SI addiction? *si trig*

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 3:14 am

I'm not sure how to start this one off, lol. have you ever wanted to si so bad that you could taste it, but it wasn't for any reason? there was no panic attack, no depression, nothing, you just wanted it so you did it...i've been doing that a lot lately and it's weird because i almost feel guilty because there's no reason...

what do ya'll do when it gets like that?

marylou · Post by **marylou** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 1:43 pm

Hey. I can totally relate to that. In fact I spent almost the entire day yesterday fighting that very urge. No reason, but I wanted to SH.

What I do is those kharres questions, and if I can't come with a good enough reason then I don't let myself SH. And I call my friend and get him to tell me not to do it and give me a reason why not to do it. I don't know why this works for me, but it does. He says something like:

Don't SH, it'll hurt lots and even if you just SH once today, you'll still have to hide the marks at the end of January.

It's not that I don't already know that, it's just that it's a voice of reason, outside of my own head (which is telling me all sorts of conflicting stuff) and I can't argue with him coz I know he's speaking the truth.
Maybe you could ask someone to do that for you?

nirvana · Post by **nirvana** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:37 am

yep, i've felt like that before. a lot, actually.

sometimes it's just because i feel completely numb, and i don't know what else to do. i don't feel excessively happy, or depressed. and i'm not nervous, or relaxed. i'm just kindof there, barely alive, and i can't see any other way out besides si'ing. also, i think the urge is almost always there in the back of my mind, and if i let myself get relaxed/bored, then the feelings show up.

i try and find another way to occupy myself. reading a book can help (non-triggery), or doing something physical definately always helps get me out of that 'numb' stage. working out, taking a walk, or even doing something relaxing like having a bubble bath. letting yourself just sit down and write/paint/draw can also help you figure out what's bothering you. i guess you have to find what works best for you.

good luck.

love, tara.

scarlit_sky · Post by **scarlit_sky** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 7:29 am

I get like that all the time. Sometimes I find a reason, no matter how small or insignificant it is, to allow myself to SI, even though I am trying to quit. There's that feeling like if I don't SI, I'll go crazy, or if I don't then I will be normal.

Emily

Ruby Tuesday · Post by **Ruby Tuesday** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:59 am

very much so.

i hate admitting it to myself, but it definately is an addiction. Even when I have no reason to, I still want to do it. Thinking about it like that makes me feel so weak and stupid, how could I let myself get like this?

the advice the others gave is good. I have try and distract myself and try to think logically about it, try to convince myself that I don't need to do it.

other times, none of this works, and like last night, I just have to go to bed, try to block everything out.

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 9:02 pm

I can totally relate to that stuff. I get like that for no apparent reason at all. I know all about that feeling. I try to go be around people that I trust and care about and they feel the same for me. If I cant be around people then I go read a book! Thats just what I do!

-Wynndi

esaeler · Post by **esaeler** » Sat Dec 18, 2004 12:03 am

I can completely relate to this. A lot of the times I SI, It's just because I'm numb. I don't feel any emotion whatsoever, and I just need to feel something, anything, to remind me I'm still alive.

The others' suggestions were really good. The only thing that ever worked for me was just going straight to sleep.

Take care.

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Sat Dec 18, 2004 6:26 am

I've tried talking to friends but i have a friend and she does this kindof thing all the time, but she does it for attention. she wants people to notice her and pity her so she acts like her life is horrible when it's not. i don't like ocming across as 'i want attention' when really, i want to be left to my own ways of handling things. i've never been good at expressing my emotions or 'letting it all out'. i've always kept it inside and SIing has really given me something to express myself with and i find it quite comfortable...
thank you all for your suggestions, i don't think i've ever thought of drawing when i get that way! i'll try it, i love drawing...i'd really like to just sleep it off, but i'm an insomniac and a lot of times i don't sleep.
I'm really sorry that you guys actually know how i feel, i wouldn't wish it on anyone, lol. i hope ya'll feel better....
-love and hugs!

Sirloth · Post by **Sirloth** » Sun Dec 19, 2004 4:06 pm

I feel like that tons.. I can have a really good day with my friends or something, but then when I get home I get really lonely and empty and SI is the only thing that helps it sometimes....

Good suggestions! A lot of the time when Im down i just phone one of my friends, even if I have just finished talking to them. It makes the phone bill astronomical, but its worth it...

Lots of love

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 5:30 am

I have found that a really good suggestion is to draw cuts on yourself with a red marker! it's a bit conspicuous sometimes, people always stare and ask about the marker, but the red marker combined with a small journal to keep with you for when you want to SI, it helps a lot!

deeperndeeper · Post by **deeperndeeper** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 10:07 pm

I use to bang my head against walls, when i was really little then when i was about 9 started cutting then i hadnt for a few years and then i met this guy i love but he dont like me. Thats why i cut.

Wynndi · Post by **Wynndi** » Wed Dec 22, 2004 10:26 pm

I cut because I cut....I dont have to have a reason....its a reason in itself to me. But when I started it was to get rid of the pain. I guess I cut to feel alive and numb at the same time if that makes sence!

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 7:25 am

it makes plenty of sense wynndi! sometimes i do it for that reason, but sometimes it really is for a reason and i always end up feeling selfish...i'm not sure how that is, but usually i don't feel anything, i kind of black out...like i'm still awake but i don't really know what i'm doing...i can't really tell and i can go for hours like that until i wake up and my arm has a few new notches on it...

Dreamwater · Post by **Dreamwater** » Sat Jan 01, 2005 11:49 am

Yes, I've felt like this often. Lately, I have been trying not to give in though. I believe that it is something that can be addictive. Best thing to do is distract yourself, keep busy, I find

aimee929 · Post by **aimee929** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:15 am

I truly believe that SI is an addiction. It's been in my life for 5 years now, and just when I think I am over it, the urges come back.

I also sometimes get urges for no reason. But the hardest part for me is that whenever I am angry or upset or frustrated, SI is my next immediate thought. Sometimes I spend hours trying to fight it off.

Here are some coping strategies I use:

Reading for fun-- trashy books, mysteries, magazines

Journal Writing

Emailing friends (who can handle my thoughts)

Calling friends (ditto from above)

Watching a movie (but be careful of the movie subject matter)

Coloring

Hitting a pillow or hitting a pillow against something

Smoking

A new strategy I use is this: if I want to cut, I say-- okay, i will wait 15 minutes. and if I still want to cuit then, I will. Briefly. But most of the time, I have forgotten about it by then or the urge has passed. I take time in small bites.

Just know you are not alone in this fight.

love,
Aimee

jolter803 · Post by **jolter803** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 4:10 pm

wow.. i know exaclty what your feeling with this..
i don't know what to do to change or what but i think its like a hobby this infact is like voice in my head urging to get off the comp.,. and get it started.. pretty sad.. but shit happened.. and i am addicted to a bunch..

pink77 · Post by **pink77** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 10:52 pm

I often feel like this. I can be having a wonderful day, but the urge to SI is always in the back of my mind. I can't shake it. 9 times out of 10 I cut because I have too (or feel I need too). But there are times when I just cut myself to see the blood and feel it.
This was a great post, that I know I can relate too!

Priceless · Post by **Priceless** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 8:28 pm

i do that too, i cant find any reason for it, i just do it because of nothing and then i fell bad about it because ihad no reason for it, i just like SI, thats all i can come up with.

dont speak · Post by **dont speak** » Sat Jan 22, 2005 11:34 pm

YEAH I GTE LIKE THAT A LOT TOO... EXPECIALLY NOW THAT IM TRYING TO STOP. ITS LIKE NOW THAT I KNOW I WONT DO IT, I WANT TO DO IT EVEN MORE.. I JUST TRY TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY.. LIKE COMING ON HERE AND POSTING... OR ILL GO SOMEHWERE I KNOW POPEL ARE CUZ ITS NOT LIKE ID CUT IN FORNT OF THEM... LITTLE STUFF LIEK THAT

Sarita · Post by **Sarita** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 2:29 am

Reading for fun-- trashy books, mysteries, magazines
Smoking

trashy books? lol, what would those be? smoking?? you would exchange an addiction that only leaves scars for one that would kill you?! i'm sorry, but one, i'm allergic and two, i have asthma caused by smokers so no thanks.

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SI addiction? si trig

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