i have been dissasociating for well as long as i can remember. though in the last few months, the dissasociation coupled with si and 2 su attempts and od's it is becoming more and more dangerous. the point of this thread is to find other bussers who may also suffer with dissasociation. to find out how you cope with it, keep yourself grounded and try to prevent future episodes of dissasociation. to try and share tips and methods to beat dissasociation.
the first quote is my reply to a post on my place and the second quote is a reply to my reply. i really appreciate your time that you take to read here.
truce wrote:thans maz. yeah, i thought of that but why im just posting here is well 2 fold. firstly, its me and my silliness. so i want to keep it here and think about it a bit (if that makes sense) and secondly, i want to do something a bit usefull. even if it is looking at funny pics and quotes. they are lifting my spirits and making me giggle a bit, so thats good. and then i have nice posts like yours that i would rather answer, because they are even more productive and helpfull than counting to some number.mazaru wrote:i'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. for raising your post count, have you tried posting on the games board? one post each on all the numbers games might get your count away from this area. just an idea
i can see this maybe helping me. i have athma and as a child used to run and jump into the cold pool, fully clothed sometimes to kind of shock my body back to reality and my breathing back to normal. also for some unknown reason i seem to be having issues with my feet. they are swelling up like you cant believe. ive been drinking so much water lately i dont know if that has something to do with it. so my feet in cold water a bit, even not as a anti-dissasociation thingy might even not be a bad idea.mazaru wrote:i've been trying to work out things i do to help specifically with the dissociation, so here goes.... i've tried a few things, and some of them work intermittently for me. things like exposing myself to low temperatures. i found for a while that putting my feet in cold (ice-cold) water would help bring me back into my body
i dont know if this will really help me if i am on the brink of dissasociating, but i think its the same as excercise below ...mazaru wrote:sitting or lying in a comfortable position, and tensing each muscle in my body individually, then relaxing, can work really well. eg. tense left toes, relax. tense left calf, relax. tense left thigh, relax. tense right toes, relax.... and so on.
exercise to me atm is a bug bear. i should really be getting more, that i do know. its been years since i have really done anything. it was november / december 2001 that i broke my right leg (had an accident with my motorbike. anyway long story short. i fell. thought everything was ok, lucky i had been going slow. but as i stood up i heard crack. my right femur slintered in two. man thats a scary noise and a hell of a lot of pain, something i will never forget) anyway, besides being almost dead bc the bone narrowly missed my artery, i also had a pulmonary embolism which i barely survived. so since then, ive taken it opretty easy to try get everything to heal. i have a titanium rod in the center of my leg. the screws are still in it and scratch against the muscles, so it gets sore if i walk to much or run, sometimes even stand. i have to go fet the screw on the hip side of the bone removed anyway. was supposed to be a year or 2 ago, but i only found out the other day. so i am trying to get a bit more excercise by walking to the shops or going to see clients that are close by instead of driving. ive put up my punching bag (but need to move it) as i find that is a good stress reliever as well as gives me a nice cardio workout.mazaru wrote:going for a walk, or any kind of exercise, although it doesn't necessarily help when i'm on the verge of an episode, if i do it regularly i find it helps me feel generally a bit more grounded.
i have a 2 nice relaxation therapy thingy's. the one was given to me by the ocupational therapists the time before last when i went ip. it has a lot of deep breathing and stretching thingys to do. it isnt copyrighted or anything, if you would like i can send it to you somehow. i found that when the first time or 2 i did this, it could actually be painfull as you stretched the muscles. but the more regular i did it, the more relaxed i was during the day, the less prone i was to a sore neck and back. but like you said these are more preventative than an immediate cure.
maybe i will search this up on the net. we can see what it is all about.mazaru wrote:i keep hearing about a thing called 'mindfulness', but tbh i don't have much idea what it's about.
yeah. ive posted a few times. once though was on kcats' place i think. but yeah. its horrific what we get up to, and what we just do not remember. i am grateful that so far i have not hurt anybody while i have been like that. my worst time, mainly bc well it could have hurt someone was 2 am. i remember nothing from the afternoon. last thing i remember was the sun shining in my room window, then remember getting in my car (as in literally opening the door and sitting down) then i remember looking to my right and looking straight into the lamp pole. then my next memory is the next day. according to a buddy of mine, who saw it all, i drove at a high speed towards the truck, to have a head on collision (i am presuming su attempt) and at the last second swerved out, spun the car and hit the lamp post. omg. i still have no recollection. i also woke with bad cuts all over my arms, but could not find bandages, clothes or even my blade. till this day i dont know what i did with themmazaru wrote:i find my dissociation really frightening, particularly the lack of control. and lack of memories. ugh.that must be my worst episode bc think how easily i could have hurt somebody else. lucky only my car sustained damage. i wasnt hurt, well except the si. and then obviously my od 2 weeks ago. which well. bleah. i dont remember much of the whole day or night leading up to it when i was found around 8 am on the kitchen floor, and i am presuming all the meds may have been responsible for the weeks memory loss thereafter. dissasociation is not your friend.
ive been thinking about it though. disassociation has been with me for many years. some may have called it day dreaming. but i can remember especially when i would drive. i dont remember actually getting to a place. or will go past the turn off bc my mind isnt all there and a passenger would say should we not have turned there. and its like a kick back to reality. i often never remember my drives home. maybe bc i think im on the way home, i am safe. i can relax now. mmmmm. dissasociation has been with me longer than i care to remember. i think it is just that now dissasociation together with si / su is just plain dangerous.
well as you can see by my ramblingmazaru wrote:i hope you can relate to some of this. do you have anything you do to try and stop it happening?i relate to some of it
and well until i read your place with techniques i have kinda always accepted it as part of my messed up state of mind. never thought there was something to do about it, well never gave it much thought at all to be honest. but i must add that since i have been off of my meds, i havent found myself dissasociating half as bad as i used to. i also seem to have more control over my si. the other day after my pm, i didnt. then when i was hyper urgey last night i didnt and again today. if i read my befores and afters, i have felt like this before and there was no way out but to cut. yet now i am trying stuff. i am not as urgey at all right now. si is not really an option atm.
so thats all good. thank-you for your post. sorry for my long winded reply
noel
please add your thoughts. much appreciated.mazaru wrote:
i like long-winded replies! so now you can have one of mine....
your place grows very quickly... much to catch up on
well done for not cutting. is a big achievement. and i'm glad you got out of going with your mum, you sound positive about that. and also i'm glad you feel able to worship alone. it is something i have preferred for many years now, i have personal issues with organised religion, but worshipping in my own way is something i find comforting.
there's been some interesting research done on the way temperatures affect the body, and how it can help with dissociation. not that i've read any of iti can see this maybe helping me. i have athma and as a child used to run and jump into the cold pool, fully clothed sometimes to kind of shock my body back to reality and my breathing back to normal. also for some unknown reason i seem to be having issues with my feet. they are swelling up like you cant believe. ive been drinking so much water lately i dont know if that has something to do with it. so my feet in cold water a bit, even not as a anti-dissasociation thingy might even not be a bad idea.
the idea of this is apparently, again, that it makes you focus on your body and your physical aspects. keeps me thinking 'yes, that is *my* toe. and that's *my* calf. and that's *my* thigh.' stops me from letting myself drift away, and sometimes i can retain control when otherwise i don't think i would. but works differently for everyone.i dont know if this will really help me if i am on the brink of dissasociating
the exercise thing is a bug-bear (nice word!) for me also, but for very different reasons. long story short, i'm lazy
i'd like that a lot. i'm always trying to find new things that might help, this sounds like a good relaxation thing. might help me sleep if nothing else, and anything that reinforces a connection between mind & body is normally good for me.i have a 2 nice relaxation therapy thingy's ... if you would like i can send it to you somehow
i'd like to find out about mindfulness, it sounds like a good plan to look for that on the net. i'll keep an eye out
*nods muchly* i agree. that sounds terrifying. the concept of 'losing time' - there just being bits of the day that aren't there - is bad enough, but coupled with si/su and being out of control when that's happening is very scary indeed. i'm glad you're still here and that part of you is not in control all the time.its horrific what we get up to, and what we just do not remember. i am grateful that so far i have not hurt anybody while i have been like that.
i can relate to this a lot. just drifting off, losing awareness of the world outside my head. or sitting in front of the tv and realising i'd missed an hour long programme. didn't think these things were particularly important until it escalated.ive been thinking about it though. disassociation has been with me for many years. some may have called it day dreaming
sounds as though being off meds is a positive thingsince i have been off of my meds, i havent found myself dissasociating half as bad as i used to. i also seem to have more control over my si.i'm glad you're finding that aspect better. is a hugely good thing that you're finding the si better. well done for fighting so hard as well.
yeah. i thought it was just a thing that happened too, until i came to bus. someone mentioned something about grounding techniques, and since then i've been trying to read up on them, and use what i've found. i'm still early on in my attempts to control it, compared to the si, but so far what i've found has helped a loti have kinda always accepted it as part of my messed up state of mind. never thought there was something to do about it, well never gave it much thought at all to be honest
apologies also for the hugeness of this reply. hope you're doing ok today
noel