Coping with triggering comment from Mom....

[joliebird]

My mom triggered me the other night, and I cut b/c of it. Tonight, she triggered me (mildly) again, and I didn't. (I'm hypomanic right now, so I've noticed that I rarely cut during that period. Whatever works.) Anyhow, I've been thinking alot about denial and hiding, and how I don't want to deny things anymore, nor do I want to hide. So, I've started being honest with my family (starting with my mom and Grandma). I told my Grandma the other night that I was one day SI free, and she starts asking all these questions about why I'm still doing it, etc. And, you can't explain that to someone who either just doesn't understand, or doesn't care to. I don't know which it is with her. Anyhow, my mom wrote me an e-mail earlier and said Grandma's worried about you - if you are going to stay there (Boston) you better act happier when you talk to her - okay.

Acting happy when I'm not is alotof my problem. I grew up hiding things, and I have decided that I do not want to do it anymore. I shouldn't have to. And if my family doesn't get it, they never will. But...the important thing is that I didn't CUT over it.

--Mandy

[crizybatch]

I'm sorry about what your mom said. I mean, I can understand her concern over your grandmother's worry, but I can understand, appreciate, and admire your decision to be honest. I think you are being very brave. Stay strong.

[joliebird]

That's one of the reasons why I hate in when they say "Fake it 'til you make it" in a 12 Step programme I'm in....I quit faking a long time ago.

Thanks you for your support. It's been a long time since anyone's called me "brave"....I'm like Piglet that way.."It's so very hard to be brave when you are such a small animal..."

--Mandy

[ComfortablyNumb]

Congrats. You are brave for not faking it. Good luck with your family.

[VowsOfSadness]

wow. Im sure grandma is worried, but you shoudln't have to act happy pretending to be happy and bottling up your emotions only makes you hurt more everytime and in the end you just explode (even though that is so stereotyped).

[joliebird]

Its true, though...I just wrote that in my therapy journal this morning. If I have to hold things in too long I DO explode, and for me that's dangerous b/c I never know how it's going to come out.

[cocolovett]

im glad that you arent acting anymore. thats a really hard & huge step. im still struggling with that one for now but im glad to see that you are being so brave and overcoming that.
take care,
~coco

[bonita_05]

Mandy~~

I'm sorry that your mom has said all of these awful things to you. it's ridiculous that she thinks that she should tell you to hide your feelings. I'm really proud of you for not hiding your feelings and starting to deal with them. congrats on the days SI free

[Thunder_chey]

A lot of things my mom says triggars for me too. I hope you can straighten things out. My solution was to move out but its been a struggle and im still working minimim wage barly even full time so its diffricult especialy since I want to continue with school. Good luck to you in your endevours.

Chey

[joliebird]

Things are getting better....I'm just starting to learn what I can and cannot tak to her about. It causes us both less grief. She still doesn't know I slipped, though. I don't feel right telling her that. But, my therapist knows. To me, that's who should know--before my mom.

--Mandy