My problem is I dont WANT to stop hurting myslef. I know I should for a variety of reasons, but those are just technical reasons. Deep inside of me...my core doesnt want to stop. I feel no need, no reason to stop. I'm trying, but I feel like I'm not whole-heartedly trying...
Does anyone elts feel this way? How do you get through it??
trying to stop...sortive? *SI*
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FoolinTheRain
- meeting the neighbors
- Posts: 398
- Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:33 pm
trying to stop...sortive? *SI*
and one day we will die,
and our ashes will fly,
from the aeroplane over the sea,
but for now we are young,
let us lay in the sun,
and count every beautiful thing we can see
and our ashes will fly,
from the aeroplane over the sea,
but for now we are young,
let us lay in the sun,
and count every beautiful thing we can see
i've felt that way. like i want to get better, i don't want to be depressed (when i've been feeling down for awhile). i don't want to be someone who has to cut themselves to feel something. but at other times i feel like that's such a part of me that i can't define myself without it. and even though i haven't si'd in a couple of weeks, i haven't fully committed to stopping forever.
i think about it a lot. i didn't get rid of my tools, i'm not talking to anyone about it or anything. but i try to remember that this isn't something i want to do when i'm forty. that ultimatly i don't feel better after i've cut anymore. that it's not worth it. i try to remember that thoughts don't necessarily have to be translated into actions, just because i think about it doesn't mean i have to do it.
in the long run it seems like those who are most successful at stopping are those who have made a solid decision to do so, who have a reason that's stronger than the ones i have just given you. but i'm hoping that the little reasons will eventually add up, that someday soon i'll sit back and examine all of the little reasons and suddenly see a bigger picture and know that i'm done.
that's probably idealistic and ridiculous. i mean, it is. but i believe in hope.
also, i love your sig. i'm pretty much a saddle-creek whore (please pardon the expression), but at least i've chosen something quality.
i think about it a lot. i didn't get rid of my tools, i'm not talking to anyone about it or anything. but i try to remember that this isn't something i want to do when i'm forty. that ultimatly i don't feel better after i've cut anymore. that it's not worth it. i try to remember that thoughts don't necessarily have to be translated into actions, just because i think about it doesn't mean i have to do it.
in the long run it seems like those who are most successful at stopping are those who have made a solid decision to do so, who have a reason that's stronger than the ones i have just given you. but i'm hoping that the little reasons will eventually add up, that someday soon i'll sit back and examine all of the little reasons and suddenly see a bigger picture and know that i'm done.
that's probably idealistic and ridiculous. i mean, it is. but i believe in hope.
also, i love your sig. i'm pretty much a saddle-creek whore (please pardon the expression), but at least i've chosen something quality.
"and I'm not my body, or how I choose to destroy it"- Rilo Kiley, the abscence of god
*SI
I feel like that. Whenever I look at my cuts I'll think "oh, that looks horrible...I should stop." then that night I'll end up cutting anywayz...and I'll be thinking "why bother trying to stop? No one will notice anyways! and what would I do instead? Fester it all inside? I mean, coping techniques only work for so long!" It's just so hard to fight how I feel...so why try?
PM me if you'd like
-darkrose
PM me if you'd like
-darkrose
I wonder how many people are saying "fine" when they're not.
I think that from now on I'm going to look a little bit deeper...because I'm not the only one.
I think that from now on I'm going to look a little bit deeper...because I'm not the only one.
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