Is this really strange? *SI*

Something Else · Post by **Something Else** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:09 am

I've been having a really hard time not SI-ing. I know I'd feel better if I did it, my body feels funny, it really wants it, my skin is begging to be cut. There's no doubt, I would feel better. I wouldn't really feel guilty, just a bit disappointed, because I could have tried harder, and worried that I'm letting SI control me. But it's been really tough tonight, shuddering, tense.

On a whim, I did an image search for self injury. Found some sites with photos. Looking at them really calmed me a lot. Not totally, but it's taken the edge off. I know that stuff can be really triggery to a lot of people. If I wasn't already so bad off, and it came as a surprise, I'm sure it would trigger me too. But as it is, seeing photo after photo of what I'd like to do to myself, was really soothing. I could imagine the release that would give me, and the visual images brought some of that release. I'm a lot calmer now.

Is this really strange? It's one of the most powerful things I've found so far in fighting the intense urge to SI. I don't know if the effect will wear off. It's probably a classically conditioned response, and will go through extinction or something. Has anyone else tried this, and had it work? I've never heard of this before.

(Note that because of the potential for triggering, I'm not recommending this to others. I'm just saying that for whatever reason, it helped me).

Ray

lilmissme · Post by **lilmissme** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 2:31 pm

Hiya,
Just to say similar works for me too. I have looked at pictures before of injuries worse than what I tend to inflict, and it had a kind of "yuck" reaction, as if that was the horrible reality of SI. I didn't want injuries like those in the photos, so I didn't injury. I can't really explain, but looking at the photos kind of shocked, but smotthed and numbed me at the same time, and it helped the urge to SI.

I agree though, if I came across an image at random, it probably would be triggering.

Karen xx

Tamrick · Post by **Tamrick** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:01 pm

It didn't work too well for me. I got the initial reaction of not wanting to do that, but later when I thought about it, I wanted to copy what I'd seen and some of it I did copy.

Different things work for differnet people though. Please be careful though.

Tamrick

__prettyxlikexdrugs · Post by **__prettyxlikexdrugs** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:11 pm

I don't think it's weird to do stuff like that.. I know people who do it all the time . Personally, it doesn't help me at all, but any other coping method must be better than SI, right?
<333

LT · Post by LT » Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:59 pm

I've looked at images and it has worked for me, to reduce the need to SI but then again sometimes its added to it.

VowsOfSadness · Post by **VowsOfSadness** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 9:03 pm

not so stange, because i do the same thing somtimes to give me a little scare.

Something Else · Post by **Something Else** » Mon Feb 28, 2005 10:19 pm

The thing is, it doesn't scare me. I'm not saying to myself, "Oh, damn, I don't want that to be me!" It works because that is what I want. It's kinda like living vicariously. If I can't SI, seeing images helps me feel some of the satisfaction as if it was me. It only really works if I'm *already* really obsessing over it, so there's no real chance that it'll make me want it more than I already do. But if I'm at that point, it sort of substitutes.

Ray

bonita_05 · Post by **bonita_05** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:19 am

you're strange

jk well okay so we're all strange and normal is a setting on a washing machine!!

i like to look at si pictures too whenever i feel triggered... so nope ur not alone, and i think that's why they are there...

love,
ELlen

J_R · Post by **J_R** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:57 am

Not so strange. I've done similar. I used to have a small box of polaroids of my own injuries that I'd go through when I was feeling urgy. It helped a little.

Proximity · Post by **Proximity** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:15 am

I think I understand what you're talking about.
It's something I did a couple times .. some was morbid curriosity, "what does it look like when others do it?" sort of thing, and .. yeah. I found it calming, also. I don't know why ...
The best analogy I can think of is a bit ...

*
*
*
*sex
*
*
*
if you're really horny, and you watch/read/look at porn/smut/erotica .. sometimes it's the worst thing you could do, sometimes it sort of numbs things a bit. like .. "I don't reeeeeally need sex..." or something. hard to explain.

*
*
*
*end trig.

I wouldn't reccomend that anyone goes and does it, because the overwhelming reaction that I find from most people to seeing those things is to find it very triggering, but I have personally had the effect you're talking about, and I know that it works that way for some of us...
so .. hey, if you did it, you did it, but at least it had a positive effect, not a negative one!

prox.

[bjork]

Suze · Post by **Suze** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 5:00 pm

I found that looking at really bad SI takes my urge away - really bad SI scares me, and I'm so scared of ending up like that that I resist a lot harder! I feel like I've got to stop SIing before I get to a really severe stage - it'd be a lot harder to stop then.

And recently I had a thing where I wanted scars - I looked at pics of some really bad, REALLY ugly SI scars and now am using vit E on all my SI to try and prevent scarring, and trying not to cut so deep! I do not want scars after seeing how horrific they can be! Looking at less severe SI triggers me, though.

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:54 am

i feel the exact opposite, i always want to SI, but my body tells me not to, like i'm not in a physical mood for it, you know? i suppose that's a coping mech. for me lol

fieldmouse · Post by **fieldmouse** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:38 pm

i think it can be desireable in some circumstances to confront urges instead of trying to repress them. Looking at photos is a way of doing that, and it's good that it's an external thing also. It can be better than trying to run everything over in your head, which can in the end frustrate you to the point that you opt for the putative poetry of SI.

Priceless · Post by **Priceless** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:56 pm

I look at them too, it can calm me down, bring me to a point where i dont si, im gonna make my own pics, to scare me away. Because i dont really wanna si.

mallie · Post by **mallie** » Fri Apr 08, 2005 6:46 pm

Priceless wrote:I look at them too, it can calm me down, bring me to a point where i dont si, im gonna make my own pics, to scare me away. Because i dont really wanna si.

How would you make your own pics ? As in photos of your SI ?

I'd advise against it, because it means you need to have damaged yourself to create the deterrent. Whilst I understand that looking at such things can be useful at times, making your own as a protective measure doesn't seem like the best way to manage. What other ways could you find to convince yourself that SI isn't the best option ?

bus

Is this really strange? SI

Is this really strange? SI

strange cookies :)

Who is online