AFTER post--I did it again....*SP abuse, NO DETAILS*

[joliebird]

For a while, I was doing really well at identifying my triggers, and avoiding them if I needed to. And for the longest time my mother WAS NOT a trigger to me, and it hurts to realise that she is now--for some reason, that I think I know. It's because she has a resentment against me b/c I'm dealing with the abuse we suffered (and that she inflicted on me), and now she's not able to stay in her happy little world of denial. I posted already about what set me off in BUS--viewtopic.php?t=73944.

Somehow, I need to find a way to get away from my mother right now (I can't, even though she lives in Ohio, how pathetic is that?), while I'm starting to deal with these issues. She says that she wants me to talk to her about what I'm thinking and feeling, but when I DO, it's always the same as last night. I can't seem to find a "happy medium". Until then I'll be "doing the same thing over and over expecting different results", and the results are NEVER different.

--Mandy

[Tiarin]

that conversation with your mother does sound frustrating. i know that i react really badly when i feel like my problems aren't being taken seriously. you mentioned that you cut after you got off the phone with her and you felt better— do you have any sense of why it helped? in reading your posts, i was wondering whether it was related to a desire to prove that your problems were serious and valid and real (but that could just be me projecting, because that's the kind of thing i tend to do!)

your relationship with your mother sounds extremely complicated. (again, i can relate.) would it help to come up with some kind of explicit boundaries for your conversations? this might sound a bit odd, but i have actually made lists of topics that i know i don't want to get into with my parents, and when i can stick to that (which admittedly is not always!), i feel a lot better about our conversations.

i hope things are going okay for you.

dragonfly

[joliebird]

Things are better (of course, I'm mildly manic, so that could have something to do with it). I think that, in a sense, that my mother DOES realise thatmy problems are real, but she only knows how to cope by invalidation and denial (that's where I learned it from)...she does it to herself all the time.

I think the cutting after our conversation helped because of the "release" aspect.

As far as boundaries, I've tried to set them and she constantly crosses them. It gets frustrating to keep reminding her of my boundary issues. "Oh, you and your damn ISSUES!!", she says.

Thanks for the post. It made me feel better. Only less than six hours and I'll be TWO DAYS SI free....not that I'm projecting or anything *laugh*

--Mandy

[bonita_05]

Jolie~~

Hey sweetie... I'm sorry to hear that you slipped again, but look at the days that you didn't do it and be proud, because for you that's a big accomplishment! *hands u a pink star* I hope things get better!! I'm online if u ever need to talk, just send me an offline and i'll reply

Love,
ellen