*xbeforex*

[xanemicroyaltyx]

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
because i'm feeling mixed up, irritable, stressy and ick at the moment and it feels like it's what will make all of these things go away

What has brought me to this point?
- the police stuff
- people trying to suffocate me
- spending too much time *asleep* *on my own* and *not talking when i need to*
- not seeing my T for a week today
- feeling slightly alone with everything
- missing the security of college
- the prospect of failing AS history if i don't do something about it sharpish

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes, but admittedly this time i don't feel so panicky, out of control or anxious. i text sydney or andrea, i talk to my friends, i call people, i listen to loud music, i eat nice food, i go out, i tidy and/or i meditate. if i can distract myself then i generally feel more in control.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? -
- i have talked to beth on msn
- i have listened to nice music
- i have posted on here

- i can call the cfcs and ask for an appointment with the duty psych.
- i can call a friend
- i can make hot chocolate
- i can sleep [last resort]

How do I feel right now?

- full of cold
- numbness
- brief scaredness
- irritable
- pain [in my back ]
- confidence
- not-being-able-to-talk-easily-about-things ness

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
- at ease
- in control
- relieved
- sad

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
- sore
- in control
- happy
- sad

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
once all of the police related things ease up, it will be easier

Do I need to hurt myself?
i don't 'need' to. not right now. there's a part of emma that wants to. but it's not necessarily the answer.

[plantt]

spending too much time *asleep* *on my own* and *not talking when i need to*
- the prospect of failing AS history if i don't do something about it sharpish
--these sound like things that you can *do* something about... or at least plan to do something about. sometimes that's a good thing. to have problematic situations that you can actively do things to correct.

- not seeing my T for a week today
- feeling slightly alone with everything
- missing the security of college
--sounds like you're feeling there's a lack/loss of support right now. loss of stability in the things around you. can be tough to deal with. i'm wondering if working to change the 'on my own' & 'not talking when i need to' bits would also help you feel not quite so alone with everything...

once all of the police related things ease up, it will be easier
--can you remind yourself of this... that hurting yourself isn't going to change that situation & that eventally it will ease up...

there's a part of emma that wants to. but it's not necessarily the answer.
--*nods* wanting to do something is much different from needing to.
it's tough. hang in there

[pretty]

Hey

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, but that it'll be getting easier soon. Could you just try to do some nice things to distract yourself until things do get easier? I like your suggestions of listening to loud music, eating, tidying, meditating. Those can all really help.

this time i don't feel so panicky, out of control or anxious.

That's positive. You can get through this.