[b]Before Post[/b]

[sadgirl2]

Why do I feel the need to hurt myself?

I have been feeling really sad all day today. I'm not sure why. Then tonight I went to counceling with my son. My husband usually goes to, but did not remember to come today. We go because my husband has had an anger problem and alot of times takes his anger out on our son by yelling. Now my son is starting to have anger problems so we are working as a family with a therapist to help my son. Anyway, my son really wanted to go paint balling tomorrow with his friends. His therapist said it would be good for him and to encourage it. He was really excited about it and wanted to get the supplies he needed tonight. My husband wanted to teach him patience and told him to wait until tomorrow. My son got upset, my husband got upset and I got sad. It's hard for me to take. I felt like cutting right then and there. I didn't of couse, but the urge is so strong.

Have I been here before
Yes. I get to this place whenever I am overwhelmed with feeling that I have trouble coping with. Sometimes I feel like I can stop it. Tonight I'm not so sure.

What have I done to ease the comfort so far?I have tried a tapping exercise given to me by my therapist.

I am doing a b/4 post

I am taking alone time in hopes that I can use the time to get my feelings under control

How do I feel right now?

I'm still feeling pretty sad.

How will I feel while I am hurting myself?

I feel in control. Like everythings going to be all better.

How will I feel after I hurt myself?

I'll feel very calm for a while and not so sad. Tomorrow I may start feeling guilty because I have to hide it.

Can I avoid this stressor or deal with it better in the future?

I can't avoid the stressor. I have gotten help for the family and for myself. I will continue on with that and make any necessary changes.

Do I need to hurt myself?

Yes, I think tonight I do. I do want to get better and not do this anymore, but for tonight I'm just going to accept the fact that I need to do it until I can find a way every time to handle the feelings without hurting myself.

[/b]

[beachgirl]

(((Hugs, Terri))) I'm sorry that you are so sad that you feel like you have to hurt yourself, but the process of learning new coping methods is a long one. Remember that you are worth being loved - especially by yourself.

Take very gentle care,
Susie

[sadgirl2]

I don't have the questions in front of me tonight so I hope it's okay if I just write. I did hurt myself after my last post and again tonight. It just feels so hard sometimes between raising a teenager who is so angry at the world and tells me I care to much. He wants to go to someones house tomorrow after school. I have a doctors appointment. I don't know this kid and said I would have to talk to the parents. He is so upset and says we are ruining his life. He says his friends all tease him because of our rules. It's tearing my insides out. I feel like I'm doing the right thing though.

My husband the next day after my "before post" got mad at my son and made some holes in the wall by bursting in the door because he pounded so hard on it the door knob and the locks made holes...I did tell him he needed to stop or leave and I did talk to our son for a while.

I just hurt so bad inside. Even after I hurt my self. It just wasn't enough this time.

I don't want you to think I haven't been trying to get better because I have, its just some days I feel like I'm walking in quicksand. Work is another story all together. I wish something in my life would go right or easier. Its just getting to be too much.

I'll stop now. I know this sight is for the before and answer questions. Sorry.