Today im OK, tommorrow will it be too much?

[windwitch]

OK, I have made a few posts up here, mostly Im using this board to get out some thoughts and see other peoples opionions and ideals. X-Mas night I had a little party at my house that night my ex b/f who I still live with, he says he will try and save money but today he didn't even go to work and last week he ran up a $150.00 bar tab. Well anywho X-mas night we both kind of crossed our trying to be friends/roomates lines. We didn't have sex but I slept in the same room X-mas eve with him then all day sunday we were laying togeather watching movies and touching one another he asked me if he could stay living at the house I told him no but I don't think he is planing on leaving anytime soon. Right now he is not having sex with anyone we are both wanting to have sex but I can't let him have his cake and eat it too. ::Sigh:: and once he starts sleeping with other people I know it will be really hard on me since I know I prob. won't be having sex with anyone for a long long time. I just can't bring myself to sleep with someone I don't love. I have been cutting more often, but the past 3 days I have not cut at all & I go to see my shrink today. I want my b/f back and my life to no longer be filled with all this pain and uncertiness, I can't heal and get over him untill he is gone other wise im sure that it's pretty safe to assume that we will have sex he still will not want to date me and I will continue to cut myself.
- Dealing a sec. at a time-
Wendy

[I Tried To Be Perfect]

That old saying just popped into my mind... 'If he can't love you at your worst, He doesn't deserve you at your best.'

Hope that helps