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Kasie · Post by **Kasie** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 3:43 am

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

The situation won't change... The feeling will hopefully be buried under physical pain.

2. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

Hurting myself bring more feelings of guilt and shame to the situation. It will take away, hopefully, suicidal feelings, and replace them with feelings of just wanting to curl up and cry.

3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

In the long run I want to feel that I got through this period 'healthy'... Hurting myself will not get me closer to feeling this... However I also don't want to ignore problems that then only get bigger in my head. Hurting myself often forces me to consider that there are bigger issues out there than the ones that I'm getting all upset over in the first place.

4. if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

The relief it brings could last anywhere from 5 mins to 5 weeks. After that, hopefully relief will come in the thoughts that I am doing the best I can...

5. what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

Distract!!! It won't change the situation, but maybe my thoughts about the situation will change during the time that I'm distracted...

6. how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I'll feel disappointed in myself, but having si'd will be a bigger deal than the situation that is pissing me off right now... vs... I'll either have a better day, or the feelings from today will overlap, and I'll feel worse.

7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to cry, and be held, and be told that my insecurities are just that... that people aren't really ignoring me, that they are just busy with other stuff; that my thoughts and opinions DO matter; that people DO know that I'm trying my best... that I WOULDN'T be better off not breathing...

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 4:02 am

I really want to cry, and be held, and be told that my insecurities are just that... that people aren't really ignoring me, that they are just busy with other stuff; that my thoughts and opinions DO matter; that people DO know that I'm trying my best... that I WOULDN'T be better off not breathing

crying is alright...
& i agree with what you say. your thoughts & opinions do matter. you wouldn't be better off not breathing. you know you're doing your best regardless of what anyone else thinks. people do get busy with other stuff.

it sounds like you already know this stuff... you're just wanting reassurance from others... & others irl are busy right now...
would it help to post that on main & get reassurance online?

would it help to find a favorite blanket or stuffed animal & hold it?

Hurting myself often forces me to consider that there are bigger issues out there than the ones that I'm getting all upset over in the first place

how does hurting yourself accomplish that? how could you accomplish that same thing without hurting yourself?

Distract!!! It won't change the situation, but maybe my thoughts about the situation will change during the time that I'm distracted...

*nods* sometimes distracting is a really effective thing to do. it doesn't change the situation... it can help you to get through a situation safely though.
you say that hurting yourself will take away the suicidal feelings... distracting could get you through those feelings...

it sounds like you want to get through this healthfully yet it's hard. i believe you can do this.

what are some ways you could use to distract yourself right now?

Kasie · Post by **Kasie** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:28 pm

Just an update... I'm in a better place now, I managed to hold on and not SI yay for me...

Thanks for your reply Plantt... it was one of the things that helped me through... I really appreciate it

Just fyi... I don't post on the main board when I need it, because I hardly ever get replies when I NEED them...

So instead of being disappointed, I usually just do something else... I know it's nothing personal... some of my 'normal' posts have had heaps of replies

When I feel down, I tend to see the glass as half empty... as in instead of 'oh my goodness, five people here care about what I wrote' I tend to see 'bummer, I got five replies, but two of those didn't say much, and this other person got ## replies to their post' yadda yadda like it's some competition or something... I know it's a problem with the way I think, and I work on thinking more positively about things, but when you're really down it's harder... So until I get over myself.....

God, that last paragraph was one of the hardest things I've ever had to admit to...

But I'm sorta glad I did...

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 8:39 pm

i'm glad it was helpful for you & that you made it through. good for you!

*nods* i've felt that way about posting before as well... sometimes it seems that the times i really am wanting replies... they just don't happen. or when i'm looking for a certain type reply then just get 'hugs' or something. even though i realize there are several reasons that can happen... it's hard.

neassa · Post by **neassa** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:24 pm

Kasie wrote:
Just fyi... I don't post on the main board when I need it, because I hardly ever get replies when I NEED them... So instead of being disappointed, I usually just do something else... I know it's nothing personal... some of my 'normal' posts have had heaps of replies When I feel down, I tend to see the glass as half empty... as in instead of 'oh my goodness, five people here care about what I wrote' I tend to see 'bummer, I got five replies, but two of those didn't say much, and this other person got ## replies to their post' yadda yadda like it's some competition or something... I know it's a problem with the way I think, and I work on thinking more positively about things, but when you're really down it's harder... So until I get over myself.....

hope u don't mind me replyin but sometimes i feel exactly the same. sometimes it feels like no-one cares, like there's no-one there for me.

glad ur in a better place now.

luv and hugs
ash
xxx

Kasie · Post by **Kasie** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 4:36 am

Thanks guys for sharing...

I feel much less guilty about the way I feel sometimes, knowing that others sometimes feel the same

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