Dear Self-injury,
I am mad right now, I am down-right pissed. I have a right to choose what I feel and those are the two feelings I choose to feel. Don’t go meddling in my personal affairs you just fuck everything up! I have finally dicieded to step up and take control. If we are going to last or live together any longer I am going to be making the rules. I want to live a life, and maybe you’re a part of it, but you’re not going to be all of it.
Yes, I discovered something I am uncomfortable with today, but sometimes people are going to feel uncomfortable in life so I am okay. I do not need you to express feeling uncomfortable, I’m tired of you being so selfish and trying to find a way into everything. I am fine, no, I am uncomfortable and that is fine. Some ways I can express that I am uncomfortable without you are as so: fidgeting, worrying, scanning eyes, Blushing, reddening ears, crying if necessary (notice you weren’t included). Some ways I may deal with being uncomfortable are: problem solving activities, confrontation of feeling with the person involved, talk to a friend (note that you are no longer included).
Don’t try to trick me if I slip, I know how you follow my every move, I am not ready to leave you fully behind, I will not tolerate you haunting me when I fall. Right now I say that I want nothing to do with you, I don’t want to hear from you. I think maybe I will discuss this further with you at 6 am but until then I don’t want to hear anything from you. I refuse to let you in just as you refused to let me out, so how does it feel now?
I am in control now. I am allowed to feel as I now feel and if you tell me otherwise it is allowed. To live ine must feel somtimes it won't be the best feeling but I'm not the first and I'M NOT THE ONLY one who feels down. I feel so much better expressing my feelings this way, even if I am a bit empty at your loss because for once I have won and power control has altered.
< cant believe I wrote that.
