coping??? not hardly strong spoilers for si su laungue

[dogsrbest]

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thurs was a very bad day following a very bad week a very bad month!
i have a runing argument with my t. about other psyche services i don't feel i need and very strongly will not accept. these fuckers jerked me around for something like 15 years. and my t. thinks my attitude sucks! we have this same conversation at least once every 2 months or so. i have tried and tried to explain listed all the reasons and now the idiot says * sorry guess i should have asked for clarefaction* well duh i thought we were both pretty clear man i dont think a damn person in the world hears one thing i say. maybe i dont talk right. maybe they all need to get their heads out they ass an take a breath of fresh air! it just pisses me off and all last month the only 2 things i could think was either off myself or just totaly shutdown stop talking to anyone lock myself in my house and tell em basicly go fuck yerselves. its not just problems with my t seems like everything in life is unraveling. and i feel like a pressure cooker about 2 seconds away from imploding...i know pressure cooker EXplode but.. i am trying hard not to EX plode all over the place because i dont think i could stop it. so thursday was the very last straw...and i grabbed a knife and cut my arm...kinda badly...worse than usual for me. and i stood in the bathroom crying from anger not pain... wishing i was dead...it took me a long time to get back a sembalance of control. ever since thurs i have pretty much stayed in my house only answering my phone for a select few family or friends. i feel like shit. i dont want to talk anymore to my t or anyone really. but today i felt better and i went out for a short walk...im still trying to decide if i want to continue with my t or just drop out for now...maybe the stress of dealing with bad memories on top of the seriously bad things going down in my life right now is just too much...i dont want to feel so angry anymore...i dont want to be always afraid...always lonely and i really dont want to be hateful all the time. how do i handle the stress from all these differant places without losing whats left of my mind? im not serious about offing myself because i know on my heart i dont really want to die what i really want for the pain to stop to feel like someone is inded listening and understands and just going through the motions. i thank god for my computer, it gives me somewhere to go and get away from the noise

[mallie]

Hey.

I can hear how frustrated you are. Its really difficult when it feels like no one is listening, or that they aren't really hearing what you're saying.

Isolating yourself won't help things get better, no matter how tempting it is to cut your friends and your T off.

Can you think of any ways to get your T to hear what you're meaning ? Sometimes therapy sessions can be really difficult, to get the right words out and to make them understood. Sometimes writing things out can be useful, giving you time to make sure your meaning comes across.

how do i handle the stress from all these differant places without losing whats left of my mind?

I wish I knew the answer to this one! A good place to start though, might be to try and narrow sown what is causing you stress. When its just everything, its hard to get a grasp on it and try and change things. Once you identify things more specifically, it can be easier to find solutions to some of them at least.

[dogsrbest]

hi mallie tnx. its a bunch of stressers like stuff with my family and past stuff about ex and just everyday stuff and the stuff with my t all in one very short few hrs. and repeat a couple differnt days, except for the argument with my t...thank god! im also having some health problems i am very concered about and doc seem to laid back. sometimes having a diagnosis og mental illness gives health care providers the idea that you are not truely ill just 'nuts' oh well

[plantt]

about other psyche services i don't feel i need

don't feel you need... or don't want to accept? from the rest of your post it sounds like things aren't going as you'd like them to. if other help is available why not try it... again? would they be the same exact individuals you've dealt with before?

sometimes doctors & t's & etc... can seem more laidback because the person they're dealing with is upset...
it's the same idea kinda as using a quieter voice when you're dealing with someone yelling... to get the situation a bit 'off-balance'... to give a different more calm perspective.
also it'd not be too comforting if a doctor was getting all upset rather than being a bit more professional. not saying doctors never get upset or are uncaring... but there's something to be said for being a bit more calm & laidback as well...

[mallie]

It can be hard when you feel you're not being taken seriously. It mightn't be easy, but could you mention this to your doctor ? Just in a "I am very worried about X, and I don't feel that you understand my concerns".

its a bunch of stressers like stuff with my family and past stuff about ex and just everyday stuff and the stuff with my t all in one very short few hrs.

Maybe next time things get overwhelming, look at what specifically is going on. stuff with family, is a stressor, and is valid, but its isn't specific enough to work on. What is the problem with family that is affecting you. The more specific you can identify things, the easier it will be to work on a strategy to overcome it. Sometimes just realising the pattern can make a difference.

[dogsrbest]

about other psyche services i don't feel i need

don't feel you need... or don't want to accept? from the rest of your post it sounds like things aren't going as you'd like them to. if other help is available why not try it... again? would they be the same exact individuals you've dealt with before?

no, she is pushing groups on me even though i am severely hearing impaired and the groups are run by and populated with hearies. and getting an interp is next to impos for a situation like that because the hearies feel threatened by a non pt being in thier group. and with case management which i dont need because i have an advocate from an agency that is non psyche related tho they work with psyche pt with physical disabilities as well. i had a serious problem a few yrs ago with breach of privacy in my community so iam very wary of the entire mental health professionsal around here especially. and having lived in one group home that stressed me out so much i dont remember 90% of my months of living there. so i dont think it would be any different now because i am the one who cannot live with other people and quite happy being alone

sometimes doctors & t's & etc... can seem more laidback because the person they're dealing with is upset...
it's the same idea kinda as using a quieter voice when you're dealing with someone yelling... to get the situation a bit 'off-balance'... to give a different more calm perspective.
also it'd not be too comforting if a doctor was getting all upset rather than being a bit more professional. not saying doctors never get upset or are uncaring... but there's something to be said for being a bit more calm & laidback as well...

[dogsrbest]

hey mallie, i cant always be spacific because there are a lot of gaps in my memorie and ......i dont why im writing this or what i was trying to say sorry

[mallie]

It is hard to always be specific, and sometimes its not possible, but it is worth trying when you can manage it.

For instance, in your reply to Plantt, you managed to say a lot more about what your problem was than in the first post. Although I don't have any spectacular ideas on dealing with that (it sounds terribly frustrating for you), by pinpointing what the issues are, its easier to look at what can be done.

Keep thinking, and keep working on things. You're doing well