the arguments between the both of us but every time we argue it's my fuck up. It's always my fuck up. Go screw yourself. You wonder why I don't like to come home or am soooo excited to get to an out of town university.

Mrs. K- Every hint I have dropped has been ignored or gone unoticed. Weren't you trained to see these things and call me in to talk about them? I know I kind of look up to you for reasons I don't know why. SO your killing me here....

D- Why are you such a FUCK HEAD!!! Yes i did go out with you and yes I did break it off kindly, but there is no reason to treat me this way I didn't do anything to deserve it. SO go screw your bashing my by bringing up my past, telling me the pot calling the kettle black. Telling people just to smile and nod GO FUCK YOURSELF!

J- You intentionally cheated on me and sent me spirally down the shit hole. No safety lines just a cold hard thump at the end. I don't know why you did it why you couldn't just tell me. Fuck you

N- Go screw yourself, a boy will never come between us my ass. Look at what mental torture you put me through. You thought your constant insults wouldn't do any harm, maybe I just refused to show them and accept defeat.

T- Your a great guy but stop messing with me. Telling me things to compliment you or say things that are not necissairy in efforts to stop you from trying to kill yourself. I luv ya to bits but stop screwing with my allready messed up mind

FINAL NOTE for all of you who i didn't write down (nobody on bus) I am to tired to keep on yelling at you all because your not worth my time and I have allready spent my tears to this point.

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amyfairy
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Post by amyfairy » Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:24 pm

i am not seen.
i am not heard.
i have isolated myself.
i am withdrawn.

i am not myself, and i don't fucking care.
f-i'm sorry. i know you are trying to help. i'm just so mad! at everything. i appreciate it so much though. you make me feel cared about you. you make me feel that my problems do exist. that is good, i need that. thankyou.

j-i appreciate the efforts you are making but you simply don't understand. oh, and why do i have to be more subtle in my si'ing? fool. i know my arms are a scarred mess but c'est la vie, get over it. i have.

i hate myself,
really i do. i want to die.

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:00 pm

nevermind. not that you ever did.

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balletomane
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Post by balletomane » Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:15 pm

Said to each member of my lovely Latin class in turn:

You two faced fucker. May your gaze always be lowered in shame as mine has been. May you always be isolated from those you are around. May people smile to your face and talk about camaraderie while throwing you to the lions. May your venomous group reunite in hell.

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