Keep everything inside and dont talk. Want to stop, but how

[bubblefun]

I have a problem with not talking to other people. I have been hurt by so many of my friends and have lost many of them because I SI that I have a hard time trusting people. When I am sad, upset or whatever I dont talk. I am almost mute. I dont like to talk to other people about how I am feeling. I noticed that when I do that I tend to cut worse and I get really depressed and have strong urges for SU. I want to be able to open up to some people, but I am afraid of them ditching me and then me getting hurt again. I know that keeping my emotions in is not healthy and I want to stop doing that. Does anyone have an ideas on how to open up? If so I would love to hear about them. Thanks. *Amanda*

[nirvana]

helloo. i can completely relate to what you said. i don't talk to anyone, and i definately shut down when i'm upset. but i've found some ways to cope with it.

if you're not ready to open up to a person, you could try writing down what happened, and more importantly, how it made you feel. what you do with that is up to you. sometimes i throw mine away, but if i'm feeling brave, then i give it as a letter to a friend who i know cares about me. if i don't want them to react a certain way, i tell them in the letter. being direct about what hurts you can help prevent it from happening.

i use bus a lot to write down how i'm feeling. mostly in my place, or if i don't want anyone to read it, i use the "things left unsaid" threads in the coping forum.

you can also find a friend to call up when you're feeling upset. if you live close to someone, plan backup things to distract yourself. if you don't feel like talking, it can help to physically be with someone and get your mind off things. and if you do eventually feel like opening up, that person is there for you.

also remember that most people do not intentionally want to hurt you. if they're reacting badly to your si, they probably don't understand it. give them some information, and reassure them that you're doing this as a way to cope. if someone does intentionally want to hurt you, then that is their fault for being close minded and stupid, and you deserve better friends than them.

i'm always here if you want to talk. i hope you find something that works for you.
love, tara.

[fire.bird]

if you're not ready to open up to a person, you could try writing down what happened, and more importantly, how it made you feel

this is exactly what i was going to say. writing can be a truly expressive, and much less potentially vulnerable, way to get your feelings out of you. i don't know what i would have done without it.

i think it's great that you've noticed the connection between not expressing how you feel and your SI. do you write, or play an instrument, or anything like that? writing worked best for me, but playing piano was a close second. i think pretty much all creative outlets can be really cathartic.


~b

[bubblefun]

Thanks for all that replied. I do write in a journal, but it is hard to do because everything that I have ever written to someone whether it was a letter or in a journal or that someone wrote to me has been read through. My sister read everything that I have written to myself or that someone has written to me so I dont write as much. I played the trumpet for 8 years, but as soon as high school was over I havent played since. Anyways thanks for all the advice. *amanda*

[NobodyToYou]

This might be slightly off topic, but I find it has been useful for being able to write things without having others read them. If you use Microsoft Word on your computer, there is a way to set a password on a document, so that you can only open it if you know the password. I can't remember how at the moment, but you can look it up in the "help" section under password...it wasn't too hard to figure out, cause I have done it. That way as long as you can remember your password and your sis can't guess it, your stuff is safe. For some people typing isn't as good as writing it out, but I like it better.
Hope you are doing well.

[mallie]

This might be slightly off topic, but I find it has been useful for being able to write things without having others read them. If you use Microsoft Word on your computer, there is a way to set a password on a document, so that you can only open it if you know the password. I can't remember how at the moment, but you can look it up in the "help" section under password...it wasn't too hard to figure out, cause I have done it. That way as long as you can remember your password and your sis can't guess it, your stuff is safe. For some people typing isn't as good as writing it out, but I like it better.
Hope you are doing well.

This is a good idea, and pretty easy to do.

When you save the file, go File -> Save As, then click Tools -> General Options, and you can set a password.

[Wandering]

Or if you don't have Word, or aren't very good at stream-of-consciousness-onto-computer writing like me (I can write loads on paper but can't type it!) then maybe burn/flush/eat or somehow else destroy the writing the next morning.

Also, if you like doing art (you don't have to be good at it) I find that can be quite releasing and expressive.

Take care
Andi x