when you feel like you are a burden on those you care about

[truthserum]

I think the key is really knowing your friends and their limits. I have quite a few friends at college with me, but only two that know about my SI and ED. I know everyone else would be sympathetic, but I also know that their limits and understanding aren't where I need them to be. I usually feel like a burden no matter how many times people tell me otherwise, so my friend and I made an agreement. He wants me to feel open anytime I need him to talk to me or just sit with me, but he also knows that I need for him to tell me if he can't handle it right then or if it's a little too much to deal with. It's hard, but little by little, you will come to trust people. Ask them to be completely honest with you, and that you would feel better if they told you "sorry, now isn't a good time," as opposed to listening anyway and then getting frustrated or annoyed. It sets up good boundaries for the relationship, and you can have guilt-free venting. ((hugs))

~Amy~

[Sharon]

Hi. Good Post.

For me, I am very particular about those that say call me any time. Only until this last year have I started divulging my issue, but those that were around knew that something wasn't all connecting inside. I have over burdened some, they are gone and I don't fault them for that by any means. I can be overwhelming and I know it. I have learned a trick, that I would start dialing the phone, and whoever (friends of course) would have the answering machine on, I would just babble for a minute or two, and continue calling. If I was lucky enough to have somebody pick up the phone, I'd simply say, talk to me. Tell me about your day. After a while, they'd begin to understand this was my way of coming down from a flip or anxiety trip. most of the time, they'd tell me about their day / situation whatever, sometimes not even getting to me, which was fine, just having them on the other side talking to me was good enough.

Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed the connection between SI'ing, not wanting to be a burden, but needing to been seen?? - vicious cycle.

sh.

[Sharon]

On a funny note -

One night during a particularly hard episode, I tried reaching out via the phone in hopes of not flipping over. No friends were home or answering cell phones, it was getting too late to call others, I called the crisis hot line, the little gal was so bored with me she yawned and smacked her gum, telling me she didn't know what to do for me. I then called the prayer hot line, I was on hold for 30 minutes, I then just started dialing phone numbers. Oddly enough I dialed an old friends number, mis dialed and got a little old lady whom I had wrong numbered before. She heard my hic-cups and tears, and just started telling me about her day, her late husband, cats and so on. I'm not good with Geriatrics in general, but this sweet lady helped me by just wanting to talk and cure her own lonliness.

sometimes, all we need is a voice that will talk to us and make us feel real rather than our voices trying to figure out what's going on inside.

sh.

[Helpmeundrstnd]

I can understand your mentor/friends position cause I am very much in that. I would say if you were one of my friends that I'd want you to call. Waking me up or interrupting anything I'm doing would be fine with me, I'd want to hear your voice and talk to you and know that you were feeling however you were, so that I could be there for you. Even if it only meant telling you about my day so that you could listen and hear me, I'd do it....and i have a feeling she would too.

[TheWeightoftheWorld]

i didn't read all the posts, only the first. i am feeling a bit lazy. and very much like i should be doing my chem work instead. oh well.

i have this super-fantastic-supportive-loving-wonderful boyfriend. great? great. not so great. we have been going out for over a year and i am just beginning to learn "the limits". that when he has a migraine, maybe i shouldn't call at 3 in the morning, unless i have those pills in my hands and i'm ready to down them. he will talk to me about anything and can calm me down about anytime, but there are sometimes when you just can't call people. and if you call someone and they tell you not right now while you are crying, it makes you feel a lot worse than having not called at all.

my advice? call when they are free or when they don't have to be up early the next day. otherwise? come and post on bus or do another anti-SI tactic. the thing about bus is, if you say "i need to talk" you are probably going to get a bunch of responses pretty quickly, even if it's lately. at least that's been my experience in the week i've been here.

oh, i guess i didn't even address what to expect when you call, which seems to be what in a lot of people said. IMHO, you should expect a friend, not a therapist. i used to expect my b/f to be able to solve whatever was on my mind, but he can't. he can come over and give me hugs, tell me his feelings on what's on my mind or just talk to me. these things DO help, though. at least with me.

i hope i helped a bit and i hope you're doing well.

<3 Molly

[ru290]

how much should we let ourselves depend on people (I never really have or have trusted anyone this much before) and how much should we keep inside so that we can't hurt anyone.

i think that you need to be careful, this probably isnt what u want to hear, but i think that its valid - if you are feeling fragile as it is, then maybe you shouldn't completely DEPEND on someone, because NO ONE is completely trustworthy, and the day (im not saying they will) but the day when they let you down, your whole WORLD will come crashing down all around you and there will be nothing that you can do about it because you have placed complete and utter trust in this person. maybe this is just something to think about, i dont know?
hope this was alright to write??sorry.
ru x

[Space_Man]

Yes, wise words, ru290.