Hard Times This Week Always

[Lyndsie]

I haven't posted here in a while. I guess that males me feel as if i let myself down.
Anyways.
i've been cutting alot lately. I guess it finally hit me how bad it has gotten, today. So now if as good of time as any to help myself.
I'm not sure why i cut. I knew it earlier, but now have forgotten. It could have been several things.
~I'm worried about school problems
~My family
~Thoughts of running away
~My friend Dee
~My body image
~Maybe it all led up to this, point.~

I could have used other coping methods. I was pretty sure they wouldn't work, and i just didn't want to use them.

I don't know what i can do the next time. I think I'm just stuck. I know cutting is the only way, but i'm not sure what esle works for me.

I guess this kind of helps. I feel as if i did something positive for myself by posting this.

[Lyndsie]

AT least I'm trying to help myself. Maybe I didn't figure out anything, but at least i'm trying.

[Tiarin]

i agree; i think it's great that you're trying!

it sounds like you've identified a lot of the stressors in your life, which i do think can be very helpful. i'm wondering if it might further help, the next time you find yourself seriously triggered, to take a good look at the emotion that's accompanying the stressful situation. or to think about how you're hoping to feel after hurting yourself. for example, if your stress is worry over school, how will si make that more bearable?

hang in there.

dragonfly

[Wendy]

Hey Lyndsie,

I think it's great that you're posting here and trying to change things. I was wondering if you reach out for support when you're feelng like SI'ing. I know that's the hardest time to do it, but I know sometimes it helps me when I do. I've also started journaling about my feelings recently by writing them out (not typing) and it seems to help some too.

Hugs,
Wendy

[Lyndsie]

Thanks you to both of you for the replies.
I guess i could try to identify them well i's happening. It will be hard though cause it hard to cope or think of coping when I get like this.
I love writing. I wish I was able to write to cope, but for me it seem writng just makes things worse.Like it use to help me cope, but alot of the time it pulls more and more fels out and makes me want to cut even more.
I really want to cut now, so I'll try to identify why I want to cut.

[Lyndsie]

(I guess I'll try identifying them in this post, bans it did make me want to do so.) *BEFORE*

Danielle
Family
Death/Suicide
Depression
Falling/ Running Away
Hopeless

*I guess thats basicly it!*

What will cutting change?

It would make Danielle feel bad if she knew.
It wouldn't effect my Family.
It would help me cope with the idea of Suicide/Death.
It is one of the only ways i can seem to cope with my Depression, that really helps.
I'm not really sure how it will effect my Falling/Running Away, I guess it will make it feel more barable.
It will make make me feel like i have soemthing and have some form of hope, something to rely on is how it will help me hopeless feelings.

I guess it's kind of halp and half. PArt of me wants to cut and a small part of me doesn't want to cut. I guess thats why it's such a struggle.

~I'm proud of myself that i was able to do this. It has helped, I guess, in a way. maybe later when I'm tempted to cut, I won't because I'll be ab;le to think of this. Maybe this is my hope!~

[Wendy]

Is it possible to get any exercise. I know it's a beast to do it when you feel bad and I don't always succeed in making myself do it, but I have never cut after having recently exercised. It helps work the stress out of my body and if it's vigorous enough kicks in the endorphins, just like SI'ing does (not as intensely, but enough to get me through).

Another thing my therapist used to do was have me share what good things are going on. I always hated doing that when I was feeling yuck, like somehow that invalidated the bad feelings, but eventually I learned that just gave some balance. Maybe writing about what you do like in your life or things you've done a little better at (like posting here for instance) might help some.

I know it's not easy. I hope you stay safe. I'm on day 13 now and got triggered a bit by a sharp I found, but so far so good. I'm going to try to get myself on my exercise machine soon today.

Hugs,
Wendy

[Lyndsie]

~Thank You Wendy~

I like tht share idea. Say good things that are going on in your life. I agree that does sound yuck, when your feeling bad.

I'm not so sure about exercise. Exercise scares me. It makes me want go back even further into my ED. Maybe one day I will be able to use exercise to fight my SI , but not today.

((((Hugs))))
Good Job! Good Luck!



Lyndsie

[XclippedXwingsX]

hey there lyndsie. I'm sorry that you've been having a rough time. I'm glad that you're trying though. Be proud of that! All those factors in your life do tend to add up after a while. At least you're not giving up. You take care and sorry I don't have anything GOOD to say I'm kinda out of it...

xXx Charm xXx

[Lyndsie]

Thanks Charm. I guess your right, i should be proud of myself for trying, And for not giving up! ~I can be proud of myself!~

I hope you get back into it soon! lol