Mixed feelings

[IceWire]

I guess this is where I should post this.

Lately, I've been getting urges again. It's been about seven months since I last SIed (besides a couple scrapes, but I don't count that). And out of the blue, I've been having urges again. Tonight is particular bad. This day was slightly unusual.

Friday was an early release for my school, and I was happy that morning, because a friend who I hadn't been talking to, but had -thought- might be dead was in school. We hadn't talked for about six or seven months, so I wasn't expecting him to talk to me. But he did. It was... worrisome, almost. Because he was afraid of me, and he practically jumped out of his skin when he went to hug me. I didn't know what to do or what he wanted, but he asked if we could be friends again, and I said yes. So for the rest of the day, I was in a dreamlike state. Worried, because I didn't know how my boyfriend or anyone else would react. But I talked with everyone about it, openly and honestly, and they were all okay with it. So that made me happy.

Then, D. (we'll just call him that) and I were supposed to get together for dinner that night, and it didn't work out so we planned it on Saturday, but Saturday he didn't leave his room or get online so I didn't hear from him today.

Today, we went to Chinese restaurant, where i bought him lunch. We talked throughout it, and things progressed fairly well. We went to his house afterwards, and watched anime I'd gotten for Christmas, and basically... it was like we were friends again. He trusts me still. He told me just about everything, and that made me happy. I'm happy to have him back in my life.

And that's just it.

I'm happy.

But it's making me want to cut. and I don't understand at all. I'm confused. ~_~;;; I've never heard of any SI taking place because a person can't handle happiness.

Does any one out there know of why I could possibly have this problem?

(and if this is in the wrong area, forgive me, please... o.o; )

[pink77]

There are many times, when I cut just to cut. More times than not I cut when I am sad or depressed. But there are those occasions that I cut when I am happy or feel "fine".
I tried to talk to my therapist about this. But no help yet - LOL - story of my life.
I try to think of why "I" do it. I believe for me, it is to allow me to actaully feel something, like to feel the happiness is real. Does that make sense?
I cut for a variety of reasons, depending on what is going on in my life. And I have been known to cut, to snap myself into reality, and accept that I am happy.

[onlypurples]

Sometimes I get the urge to SI with any emotion - happiness, sadness, grief, anger, etc... Sometimes I just get so happy that I don't know what to do with it, so I cut. Cutting is a way I cope at times and sometimes that is even how I cope when I am happy about things - no matter how twisted it might seem.