1) You said you could: "Force all of my friends and relatives to move to the state I live in. Cure my children's nuero issues and my husband's depression, adopt new parents. " Obviously these are all a little far fetched. What are some acceptable alternatives? You can't force your loved ones to move closer to you -- what can you do?
2) What are some non-physical ways to deal with this situation?
Well I've made a lot of effort to get along with the parents that I currently have and we actually have a decent relationship it just takes a lot out of me to deal with them. So I think I'm on the right track there. As far as my kiddos issues we're doing what we can- going to doctors, they've got therapies and special ed it's just disheartening, the longer things go on the more obvious it is that their issues aren't going to disappear. Well in my son's case with the ADHD/learning disabilities/whatever else he may actually be able to get past those things, at least learn to deal with them in such a way that they won't get in his way so much. I don't know what to do about my husband's depression, I can't cure my own. It's a helpless feeling not to be able to do anything about it, just like it's a helpless feeling not to be able to help my kids more or make my dad stop drinking. I really don't like helpless. I keep up with most of my loved ones who are out of state but it's not the same as having them here. I am trying to make new friends and keep up the friendships here but it's not the same. I wish I had more people around me who have known me for a while, who have some kind of history with me. I miss my mom and everyone that I haven't seen in a long time, the holidays just make it worse. We can't afford to travel and of course no ammount of money could get us to see my mom. I am doing a lot of the things that I should do to deal with these issues I guess I'm just impacient.
I noticed, too, that you mention a couple times how you are "slogging through" this trying time. This seems to be your way of coping -- slogging through. I recognize that as an old coping mechanism of mine.
I found that instead of just suffering as something uncomfortable happens, I have to acknowledge it and deal with the actual stressor. Personally -- I have to say "Ok. I'm angry. This is the physical cause that I recognize. Here's why I feel the way I do about this. Here are some possible outside factors (hunger, exhaustion?). What's a way to handle this situation?"
Well as much as possible I try to just push these issues down, sometimes they just pile up on me all at once. If I can get through the times when I am feeling low I can get back to not dealing with them. Hmm..that sounded better in my head than it looks written out.
I get a feeling from your posts here (and I may, of course, be incorrect) that when you stopped cutting, you replaced your coping mechanism of 'cutting' with the coping mechanism of 'not cutting.' Meaning, you don't really have a back up plan for coping. You come into a situation where you would have, in the past, hurt yourself...and then you talk your way through the stressor by focusing on what you shouldn't do -- cut. I think it would be beneficial for you to add in some more positive methods. Not "I have to get through this. I have to keep myself from cutting." More "I have to get through this. I am going to (leave the room, talk to myself about the problem, mention it to my husband, etc.)"
I hope that at least a portion of this makes some relative sense.
There's a lot of truth in that. I haven't found anything else that works as well or as quickly as cutting or burning. SI was such an immediate fix and it always worked. I try other coping mechanisms and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. Most of the time they work but after a while the system breaks down. I guess all of my coping mechanisms are aimed at distracting me and keeping myself from cutting..hmmm. That's very true. As far as dealing with things I think that I just don't have the tools to do that. I mean I've kind of gotten to the point where any support system has kind of deminished to the point where the only people I can lean on are dirrectly involved in what is going on. I don't know how this happened. I used to have a lot of close friends, I've always been a fairly social person inspite of myself (because I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to dealing with people) I think that somewhere along the lines I couldn't juggle everything and friendships were the ball I dropped. Other than my husband I really don't have any friends in my day to day life. I need to fix that but that's hard when I'm being overwelmed by life. I mean I'm not exacty a catch friendwise right now.
I have made steps though, I've visited churches trying to find one that's a good fit for us thinking we could meet people that way. I'm on friendly terms with quite a few of the other mother's at my son's school, I've taken a more active roll in our neighborhood's block association. I guess my new years resolution will be to make some actual friends out of some of my friendly aquaintnences. That won't solve much but at least I wouldn't feel so lonely.
Let me think about the people who I care about the most. And how when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them. Let me extend that generosity to myself.” — Ze Frank
) however much you try to ignore them, and they will keep coming back at you. Would journalling help you process the issues and emotions maybe? Or go have a look at the list of coping techniques and try to work out which ones would help you look at the cause and process it rather than just get you through the emotion.