After *sigh*

[Tsiya Ageyutsa]

# have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yeah, I'm good.

# what had happened just before?
My mom came over and yelled at me for a good half hour about how much of a screw-up I am, just when I was starting to feel good about myself and my desicions. When I went to talk to a friend, she basically did the same thing.

# what were you thinking and feeling?
That I will never be good enough in the eyes of my family, and the people I trust can't be trusted anymore. That no one is on my side. That I really am a screw-up

# why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
The final straw was my friend yelling at me. Because she used to SI, and yet seemed to make no connection that some of the things she said would hurt me as bad as they did. Especially telling me that I had no right to hurt myself because I was such a "golden child".

# how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I could have chosen to ignore her when she IM'd me. She hasn't been that pleasant to talk to since high school, and I really don't like doing it, but I really needed to talk to someone and she was the only one available.

# were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Not really, I was relatively happy with myself, had gotten good sleep, just got a new job, and, I thought, had started to find my place in life.

# what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I came here, I read, I posted on my journal, and I tried talking to that girl. All of them made me feel just a little bit better, especially the journal, until I talked to her. That ruined everything.

# in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I probably should have tried to wait until Saeth got online and talked to her. I shouldn't have taken the quick route. Or I could have played with my puppy, but she was asleep.

# name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I will NOT talk to that girl again. Ever, if I can help it. I'll remind myself that I just have to wait until a real friend becomes available. Or I'll look at Diva Jo and wake her up.

# how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's not resolved, and I'm still really angry about it. I think the best idea for me is to start phasing my mother out of my life, because she's the cause of many a slip like this.

# are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Probably. The minute my mother walks through my door, I'll be there again.

# what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
First, I'll try to get away from her. If that's not possible, I'll try to tune her out and not hear what she has to say. If that doesn't work, as soon as I get away from her, I'll take Diva Jo out to play and post in my journal to make myself feel better.

[Jomomma]

YOu have a new job that makes you feel good about yourself

Try to hang on to that
Unfortunately the families we are born into are not always the best for us but we have to try to live with them till such time as we can live away from them

What else besides your job makes you feel good about yourself?

Can you write some of those things down and look at them when someone says something that makes you feel bad about yourself?


Jo