It will give me a release that I don't feel I can get at the moment.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Again, just the release from it all. However, the aftermath is not always worth it. The covering from Andy and Cian and others, the shame, the guilt.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the end, further away. I will have failed again. Myself, as well as others. But it's the immediate way out I crave.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Sometimes, part of the cover-up afterwards is part of the act itself. That I feel the shame and the guilt, that's what I deserve.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I can carry on playing pogo, using things like this to distract me. Hopefully that will last.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Relieved, guilty, ashamed, in control, out of control
also strangely powerful.Possbily past the urge. Maybe still urging.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Continuing to distract so I don't let myself down. I need to get past this, for ME.
) to make it more for you - to declare it and own and feel that yes, this is for me and whilst struggling with this I'm going to do it in a way I've never done before: so that this moment doesn't just pass you by: this moment where you've said you want to get pass this for *you* becomes something meaningful and precious to *you* from *you*. 