avoid issues 2 avoid SI??

[DJ_CJ]

What do you think that avoiding troublesome thoughts/issues as a way to avoid SI?

I’ve been trying it lately and I feel like I’m putting off stuff that should be dealt with.

Am I just prolonging the inevitable?

[Licentia Poetica]

Hmm, you're not really specific in your post.

But, I'd have to say that yes, suppressing emotions and issues that do bother you is generally going to impact on you badly even though it stops you from SIing in the moment.

That goes for generally larger issues. But something smaller, and individual for example, getting a bad result in an exam.... isn't probably as bad, seeing as though by forgetting about it for a while you manage to stop SIing and then when you are less emotional you can think about it practically.

[VowsOfSadness]

well there is a difference. If when you're always with this one friend you end up getting upset and cutting maybe avoiding putting yourself in the situation when you are weak is a good idea. Also things like a triggering movie you might avoid is a good idea.

For important things that need to be delt with it is okay to put them off until you are more stable and able to deal with them rationally than when you are weak and will end up SI-ing. As my pdoc said, "you're not avoiding the issue, you're just putting it aside until you are better able to deal with it".

Although if you avoid feelings, like avoid a hurt you feel inside it will end up hurting worse same thing as if someone hurt you and you avoid coping with it or dealing w/it it will hurt. hmm not sure if that made sense

Hope this helped.

~*~Vows~*~ (Amanda)

[mallie]

I see you're new to the board. Welcome, I hope you find support here.

As the others have said, there is no clear cut way to say if avoiding things is ultimately useful/harmful/other, as it does depend a lot on the issue at hand.

Short term, it can be useful. If you can avoid it while you're particularly unsafe, but can then bring it up and deal with it later, it shouldn't be so bad. If you're just constantly pushing things aside, and not dealing with them at all, it isn't going to allow those issues to get to a stage where they are no longer problematic for you.

If you want to talk more about specific issues or scenarios, that might make it easier to look at ways to safely deal with them. Feel free to keep posting, and hopefully you'll get some good ideas and support from the board.

- Mallie.

[GLaDOS]

Well... sometimes it's OK, sometimes you can't just avoid these things. I don't get along with my Dad... I've solved the problem by not talking to him. At all. We still live in the same house, you know... It doesn't help. But maybe it'd help with smaller issues... I don't know.

[DJ_CJ]

I know I was pretty vague in my first post. I’ll give some details now if it helps.
Ye be warned... SI, possible triggers.
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A month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of about a year. He was the biggest support I’ve ever had and now there’s a void. I guess I’ve been trying to fill that void with different guys.

My close friends have always been mostly guys. This can get bad when the guys I consider friends want more than that. I’m tired of my heart being broken and I’m tired of breaking hearts. I always seem to be the one breaking hearts though.

It’s only been month since the breakup. It scares me how fast I move from guy to guy with no space in between and most of them overlap. The reason we broke up was because I cheated on him. He wants to work things out but I don’t want to. I need to tell him it’s over For Good but last conversation I had with him I nearly lost it. It seemed like when I talked to him I was always getting upset. If I wasn’t upset then I’d find something to be upset about. Maybe that’s just me. I am a very emotional person.

The guys I get involved with move fast and get serious quick. I don’t let myself fall in love but I get so emotionally dependant on whoever I’m with that I’m useless to myself.

The day I broke up with my ex., I didn’t let myself cry. I wasn’t calm. I was numb. I don’t like feeling numb so I try avoiding things. I avoid situations that might upset me (usually the bigger stuff).

I can type these thoughts out w/out much problem but I’m thinking in general. When I start thinking details of stuff I’ve done and stuff that’s happened that’s when I get the urges to SI.

This is long I know but I just started typing and it got away from me.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to lend an ear or a kick in the rear. Both are welcome I assure you.

[mallie]

Relating your new post to your first question, it does sound like you're delaying the inevitable. In that, you're not dealing with the problem, its not going to go away. In terms of SI, that is never inevitable, but can be a struggle.

A breakup of a year long relationship would be a strain on most people, even without a heavy support element to the relationship. It is okay to be upset, and to mourn the end of that, even if you were the one who broke it off [I know this sounds obvious, but sometimes being reminded of simple things can help me]. Processing the feeling involved with the loss of that relationship, will be ultimately more useful than filling your life with more unsatisfying encounters.

Can you put some other coping mechanisms and safety precautions in place so that you can start thinking about things ? For instance, remove any tools you might use to SI with, set up some distractions, people to go hang out with, some activities you can get lost in (check out the vast list of coping skills for ideas that suit you). That way, when you start looking at the 'issues' you have some ways to get through without SI already in place. It won't necessarily be easy, but you can do it.

- Mallie.

[DJ_CJ]

Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I just added that to my sig.
I love that saying. A man I very much admire beats that into everyone he meets. He is a smart guy.

If you ever have a chance to meet Bobby Petrocelli by chance take advantage of it. The chances are probably slim but who knows.