it will go away, please make it go away. I can't stop feeling lonely and worthless and shitty and just awful. they all hurt me every time they open their mouths.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Goddamn, I don't care I want to hurt myself please no one cares about me anymore, and everyone is tried of my depressed bullshit and no one can ever know I want to die right now i feel awful i can't think help me please you don't want to. No one on BUS cares about me anymore either.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I DONT CARE. I DONT CARE. I DONT CARE. Leave me alone. You don't care about me.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
just make this go away. I feel so awful I want to die. I feel so awful I wish someone could just hug me and tell me they love me but no one cares. and when people try to care, other people ground them for caring about me. I'm so awful.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could keep talking to my friend Colin. I could call someone. I could just sit here and cry. I want to hurt myself though. I want to I want to...
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Fuck tomorrow.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want to Si. Or I wouldn't be here. Screw this. Screw all of y'all for giving up on me and leaving me and never bothering to check in on me and care about me.
Screw him for not understanding that sometimes I hurt to.
Screw him for not caring about me anymore.
Screw everyone for leaving me.
Please don't leave me. Please stop. I feel like I'm falling again. Please don't leave me. You don't notice that I'm not around anymore. I feel left out on BUS. I feel left out IRL. No one cares about me.
