Before

[PoisonIvy]

1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
its not that it would change the siruation or the way that i feel. because there isn't really a situation and i am definitly not feeling anything. But thats the point, it would make me feel. I'm just so numb right now.

2. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? right now it would take away a lot of stress, but later on it would just add to it. It may be easier to deal with then.

3. how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? i want to feel like i know where i'm going and what i want. i'm not sure if siing will help me get there, but i don't know how to get there at all

4. if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? it will last until i think about having to tell someone about what i did. i can't hide it from my boyfriend, if he finds them, he'll be more mad. Once that happens, i just feel like i did something wrong, like that i can never do things right

5. what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? well right now my boyfriend is in the other room sleeping, i can't throw ice like i do sometimes, i could read, it's pretty bad though, I don't know if that will be enough. Nothing can change the situation right now, there are just too many things, i don't know how to deal with them all.

6. how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? tomorrow i will start to feel the physcial pain of what i might do and realize that i need to hide it, and myself and my feelings and just basically supress everything if i do just read tonight, tomorrow i will feel like i achomplished something, but it may also make it worse in the fac tthat ther urge will still be there and next time i might not becable to fight it

7. what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? right now i just want answers to how to get out of my current situation. I want to cry. I want release of emotion. I just don't know what to do.

[Wendy]

Hi Poisen Ivy,

Sounds like you're having a hard time. What has helped me in the past is "Riding the Wave". Picturing the emotions like an ocean wave that builds and builds and eventually crests and goes down. During the time when it is building, I just do everything I can to distract myself -- posting here, calling a friend, exercise (that one is especially helpful). Sometimes writing longhand about your feelings and thoughts can help too. This will eventually go down, although I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment. I hope you find your way through this maze safely.

Hugs (if okay)
Wendy

[PoisonIvy]

I just wanted to let you know, that I didn't end up SIing. I took your advice (thank you!) and practised some yoga. It relaxed me enough that I feel asleep and didn't have to worry about things too much. Thank you for responding, without your support I don't know where I would be.

Megs