Seeing a T for the first time

marylou · Post by **marylou** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 2:29 pm

I'm going to see a T on November 10th and already I don't know what to do!!
I'm nervous, excited, apprehensive, EVERYTHING!
What do I do? What do I say? What if I don't like her?

Please advise, I'm new to this.

Boogie Man · Post by **Boogie Man** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 5:16 pm

well you dont really have to do much, really.
T's tend to ask you a lot of questions on your first appt. so be ready to answer their questions honestly. some times they can ask very up front questions, like for example when i first saw a T she had no idea why i was there, so she asked "why are you here?" and yeah it kind put me on the back foot. i had to straight up say that i cut myself, infront of a complete stranger.
remember your only talking to the T caus you want to be there, so if there is anything you really dont want to answer, you dont have to. and if you dont like the T you dont have to keep seeing them, and your always free to leave.
i hope it all goes well for ya, take care.

peace

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 6:09 pm

you go

i'd suggest thinking through what you want to get out of therapy... as boogie man said... some t's are very good about just asking questions & getting things out of you. others will be more 'why are you here?' type. be prepared for either.
i'd also suggest... that if you don't like her... to give her awhile. it is very possible to change t's(i've done it a bit)... sometimes it's highly effective to change. but imo it's not a good idea to change t's simply because of one day. always the chance that either you or her were having an off day... & you most likely *won't* like everything about any t.

it's hard. very hard. harder than i ever expected. it's also one of the best things i've ever done for myself.

best of luck

marylou · Post by **marylou** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 7:17 pm

It's slightly harder because the T is a friend of a friend.
Well, I mean I told a friend about my SH and she gave me the number of this lady in her church who does T part-time. She is a Christian, which is something that's important to my life, and she is already seeing another girl about SH. AND, she's seeing me free of charge.

I feel like I owe it to my 4 friends (who I told about my SH) to go, they are all desperate to help me. They want me "fixed", although that's maybe unfair to say that of them. They love me and really want me to not feel like this anymore.
I told them if it happened soon I could force myself to go. I'm just scared that I won't be ready for how hard it is. Like you (plantt) said, it was harder than you ever expected. I'm scared it'll trigger my SH more, and I won't be able to talk to my friends about it coz they just want me better, not worse.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 7:30 pm

some things very much will depend on what type therapy she does. ask her about it.
i'm in dbt currently. they stress teaching coping skills because they're very aware that yes certain issues *will* make si urges go up. also they're careful to avoid certain topics until coping skills are in place. etc.

i'd mention that concern to her. 'you know... i want to stop si. i want *these* things to change about my life... i want to do therapy because i believe it will help me change things. blahblah. but i'm worried that si will worsen. how can you help me with that?'

They want me "fixed", although that's maybe unfair to say that of them. They love me and really want me to not feel like this anymore.

if by 'fixed' you mean 'not feel like this anymore' then imo it's perfectly fair to say.

i think you can make the appt.

marylou · Post by **marylou** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 7:40 pm

I thought I'd ask a friend to come with me and y'know wait outside whilst I'm talking to her. It's like a security thing.
Only problem is he's my best mate, but he has a girlfriend. I don't really fancy him, but I'm worried that all this could make us really, really close and it could be bad for his realtionship. She (his girl) is already a bit paranoid and asked him if he was cheatin on her, coz he won't let her read his txt messages anymore, incase they're from me.
I really need support just now, but is it fair to ask it from him?

Thanks for the advice about telling the T how I feel. That makes sense and is cool

Though I don't understand what "dbt" is or "imo", but if it's not important don't bother explaining or pm me. I'm not really into my abbreviations!

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 7:52 pm

imo=in my opinion
dbt=dialectical behavior therapy

would it be possible to talk with his girlfriend... or ask while his girlfriend is there... so things would be clear?
i'd say ask... it's up to him from there

'i really would like your support right now in this... i know your girlfriend may have problems with this & i'm concerned that i might become a sore spot between the two of you... i don't want that to happen but i'd really appreciate you coming...'

marylou · Post by **marylou** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 7:57 pm

Excellent plan! (Oh and thanks for the explanations, I feel like less of an idiot now

).

I don't know if I can talk to her. I mean, only 4 people in the whole world (apart from you guys) know that I SH. My family doesn't even know. I'm not really comfortable with being "out" about my SH, it's not so visually obvious that people can tell.

Still, I'm seeing him on Friday, so I will talk to him. Maybe I should print out your words and put them on reminder cards, like in a speech, just so I'll remember

Thanks for your help btw (look at me abbreviating!), it means alot.

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 8:01 pm

hehe it's alright... when i first came here i didn't know abbreviations either... now i tend to use them without thinking

best of luck friday

gothic black lace · Post by **gothic black lace** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 1:29 pm

hey there

no worries. at first you might feel sort of uncomfortable, but after awhile, once you two get to know each other, you will feel a lot more comfortable revealing how you truly feel, and trust me...you will feel a lot better. if you have any more questions or anything dont hesitate to ask me, im always here!

marylou · Post by **marylou** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 3:53 pm

Cool. Thanks Lauren, it's very sooo helpful to have people say stuff like that. People who KNOW. It's not the same if my "normal" friends say the same thing, it's different coming from someone who is having the same experiences as me.
Are you new here too? On bus I mean, or just don't post often?

plantt · Post by **plantt** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 5:26 pm

if you check under the persons name who posted... it'll tell you the date they joined the board & also how many posts they've posted

Seeing a T for the first time

Seeing a T for the first time

no worries

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